Regret pulsed within him. He twisted around, ignoring the stab to his side. “Ravena, wait. It’s asking too much. I know.” He’d been a fool to think she’d take him in after all this time. And an even bigger fool to think that in coming here the past wouldn’t creep into his mind and heart, making him consider things best left ignored.
But if he could have just one night’s peace. One night without the fear of waking up to Quincy’s enraged face, the same face that had been haunting his dreams since fleeing Casper. “What if I stay one night? I’ll sleep in the barn. You won’t have to know I’m here.”
Would she agree? Her shoulders slumped forward and her chin dropped. “One night?” she echoed.
He had a sudden desire to stand and hold her in his arms, to bring her comfort. And yet, he’d forfeited that privilege a long time ago. “One night. That’s all. I’ll ride off tomorrow.” How he’d be able to ride and where he’d go, he didn’t know. But he wouldn’t knowingly inflict more pain on her. Or himself. Coming back here hadn’t been his most brilliant idea of late.
“Fine, you may stay one night.” She lifted her head, steely resolve radiating from her stiff posture. “And since it’s only one night and you’re injured, you might as well sleep in the house. You can have my room. I’ll go prepare it.”
He considered arguing that he could sleep on the sofa instead, but he didn’t want to raise her ire further. “Thank you.”
She opened the screen and moved purposely inside, apparently ignoring him. But right before the door slammed shut, he heard her whisper, “You’re welcome.”
* * *
Ravena sat up, one hand pressed to her nightgown, over her pounding heart. A loud thud overhead had snatched her from sleep. Perhaps Ginny was having another nightmare. Which meant Ravena would need to hurry upstairs to the girls’ room to console her before Fanny woke up too.
Throwing off her blankets, she rose from the sofa and lit a lamp to take with her. A peek into the girls’ room showed her that both Ginny and Fanny were deep in slumber. Nothing appeared amiss in the boys’ room either. Confused, Ravena paused outside her bedroom where Tex was sleeping. She’d bid him good-night after bringing him some of her grandfather’s clothes, including a nightshirt. After her grandfather’s funeral, she’d simply packed up his things and put them in the attic. Then she’d moved herself out of the girls’ room into the master bedroom, much to the delight of Fanny and Ginny who each had a bed of their own now.
She couldn’t hear any noise coming from Tex’s room either. Perhaps the noise had come from outside? Flipping her long braid over her shoulder, she started back down the hall when an audible groan penetrated through her bedroom door. She moved back to it and called, “Tex? Are you all right?”
There was no reply. A flicker of concern prompted her to turn the knob and stick her head inside the room. “Tex?”
He wasn’t in bed. Instead he lay sprawled on the floor, his bare feet sticking out of the borrowed trousers he wore beneath the long nightshirt. He was trembling from head to toe. Ravena inhaled a sharp gasp and rushed over.
“Tex?” She set the lamp aside and knelt next to him. “What happened?”
“Quincy,” he murmured. “Can’t find...”
Did he mean his horse? “Quincy’s just fine,” Ravena soothed. “We put him in the barn. He’s safe.”
Tex’s eyes flew open, and he gazed wildly around until seeing her. He latched onto her wrist with surprising strength. “It’s not safe, Ravena. He’ll come for it. I know...” His words became incoherent mumbles, his eyes falling shut once more.
She lifted her hand and placed it against his forehead. He was burning with fever. Panic sliced through her. Tex was more ill than he’d let on earlier. And likely wouldn’t be better by morning. Her concern ratcheted higher. “Tex, we need to get you back into bed.”
He wouldn’t be much help getting up in his fevered state, but she wasn’t a weakling either. Gripping him under his arms, she wrested his upper body as gently as possible off the floor and onto the bed. She propped his legs up next, then repositioned the pillow beneath his head.
“I need to get a better look at your wound, all right?” She didn’t really expect an answer, and yet, she felt compelled to explain why she needed to peek at his side, especially after his insistence that he’d be fine without her help. Tugging his nightshirt up, she wasn’t surprised to find a bloodied bandage underneath.
She peeled back just enough of the soiled cloth to get a look at his injury and promptly gagged at his mottled flesh. Turning away, she clapped a hand over her mouth. She knew a little about sickness, farm injuries and medicine from her grandmother. Olive Reid had learned the skills of midwifery and nursing from her mother and had doctored most of the townsfolk during her lifetime, at least until an actual doctor had set up practice.
Tex’s wound appeared to be more than a few days old, but it wasn’t healing properly. No wonder he was feverish and delirious. He needed real medical care. And yet, he’d practically panicked when she’d suggested going for a doctor. It was something Ravena still didn’t understand, but Tex wasn’t in a position to explain.
She straightened, her arms folded tightly against her middle. The lamp on the nearby table lit up Tex’s features. How could they be so familiar and yet so foreign? Even now, creased with pain and fever, they still had the power to turn her insides to warm mush.
“What do I do, Lord?” How many times had she breathed this same prayer over the last three months? But having Tex here was nearly as daunting as having no hired hand for spring planting and not enough room to bring four more orphans to live on the farm.
Looking down at him, she felt as if she stood before a precipice. She didn’t know if the right thing was to jump or turn and run the other way. Questions she’d stopped asking herself years ago rose painfully into her mind. Why hadn’t Tex come back for her that night? Had his feelings for her changed so abruptly? Had she trusted where she shouldn’t have? Had he loved her at all?
Even when his brother, Tate, had come over later that night and confessed that he and Tex had argued, she felt certain Tex would still return for her, once he’d had a chance to cool down. But the long hours became morning, and still there was no sign of him. Then a full day went by, then a week, then a month, and finally years. All without a single letter of explanation.
Now that Tex was here again, did she really want to know the answers to her questions? Could she bear to hear him say aloud that he’d changed his mind about her? The possibility made her heart thrum a ragged, aching beat beneath her nightgown. If he stayed, how would she keep the past from drawing away her focus? She had to remain strong in her dedication to provide a home for these orphans and those she would somehow bring to the farm as well.
She could send him away in the morning, ignoring the terrible state he was in. They had agreed on one night, and she didn’t owe him anything.
Or she could do the Christian thing. She could allow him to stay however long he needed to fully recover.
Ravena eyed his bandage again, her mouth pursed in hesitation. Perhaps there was some way to speed up his recovery, then she wouldn’t have to manage having him around for more than a few days. Grabbing the lamp, she padded out of the room and back downstairs to the parlor. She pulled one of
