so I have no idea if either of them are still alive or where they might live.” The look of surprise in her eyes prompted him to add, “I don’t know where she or my dad are, either. They divorced when I was thirteen. After that, Mom left and never came back. Dad stuck around for a few months, then left me to be raised by his parents.”
Just as he’d expected, she looked stunned. And that was exactly why he’d revealed that part of his upbringing to her. He wanted to make sure she understood the sort of background he’d come from. That he’d been a child his own parents hadn’t wanted and his grandfather had merely tolerated.
“Oh. I didn’t know. Jett never mentioned the circumstances of your parents to me.”
“That’s because I’ve never talked to Jett about them. Your brother and I mostly talk about the present and the future.”
“Yes. Well, Jett has some pretty awful memories of his own that he’d rather leave in the past. Most of us do.”
She smiled at him and Noah was surprised to see she was still looking at him as though she liked him, as though he was someone she wanted to spend time with. He could only think she was either a very bad judge of character, or a very special woman.
The scent of the cooking beef began to fill the air and Noah got up to check on the progress of the burgers.
While he flipped the meat, she asked, “Do you like living here in the cabin? Away from everyone?”
“I’m a simple guy, Bella. I have everything I need or want right here.” At least that was what he’d been telling himself since he’d arrived in Nevada. But there were plenty of days Noah still felt the nagging need for a place of his own, and even more nights when he imagined himself with a wife and children to nurture and love. Yet once he’d left Arizona, he’d vowed to live a solitary life and so far, he’d had no trouble sticking to that sensible choice. Whenever he got to feeling like Jack, and the urge to go on the prowl for a woman hit him, all he had to do was think about Camilla. Remembering all the lies she’d told doused his urges even better than a cold shower.
“I guess the cabin seems pretty crude to you,” he added.
“I wasn’t thinking about the cabin,” she told him. “I was wondering if you ever get lonely.”
For most of his thirty-five years, Noah had been lonely. As a kid, he’d had buddies in school, but he’d never been able to invite them to his house for a meal or a simple game of catch in the backyard. Not that he would’ve been embarrassed by the Crawfords’ modest home situated on the poor side of the tracks. Most of his friends had been just as impoverished as the Crawford family. No, it had been his parents’ violent arguments that had ruined his chance to be a normal kid. And later, well, he’d let himself trust in another human being and ended up learning he couldn’t depend on anyone to stick by him. Not even a good friend.
“I don’t have time to get lonely,” he lied. “Every morning I leave here before daylight and usually don’t return until dark. That doesn’t leave me much time to pine for company.”
It wasn’t until he’d put the lid back on the grill and risen to his feet that she said, “It must be nice to be that contented with your own company. I’ll be the first to admit I get lonely.”
He grimaced. “You should have stayed in your brother’s house. With all those kids there’s never a dull moment.”
She shrugged. “I was getting in the way.”
“Jett didn’t want you to move out. I don’t suspect Sassy did, either.”
“Both are too nice to admit they were sick of Aunt Bella being underfoot—” she smiled wanly “—but I figure you probably understand how it feels to be, how should I say, standing on the outside looking in.”
Noah had to choke back a mocking groan. She, or anyone else, couldn’t possibly know how he’d felt as a child. His parents had barely acknowledged his existence. They’d been too busy trying to tear each other down. And later, his grandfather had only been interested in getting him raised to an age where he could kick him out into the world. Yeah, Noah knew all about being on the outside. But Bella didn’t need to know everything about his broken childhood, or the years that had followed before he’d finally settled here on the J Bar S. She’d probably feel sorry for him, and he didn’t want that from her, or anyone else.
He sank back into the lawn chair. “I understand, Bella. More than you think.”
She sighed. “While I was married and living in Reno I never imagined I’d ever be calling the J Bar S my home. I expected to stay in the city and raise a family with Marcus. Now I’ve been here nearly six years and Jett is the one with the family. I’m not a mother, but at least I’m a lawyer,” she added wryly. “Guess I should be thankful all these years haven’t been totally wasted.”
So in spite of her ex-husband deceiving and hurting her, she still she wanted a husband and family. He couldn’t decide whether she was a glutton for punishment, or a very brave woman.
“Looks to me like you’ve had a pretty successful life so far,” he replied. “A person has to learn to appreciate the blessings they have, instead of always wanting more.”
From the corner of his eye he could see her frowning. The expression was much easier to deal with than her smiles. As long as she disapproved of him, the less likely he’d be to lose his senses around her.
“Hmm. You’re saying I should be satisfied with what I have?”
He turned his head to look at her. “Well, you have a lot more than most, Bella.”
She gazed thoughtfully toward the mountains in the distance. “Yes, probably so. But a woman likes to dream, Noah.”
Oh yes, he thought bitterly. Noah knew, firsthand, how a woman could fantasize. Unfortunately, in Camilla’s case, her dreams had been twisted and wrapped solely around him. It hadn’t mattered to her that Noah and her husband, Ward, had been the best of friends and partners in Verde Canyon Ranch. No, she’d tried to make her dreams come true, no matter the consequences. As a result all three of them had been thrown into a nightmare, one that Noah still couldn’t forget.
Giving himself a hard mental shake, he got to his feet. “I’d better check the meat,” he told her.
* * *
Five minutes later, Noah was carrying a platter of sizzling patties into the cabin with Bella following close behind.
“Too bad you don’t have a picnic table of some sort,” she remarked. “It would be nice to eat outside.”
“If you’d rather eat outside, we can. But it’s a nuisance trying to balance everything on your lap.”
Bella shook her head. “This is fine. It’s just that the weather is almost perfect and I love eating outdoors. We’ll do it some other time—at my house.”
He didn’t say anything to that and Bella figured hell would probably freeze over before she ever got him to visit her house again. But she wasn’t going to think about that now. At least she was getting to spend time with the man and he was talking much more than she’d ever expected him to.
He placed the platter of meat on a small round table positioned beneath one of the open windows,
