I’m tired of beating my head against a wall.” When he saw tears form in her eyes, he wanted to kick himself.
“I never meant for it to be this way.”
He shrugged. The last thing he wanted was to argue. In the months before their separation that was all they’d done. Then they’d stopped talking altogether. What broke his heart was knowing he hadn’t been able to give her what she needed.
“I just wanted us to be a real family,” she added in a whispered voice.
“You had a funny way of showing it.” He’d needed her to stand by him, and help him with his struggles with the ranch, but she was obsessed with her own problems.
Her eyes filled with tears. “There might have been a solution to help us both.”
How many times had they tried? Even counseling, with some stranger listening to every way he’d failed his wife. He’d done about everything he could think of to make their marriage work. “How? More counseling?”
Kira shook her head. “I never should have asked you to go to counseling. I’m the one who’s got the problem,” she said, her voice husky with emotion. “I’m the one who needs to deal with things.”
“As long as you feel that way, then you don’t need me around.”
Kira stepped closer and began to speak, but stopped. With a swallow, she tried again. “But, Trace, I do need you. I need you to stay with me another six months so I can have a baby, then you can have your divorce.”
Trace glared at her. “What the hell?”
So finally she’d gotten his attention.
The first moment she’d seen Trace McKane, Kira knew for sure that he was the perfect man for her. That hadn’t changed. Tall and lean, the handsome cowboy had gained his muscular build from years of working the McKane’s Cattle Ranch. He had brown hair that always hung too long, brushing his shirt collar. His green-gray eyes were deep-set and when he looked at her she felt he could see into her soul. At first that had intrigued her, now it frightened her. The past months apart told her she didn’t want to face a future without Trace. He was the one person she’d allowed to get close when she’d come to Winchester Ridge, Colorado, to take a guidance counselor job at the high school.
But there were some secrets she could never share…with anyone.
Now it was too late to do anything to save their marriage. “We received a letter today,” she said, pulling the folded envelope out of her pocket. “It’s from the adoption agency.” Her voice trembled. “We’ve passed another screening for a baby.”
Trace’s eyes narrowed, then he threw his head back and laughed. “It’s a joke, right?”
She didn’t expect this reaction. “No.”
“So for months we’ve been giving everyone the impression that we’re the perfect couple and acceptable parents. Then we break up and we get the okay.”
Kira squared her shoulders and looked him in the eye.
“No one knows you moved out, and I don’t want anyone to. Not yet. Not until we receive a baby.”
He froze, his jaw clenched. “If you want the divorce so bad, then adopt as a single parent.” He tossed the pitchfork against the railing and marched out of the stall.
Kira hurried after him. “Trace, wait. Just hear me out.” His fast pace had her nearly running to keep up. “We’ll both get what we want. I’ll have a baby, and you’ll be free to marry someone who can give you what you want…children.”
He stopped abruptly. “You have everything figured out, don’t you?”
She shrugged, trying to hide her pain, wishing he’d say he’d stay with her and together they’d raise the baby. “No, but I know you want your own children. I can’t give you that.”
His eyes flashed his pain. “Yeah, I wanted a child—with you. But it didn’t happen, and I wasn’t enough for you.” Without waiting for another word, he started out of the barn, leaving her in shock.
“It wouldn’t be enough for you, Trace,” Rushing after him, she caught up to him again on the small porch of the bunkhouse. “I loved you and our life together.” She meant it. Her life on the ranch with Trace had been perfect. For a while. Then her dream had slowly unraveled. It seemed as if God were punishing her for her past. She didn’t want Trace to be punished because of her. That’s the reason she had to put an end to this.
She forced away the thought. “Trace, I have a chance for a child…maybe my only chance. You can remarry and have a dozen children. So if you could be happier without me, I’m willing to let you go.”
Trace closed his eyes and gripped the wooden post. He didn’t know if he could handle this again. Their marriage had gone through so much turmoil while they’d tried several procedures to be able to conceive a baby. Toward the end, he couldn’t take the look on her face every time they failed, until finally, the pressure drove her from him. He might have been the one who’d moved out of the house, but emotionally Kira had left him long before that.
Now, after long weeks of separation, he’d become reconciled to losing her. Then her sudden appearance today made him ache with want and need. But she was here only because of her need for a child, and to end their marriage.
“Do you honestly think we can pull this off? The last words we spoke to each other weren’t exactly loving.”
“The pressure is off now,” she said. “We just have to go through the motions of being a couple. I’ve accepted that I may never conceive a baby, but I can still have a child.” She held out the letter. “The agency says we’ve met their requirements and we can move on to the next step.”
How could he forget the classes, the long interviews, the background checks. They’d even been fingerprinted. He glanced from the paper in her hand to the hopeful look on her face. He felt the familiar tug in his chest.
“They’ll send someone out for a home study. To visit with us and see our home.”
“So what do you want me to do? Play the loving husband?”
She rested her hand on his arm, her dark eyes pleading. “Would that be so hard?”
Damn, she didn’t play fair and he had trouble denying her anything. “I don’t think we can pull it off, Kira. Not where we are right now.”
She paused. “It’s only for about six months. That’s how long it takes for the adoption to be final.” She looked sad. “Is it that hard to pretend you love me?”
The next evening, seated at the kitchen table at the house, Kira tried to finish the end-of-the-year paperwork, but her mind kept wandering back to Trace.
“What else is new?” she grumbled as she got up and went to the coffeemaker. After refilling her mug, she walked to the window and stared out at the breathtaking view of the Roan Plateau. She’d come to love this place. So different from the busy streets of Denver.
Five years ago she’d come to Winchester Ridge to start a new life. With her new college degree
