mare blew out a grand breath and shook her mane, making the bridle hardware jingle.
“You’ll think I’m crazy.”
“So what? I’ve thought that for years.”
She threw him a “ha-ha, very funny” look and gave Calico’s neck a rub. “Part of the reason I went away for my treatment was so that I wouldn’t be a burden to anyone. You know that, right? This place has always provided for us, but we’ve all had to work, even more so since Dad’s back went. It was bad enough losing me from the work force when we were already running short. But the added load of caring for me, driving me back and forth to Calgary for treatment, the worry … Mom has enough of that with Dad’s appointments. I couldn’t ask her to take that on. She’s already had to take a job to help with the household expenses, and she somehow juggles everything else, too.”
He hadn’t realized Linda’s job was to bring in much needed income. She’d laughed it away when she started working at Papa’s Pizza, insisting it was the perfect antidote to cabin fever now that the kids were grown. “Surely it was more expensive for you to live in Calgary than drive back and forth.”
“I stayed with a friend in Springbank. She gave me a job in exchange for room and board. When I was well enough, I worked. The weeks that were too hard, I took it easy.” Meg looked up at him, her expression surprisingly open. “Rodeo girls look after each other,” she said simply. “Anna and her family were a godsend. Because of their generosity, none of my treatment arrangements cost Mom and Dad a cent.”
Clay sat back in the saddle. She’d taken all that on, and her illness as well. “Meg.”
“No, don’t. I know what you’re going to say. Losing a ranch hand hit us hard enough, Clay. I couldn’t drain the family resources more than that. I just found another way.”
He felt doubly guilty for all the things he’d said to her that day, all the things he’d accused her of. “It’s that bad for you? But Dawson never let on.”
“We’re not going bankrupt, don’t look so alarmed,” she said, looking over the fields that seemed to stretch right to the foot of the Rockies miles away. “But we need something more to take us from scraping by to breathing easily.”
Clay nodded. “Lots of farmers facing the same choices. What do you have in mind? Alternative stock? Some ranchers I know are turning to sheep.”
Meg laughed. “Sheep are so not my thing. Cute and all but no. And no alpacas, either,” she added with a smile. “No, what I want is something all my own. Something I can build and nurture and enjoy.” She locked her gaze with his and he felt a weird sense of unity and rightness in her sharing her hopes with him. “I’m an equine girl at heart, you know that. I want to expand the stable so we can board horses, and I want to build an indoor ring so I can give lessons.”
Clay blew out a breath. Expanding didn’t come cheaply. Or quickly. He measured his words, not wanting to discourage but not wanting to give her false hopes, either. “That’s a big undertaking.”
“Life’s short, Clay. I love this farm and I want to see it succeed. Can’t I do that while fulfilling dreams of my own?”
The Chinook arch crept across the sky, coming closer, warming the air by degrees. They sat silently, watching the unique formation, feeling the change in the air for several minutes.
“Whatever you’re thinking, just say it, Clay.”
He didn’t look at her, just sat straight in the saddle and stared ahead. How could he explain what he was feeling in the wake of her words? He was a neighbor. Their families were friends. It didn’t seem right that his heart should clench so painfully when she said things like “Life’s short.”
“Does that mean you’re worried about …” He felt like an utter coward not saying the word. Damn it, he was getting too invested already. He should have stayed home this morning. Out of her business. He certainly had enough of his own to keep him occupied.
“Reoccurrence?”
She said the word so plainly it jarred him and he nodded, the brim of his black hat bobbing up and down, his lips set in a grim line.
“I’d be a liar if I said it doesn’t cross my mind. But it is not how I choose to live—waiting. Maybe that’s why this is so important to me. Life is happening now, and I don’t want to miss it.”
It had been difficult hearing the news the first time, but even worse now, having eyes wide-open to the possibility that she might go through this again and maybe she wouldn’t win the second time around. He’d watched his father battle lung cancer, watched him in daily pain until the end, and he was pretty sure he couldn’t go through something like that again with someone he cared about.
Then he thought about his mother, and how she’d walked out on both of them, leaving Aunt Stacy to pick up the slack. Mom had been afraid, too, but she’d run away rather than staying and fighting. For weeks, a young and trusting Clay had been certain that if he wished hard enough, believed long enough, it would all be okay. His mother would come home and his dad would be well again.
When Meg had broken the news of her illness he’d automatically been thrown back to that horrible time. It had brought back so many feelings he’d tried to forget. He had accused her of running rather than realizing the truth—that she was trying to protect those she loved.
But he didn’t need protecting, and there was no them. There was just a family friend looking at him right now, asking for advice, giving him a level of respect he wasn’t sure he deserved.
“Clay, you and Stacy kept the Gregory place going all these years. You played hard but you worked hard, too, and you’re the best rancher I know. You have always been brutally honest with me.”
He felt his cheeks heat. He didn’t miss the “brutally” part and he knew he’d been too hard on her at times.
“You’re the one person I can trust to give me an honest opinion. So what do you think? Can I pull it off?” She looked at him hopefully.
Clay shrugged, not wanting to burst her bubble but needing to impress upon her the challenges she’d face. “The work? You could handle that in your sleep,” he said confidently. “I have no doubts about that. But there’s more to it. Who will your clients be? Will there be enough to make the business self-sustaining? How will you pay for the expansion?” He paused before he dropped what he knew would feel like an anvil on Megan’s hopes. “What happens if you get sick again? Who’ll run it? Keep it paying for itself?”
He saw her swallow and she turned her head away. “I am crazy then.”
“Not crazy.” He reached over and grabbed her arm through her heavy coat. “I didn’t say it was a bad idea, or impossible. There’s a lot of sense in it. It’s just not an easy idea and there are things to think about before you move ahead.”
Meg’s shoulders slumped as she turned her horse toward home. He was an idiot. He should have at least expressed some excitement or said something positive before raining on her parade. “At least you listened,” she said darkly as they trudged along. “Mom and Dad wouldn’t hear any of it.”
“They’re just afraid. They’ve only just got you back.”
“They’re trying to
