animal.
Could she have behaved more inappropriately? She’d clung to him, let her hands wander all over him. She pressed her head harder against the glass. She had actually touched his…pantaloons. Felt the curves, the muscles, of his…
She flung away from the window and threw herself onto her bed.
He had been there just hours before.
She muffled her mouth with her pillow.
He must be thoroughly disgusted with her. That’s why he hadn’t offered for her. She was worse than Lady Felicity. Lud! She had paraded herself—her naked self—in front of him with no shame last night. And then today…Could she have begged more desperately for any of the shocking things he had done?
He would never offer for her.
She turned over, staring up at the bed canopy.
Would he really never offer for her?
Tears pooled at the corners of her eyes and ran down the sides of her face. She turned over again, wiping them on the counterpane.
What was she to do? She loved Robbie. She had not lied last night. She had loved him forever. He was nine years older than she. When she was very young, he had seemed tall and gangly and godlike. James’s other friends had ignored her, but not Robbie. He’d smiled at her and teased her. And then, when she was twelve and James went away to fight Napoleon, Robbie had come regularly to check on her and Aunt Gladys. Her father certainly could not be bothered to come down from London to see how they went on. But Robbie came.
By the time she was fourteen and James returned, she was irredeemably in love.
She was supposed to marry him. He was her brother’s closest friend—well, his closest unmarried friend. She had turned down countless proposals these last three years because she knew she was supposed to wed him. She would live at Westbrooke and her children would play with their cousins at Alvord, with little Will and the new baby that was due soon. It would be perfect.
Why had he suddenly looked at her that way in the garden—with his London society face? And spoken to her in his society voice—that all-knowing drawl? She had felt like a worm.
Lud, and then she had slapped him! She had left the red mark of her fingers on his cheek.
She buried her head under the pillow.
Someone knocked on her door.
“Go away.”
“No.”
It was Meg again. Lizzie did not want to see anyone, even Meg.
“Go away.”
“No.” The doorknob rattled. “Lizzie, listen. I saw Lady Bea. I have to talk to you. Let me in before someone notices me standing out here muttering.”
Lizzie glared at the door. “No. I want to be alone.”
“No, you don’t.” Meg poked her head into the room. Lizzie sat up and threw her pillow at her.
“Hey! Is this appropriate behavior for the Duke of Alvord’s sister?” Meg closed the door and scooped up the pillow from its landing place near the foot of the bed. She flung it back and grinned. “You used to be better at throwing.”
“I used to be a lot of things.”
Meg’s smile dropped into a frown. “Lizzie…”
Lizzie could not bear the pity in Meg’s eyes. She turned over on her stomach.
The mattress tilted as Meg sat down. Lizzie shrugged away her hand.
“Go away.”
“But I have good news. Lady Bea says the story of Lord Westbrooke’s nocturnal visit has died. No one is talking about it—not the duchess, not Lady Felicity, not even that fat sow, Lady Caroline. Apparently Lord Tynweith took it into his head to scotch the rumor. Lady Bea actually saw him examine Lady Dunlee through his quizzing glass as if she were a particularly noxious species of insect when she had the temerity to mention it to him.”
Lizzie grunted. Meg’s cheerfulness was salt in her wounds.
“What is the matter, Lizzie? You should be happy. Aren’t you relieved there will be no gossip about last night’s events?”
“No. I don’t care. My life is ruined.”
“Lizzie! It can’t be that bad.”
“Yes it can.”
“Well, I don’t see how, unless…”
Silence. Meg wasn’t supposed to be silent. She was supposed to say something to make things better. Lizzie shifted onto her side and glanced up. Meg had a very peculiar expression. Lizzie leaned up on one elbow.
“Why are you looking at me that way?”
“I just can’t…” Meg turned bright red. “So, you mean…But you told Lady Bea….” Her hands fluttered at Lizzie’s middle. “So, last night, in your room…Robbie did…” She clasped her hands together finally. “You know.”
“I don’t know. I have no idea what you are getting at.” Lizzie dropped back down and covered her face again. “And anyway, last night was nothing compared to this afternoon.”
“This afternoon!” Meg grabbed Lizzie’s hands and pulled them away from her face. “You mean he actually…In the daylight? Out of doors?!”
“Yes.” Lizzie flushed and turned away. Meg didn’t have to look so very shocked.
“And he didn’t offer for you? After doing…that?”
“No, he didn’t.” The words came out as a wail.
Meg patted her on the shoulder, but she was clearly distracted. “I just can’t believe Robbie would be so heartless.”
“Well, believe it.” Lizzie shrugged off Meg’s ineffectual hand and sat up. Robbie should definitely not have done what he did, but he wasn’t the sole participant in the activity. She could have stopped him. Should have stopped him.
She should have had a colossal fit of the vapors.
No, no matter how much she would like to think of Robbie as a beast, she just couldn’t do it. She sighed. “I’m certain it was mostly my fault.”
“Ridiculous! He is much more experienced than you. He knew what he was doing. I just can’t believe he would do it without offering for you.”
“Neither can I.” Lizzie was wailing again. She covered her mouth with her hands and flopped back on the bed. “I was so sure…. I would never have done…would never have let him….” She shuddered. “I thought he meant marriage.”
“Of course you did. Anyone would. I still can’t believe….” Meg shrugged. “How could you have guessed Robbie had this side to his personality?”
No,
