COMMANDO
E’mon Lauren
© 2017 E’mon Lauren
Published in 2017 by
Haymarket Books
P.O. Box 180165
Chicago, IL 60618
www.haymarketbooks.org
ISBN: 978-1-60846-943-7
Trade distribution:
In the US, Consortium Book Sales and Distribution, www.cbsd.com
In Canada, Publishers Group Canada, www.pgcbooks.ca
In the UK, Turnaround Publisher Services, www.turnaround-uk.com
All other countries, Ingram Publisher Services International,
This book was published with the generous support of Lannan Foundation and Wallace Action Fund.
Cover art by Bianca Pastel.
For me.
For baby.
For Ma Dukes and Daddy.
For the body.
For the fighting.
For the sightings.
For the bodies.
For the hood hobbies.
For the hood lobby.
For the Englewood droppings.
For L Town likings.
For the shooters/hittas/brothas/sistas/movas/drillas/ protecting.
For the block blessing.
“I’m only nineteen, but my mind is old.
And when the things get for real, my warm heart turns cold.”
—Prodigy of Mobb Deep (Shook Ones PT 2), 1995
Speak
i got a family reunion in my mouth. chuuch under my tongue. loud packed loose squared language. bootlegged babble. mild saucy and slick. quick card crackin gramma. squad a sanctuary on my top lip. throw the handles of my cheeks. what’s good in the hood of your mouth? the yo in my yawn. a fugase flap/flick of tongue. southside schtick slobbered. a candy lady’s cabinet. bud and MC lite/Lyte a boombox on my beak. suited and booted. food and liquor leaking. tripping on my tonsil. a(1/k47). the rink skating on my no’s and what consent mean. my gots belong to Giovanni and Jasmine. a different world in a dutch masters. elbows off the table of my teeth. don’t you have any manners. melanin in the suck. Auntie Pokie neck roll caught in my throat. i speak a queer language. color coded. no code switch or swap in my mouth. i hold a rainbow coalition on my tongue. obama care in my back throat. let my Mom claim the baby in my teeth for tax season. i speak sacrifice. urban dictionary in the suburbs. know my rights and speak them. loud. like my music. like my body. like my bossy. i speak my bossy. i speak Trina and Cardi B. i speak womyn runs the house. i speak field and house. i speak house. chicago. chicagu. chic-a-go. redline lingering lick. i speak shaa(r)p. sharp sword. bible translations. revenue. avenues and blvds. stomping grounds when i chew. cabrini mouths Moms greens. leclaire courts on 26th and california. i speak free my mans. i speak free my energy. i speak in royalist. in concrete king/queendoms.
Mary Lou
lived in the biggest house on the block
in l town
at north ave & leclaire
the biggest house made for 2 families
that fit 8.
the biggest house on the street
that never got robbed
on christmas.
the candy lady for all
the leslie lewis elementary kids
even the ones who wouldn’t let me sit at their lunch table
even the ones who would.
the best nacho maker on the block
used two different doritos
convinced Nikki they’re better than her dad’s tacos
convinced Nikki food was safe
even from people darker than her
even from people who ain’t her.
the kitchen a hair shop
on easter and passover
working on mines,
and Aiyanna’s
and Ashley’s
and Jada’s
and Gabrielle’s
and Snookie’s
and steve’s baby’s
even the babies he never claimed
even the baby mamas who claim they got him on child support
even my sister who never put him on child support
even my sister who is still a child with 4 children.
the nanny on the 1st and 15th
the finesser of a 5 dollar handshake
10 on my birthday
20 with good grades
30 just because it was her last
from the bills
1 dollar even if it was her last.
My Cousin Called Those Redbone Girls ‘Milli Vanillies’
the milli vanillies are the shorties i learned to fight. the ones that jumped me at rainey. the ones that taught me to juke. the ones that took me to markham. put me on with they ex. fought me after. fucked my mans. who mans still text me. the ones i go to clinics with. watch baby boy with. the ones who lie for love. lie for a bed. lie for a meal. the ones who lye. who screenshot. subtweet. call private. the ones who leave they momma crib. the ones who moms don’t have a crib. the ones who find a mom in other’s. who open everybody fridge. who need the wifi code. who take the hoodies. who never give them back. the ones determined to take. the ones looking for whatever was taken from them. who carry vaseline like a baby. gives theirs like a closed fist. the ones hacking
