they were strangers. And he had showed concern for her safety. That loosed the tightness within her.
* * *
She wanted him to pray? After a hesitation, Asa said simply the prayer his father had always prayed, “Thanks for the food and for the hands that prepared it. Amen.”
She looked up, shyly smiling.
Asa nodded and helped himself to the top two large golden pancakes. His mouth watered.
Judith waited for his first bite before she forked one onto her plate.
“Mmm-mmm.” He could not stop the sound of pleasure. “Made a nice big stack, too.”
“I guess I’m used to cooking for more than two,” she admitted. “My brother brought home a wife from Kentucky, but I still did the majority of the cooking.” She looked to him. “Do you have brothers and sisters?”
“Some of each.” Asa took another bite and chewed. A personal question—just what he wanted to avoid.
Judith was staring at him. The silence between them grew.
He couldn’t think of a safe subject, nothing too personal, to talk about. He’d forgotten how to make conversation.
Finally she broke the silence. “What kind of man is Mason Chandler?”
“Honest. Hardworking. I’m taking care of his cow and we hope a new calf soon,” he continued in between bites, “till he gets back.”
Another silence hung over them. He would have been happy just to eat with someone else at the table. But he could tell she wanted to find out more about him. How could he steer the conversation away from personal questions? He combed his mind for a topic.
“We have a cow, and I think I heard chickens outside?” she asked finally.
“Two cows of our own and about a dozen chickens.” He took another bite of pancake dripping with butter and syrup. They were so tasty and light, he felt like...doing something to thank this woman. She was watching him, so he continued the conversation as best he could. “I plan on buying a couple of shoats this spring to fatten through the summer. Make pork sausage this fall and cure some bacon.”
She nodded and continued eating. In between bites—and to his relief—she chattered about her home farm and family.
He got the distinct feeling that she didn’t like her sister-in-law. Soon breakfast ended and he rose from the table. And before he knew it, he said, “Fine meal, ma’am.” These were the words his father had said at the end of each meal. Asa hadn’t seen his family since he moved here and barely wrote. Having this woman here was stirring him up, making him remember what family was.
“You’re welcome,” she said. “What are you up to today?”
“Have some work in the barn, and I’ll bring more wood in, too.” He motioned toward the nearly empty wood box near the door.
“I’ll wash up,” she said, “and then I need to get more acquainted with my kitchen.”
“Make a list of supplies, whatever you need.” And then, pulling on his jacket, he shut the door behind himself.
* * *
Taken aback by his abrupt departure, Judith stood and carried the dishes to the counter, where a dishpan sat. Well, dirty dishes constituted a common and inevitable part of her life. She wondered for a moment if Mabel Joy, her brother’s Kentucky wife, was enjoying being on her own without help from Emma and her. Mabel Joy had wanted them gone, and they were.
Her husband’s use of the married title, ma’am, had startled her. She’d been a miss for so long, thought she’d always be. Mabel Joy had taunted her, telling her it was too bad she was plain and no man would ever marry her. Well, someone had married her. I am married.
Judith tried not to let the newness, the strangeness of this cabin, of having a husband she never expected to have, unsettle her. “I’ll become accustomed soon and then this will feel like home.” Tears rushed into her eyes. Was this mere homesickness? Or regret? Or fear? But of what? Everything had gone well.
Except that Asa’s reply to her one personal question had gone unanswered. Why hadn’t he just told her how many brothers and sisters he had? It had been a commonplace question. Had he been teasing her? He hadn’t sounded so. A feeling of unease flickered inside her. She shook herself and began cleaning up breakfast. The large midday meal would come soon enough. I’m being foolish to fret. My husband is just not a talker by nature, that’s all. He will come to know me and then he will speak more.
* * *
On the wagon bench two mornings after their wedding day, Asa and Judith set out for town to do a few errands. Normally they would have walked into town, but he needed the blacksmith to check one horse’s shoe, and the metal rim of one of his wagon wheels needed fixing. And he didn’t know how much Judith would be buying at the store.
He felt his wife warm at his side. I’m not alone anymore. A blessing. And a worry. So far he thought he’d done a pretty good job of keeping up the pretense of a good husband. After all, she couldn’t see inside him, inside where he was a hollowed-out shell. He’d drawn on memories of how his mother and father had behaved together. If he could just keep that up, all would be well. Under a clear blue sky, he drew in a deep draft of the sharp early March air.
Though the sun shone bright and warmed his face, the horses’ hooves still threw up snow on their way into town. He and Judith had navigated through two days of marriage. He’d successfully avoided any and all personal questions. She’d asked him what his hometown was; he mentioned visiting Chicago. She’d asked if he’d served in the Union Army and he’d nodded and then asked about her family. He thought he’d done pretty well under the circumstances. He understood his wife’s wanting to ask him things. Women did that.
But soon she’d be more used to him and then there would be no more personal questions. And also no more temptation for him to answer them. Somehow his new wife caused him to want to open up, tell her about himself. But if he started, couldn’t that go too far? Reveal everything? He mentally shook himself. Enough thinking.
“Wish the thaw would begin in earnest,” he said to break the silence. “These bright sunny days make me want to get out and begin tilling my fields. Yet it’s way too early.”
She turned to him and looked pleased that he’d spoken. “Yes, I understand. It would be good to open the cabin and let the fresh air inside.”
And he thought that their relative idleness might be another reason for her asking questions. Once they were busy with the productive part of the year, farming, gardening and such, they’d settle into an easy pattern of being busy, too busy for personal questions and they’d just make do with idle conversation. He wanted to hear her fill up the silence but not ask him to join in. Even he noted the inconsistency in this. But it was the truth.
“And I’m looking forward to seeing my sister, Emma.”
To this, he nodded. He’d almost forgotten her sister would be there.
As soon as they reached town, Asa pulled up in front of Ashford’s. He guided Judith inside and breathed in the scents of the tidy general store—primarily dried apples and cinnamon. He felt relieved.
