reached over and squeezed Mom’s.
“What other questions could they have?” It was an accidental overdose, that’s all. I had nothing to do with it other than wanting to escape the toxic relationship I’d endured for the last two years. Sure, I was the one who didn’t have the guts to leave, but I didn’t kill him.
I removed the blanket, suddenly becoming too warm.
I caught Dad’s gaze in the rearview mirror. He shrugged. “Probably none.”
Probably none? That didn’t settle me one bit.
I kept my television on all night, fearful of the shadows that stretched across the room after I turned off the lights. Joe lingered in my mind the entire time. I recalled our whole relationship from start to finish on a memory loop in my mind. I tried to pick out the happier parts keeping the afterimages of his dead body on the periphery of my mind. At least for a little while. I wondered what had gone through his head. From speaking with Joe earlier that day it didn’t seem like he was upset. Accidents did happen, though.
My mind wandered to Kat. I could almost see her reaction when the police called her family. I hadn’t wanted to call or text her. I didn’t want to contribute to the situation more than I already had. And partly because I was a coward. My parents agreed that I shouldn’t call her, since it was the police’s job to release all information to the family. Knowing the devastation that was about to befall Kat’s family kept me up into the early hours of the morning.
At some point, I must have fallen asleep from pure exhaustion, because I woke when an explosion of music erupted from my phone. I sat up, disoriented for a moment after being catapulted from the edge of unconsciousness.
The ringing stopped, and I took a breath, leaning back against my headboard. Three text tones sounded from the ground in rapid succession, then the phone started ringing again. I knew it was Kat. If we didn’t pick up the first time, she would type 911 in three separate texts, then call again. Most of the time it was for fashion or gossip ‘emergency’; this time, I knew it wasn’t about clothes.
I scooted off my bed and headed toward the ringing sound. I shoved my clothes from last night out of the way and found my phone under the pile that I intended to wash at least a dozen times before wearing again, if ever. Even though my clothes didn’t touch Joe, I could swear they held onto the scent of him. The smell that made me want to throw up all over again.
A picture of me and Kat from the prom filled the screen. I took a steadying breath and picked up.
“I. Can’t. Believe. It,” Kat sobbed on the other end. Her words interrupted by sharp pulls of breath.
I lay back down on the bed, covering my eyes with my hand. Tears welled in my eyes and a few escaped before I wiped them away. “I’m so sorry, Kat.”
She sniffed, the sound thick and wet across the line. “The police said you found him.”
I made the mistake of closing my eyes and his face appeared. I tried to shake it off. “Yeah.”
“God! That must have been awful for you.”
“It was.” I sat up. I knew I wasn’t going back to sleep after this conversation. “When are you coming home?” I couldn’t do this alone.
She sniffed. “Dad scheduled our plane for this morning. God, I can’t believe this!” Another round of sobs sailed over the line. Flashes of Joe’s dead face punctured my vision and I couldn’t hold back my tears, either. “He had so much life to look forward to. Stanford in a few months. He didn’t deserve to die.”
“I know . . .” I trailed off.
She was right. He did have a lot to look forward to.
Someone knocked on my door, allowing me to briefly escape my haunting thoughts and reliving with Kat the horrific night I’d just endured. I was sure to do that again when she came home. At least I could compose my thoughts in the hours it took her to get home.
Mom poked her head into the room. “Sweetheart?”
I pointed to the phone and mouthed the word, “Kat.”
Mom nodded and said softly, “Breakfast is ready.” She left the room.
“Hang in there, Kat. Call me as soon as you land.” I slid off my bed and shoved my feet into my worn slippers.
“I will.” Someone spoke in the background on the other line. “I have to go,” she said after a moment of silence.
We said our goodbyes and I hung up first. I stood still, staring at the carpet, trying to build enough strength to make my legs move forward. I pushed my fingers through my tangled mess of hair. I didn’t have the energy to move, never mind care how I looked.
I walked around my bed and kicked something. A folded piece of paper flipped over, revealing my name. I sucked in a breath. The note Joe had written me. I’d forgotten all about it after I found him. I lifted it from the ground, pinched between my fingers like a broken shard of glass. I didn’t need to read it again to see the words in my mind’s eye. The words “All for you” repeated in my head.
I placed the note in my desk drawer and closed it. I wasn’t sure what to make of the message but it wasn’t as if Joe were alive to ask. Then, I took several steadying breaths before heading to the kitchen.
Dad and Madison were sitting at the table when I arrived. I was surprised he wasn’t already at work.
“Hey, Carebear,” he said, turning in his chair. “Did you get any sleep?”
“Not really.”
Mom and Dad shared a look; something between pity and sadness.
For some reason, it annoyed me. I sat in my chair and tried to ignore whatever psychic conversation they were having.
Madison sniffed and I took a moment to look at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed and she stared at her hands. She hadn’t touched her food.
Mom placed a spoonful of scrambled eggs and a slice of toast on my plate. “Were you talking to Katherine?”
I pushed the eggs around my plate with the fork. “Yeah. She and her parents are coming home later today.”
“Well don’t worry about coming into the inn today,” Dad said. “I’m going into work late. Mom took the day off.”
I had no thought of going into the inn for work. “Thanks.”
“Deb,” Dad said to Mom, “I can take the day off, too.”
“You don’t have to,” I said quickly. It was enough that Mom was going to stalk me all day. I didn’t need the both of them on my case. I started to wish I’d never got out of bed. Even in death, Joe was still screwing with me. I immediately regretted the thought. And karma had a quick response, filling my mind with his face again. My stomach churned, even though it was empty.
I managed to swallow a few bites of toast before it settled.
“Cara,”
