like this that she wondered what Bea would do. ‘Don’t let people make you feel small, Lizzie Lou. You have as much right to be there as they do,’ she would say. It didn’t really work for Lizzie. She didn’t have the confidence that surrounded her sister like a magic cloak. Still, maybe it was time to find her inner Bea. She cleared her throat. Ben glanced over expectantly and Lizzie realised she had to say something.
‘Sorry about confusing Susie for your girlfriend,’ she said. Brilliant. Well done, Lizzie. Start with an apology. That always gets people on side. Ben shrugged but said nothing. Lizzie swallowed. She couldn’t work out if he had a problem with her or the whole world. She was panicking now so the words came thick and fast. ‘Although obviously I don’t mean that having Susie as a girlfriend would be a bad thing. She’s very attractive and lovely, absolutely lovely. I mean I don’t really know her but she seems lovely. She’s certainly been very friendly to me. I’m sure she would make a lovely girlfriend for someone but obviously that’s not you because you’re her brother.’ Ben was staring at her now. Lizzie couldn’t blame him. She was rambling like a crazy woman, making no apparent sense, just filling the air with words. ‘Sorry,’ she said again.
He gave the merest shake of his head as if he couldn’t quite believe this individual standing in front of him. He glanced down at the dog and then back at Lizzie. ‘You know they need a lot of exercise,’ he said.
‘I’m sorry?’ There it was again. Another apology.
‘Boxers,’ he said with barely masked impatience. ‘They need a lot of exercise. My family had a couple when we were growing up.’
‘Oh. Right,’ she smiled as if they were having a cheerful exchange of dog facts.
‘So you can’t keep him cooped up in a bookshop all day. He’ll go potty.’
Lizzie did her best to ignore the implied criticism. ‘Well I do take him for walks.’
‘How many times a day?’
She didn’t like the way he was interrogating her. It was making her feel uncomfortable. She glanced towards the back room but Susie was obviously deep in conversation with Mrs Nussbaum. ‘Er, once?’
Ben looked almost triumphant. ‘He needs to go out at least twice a day.’
‘Okay,’ said Lizzie feeling anything but.
‘I’m serious. This is a very energetic dog. Anything less than that is just cruel.’ He folded his arms and looked at her as if he’d just thrown down a challenge.
‘Well I’ll do my best,’ said Lizzie feeling cornered.
Ben shook his head in exasperation. ‘It just infuriates me that people take on dogs without any thought for what they need. It’s all about the humans - selfish, lazy humans.’
‘Well I’m sorry that you feel like that but Bambi is actually very well loved and happy,’ said Lizzie in a small voice. She wanted this rude, judgemental man to go away so that she could go home and re-read Bea’s letter and have a good cry. She didn’t understand why he was being so unkind to her. She’d only just met him.
Ben put out a hand to pat the dog and his face softened. He looked back at Lizzie with a flicker of regret and was about to say something when Susie came bustling from the back of the shop. ‘What a lovely lady,’ she declared. Glancing at Lizzie and Ben, she immediately picked up on the mood. ‘What did he say?’ she demanded. Ben rolled his eyes.
‘Nothing. It’s fine,’ lied Lizzie. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got somewhere I need to be.’
Susie shot a scowl at her brother before turning to Lizzie and touching her on the arm. ‘Ignore him. He’s still getting over a very messy divorce and it’s turning him into a sociopath.’
‘Why don’t you take out an ad in the paper and tell everyone my business?’ cried Ben, throwing up his arms.
‘Good idea,’ said Susie, winking at Lizzie.
‘Oh I’ve had enough. I’ll see you later,’ said Ben disappearing out of the door.
Susie grimaced. ‘Sorry about that. I said too much. It’s one of my failings. He’s a good guy really, just had a tough time and I’m doing my best to look out for him, you know?’
‘I do,’ said Lizzie, thinking that she really did know about sisters looking out for their siblings. ‘And don’t worry. It’s really none of my business.’ And it’s never likely to be, she thought.
‘Well I’ll see you around. Pop in any time. I could do with some light relief from my brother’s erratic moods,’ smiled Susie.
‘Okay,’ said Lizzie. ‘See you.’ She locked the door behind her and breathed a sigh of relief. Susie was lovely but Lizzie decided to steer clear of Ben. She might give the coffee shop a miss for a while.
Arriving home a little later to find Bea’s letters where she had left them that morning made Lizzie smile. She wondered what her sister would have thought of Ben. Bea would have given him a piece of her mind. She wouldn’t have let him speak to her as Lizzie had. Her phone buzzed with a text. It was from Joe.
‘How about London Zoo at 11 on Sunday? Looking forward to seeing you.’
After her encounter with Ben, she found his words reassuring. There were people who wanted to see her, who were looking forward to seeing her and they were people who probably loved Bea as much as she did. She experienced a tingle of excited anticipation as she texted back.
‘Great. Looking forward to it too.’
She realised that this was true and it was a strange and new sensation. It was as if there were two versions of Lizzie now; the lonely one that lived in her safe, protected world here with her books and eccentric customers, and the other Lizzie, who was about to embark on a journey into the unknown. Lizzie wasn’t sure which version she wanted to be but knew that she had to find out.
The Following Sunday
Lizzie had forgotten how long the walk was from Camden Town to the zoo and arrived out of breath, late and with a new blister on her heel. It had been drizzly and overcast when she left home but now the cloud was lifting and the early autumn sun was doing its best to warm the day. She spotted Joe and Sam waiting at the entrance wearing cagoules and rucksacks. She smiled and waved, hurrying across the road to greet them with a breathless, ‘Sorry! Have you been here long?’ Joe dismissed her concern with a smiling shake of his head but Sam was less forgiving.
‘Over half an hour,’ he said with a frown.
Joe raised his eyebrows. ‘It’s fine, Lizzie. Don’t worry,’ he said, giving Sam a warning nudge.
‘Okay. Sorry. Shall we go in?’ said Lizzie, feeling as if she’d fallen at the first hurdle and needed to keep them moving. The queue was long and slow and as they waited, Sam started to fidget.
‘How much longer?’ he moaned to his father.
‘It takes as long as it takes, Sammy,’
