puppy had wound down now and Joe scooped it up, unselfconsciously cradling it in his arms.
It wasn’t only little boys who looked cute with toy dogs, Ellie decided.
‘So you might like to put this in with the Santa stash,’ he said.
‘But then Jacko won’t know you bought it for him.’
‘That’s not important.’
Ellie frowned. ‘I think it is important, Joe. If you’re going to go away again for ages at a time, a lovely gift like this will help Jacko to remember you.’
Perhaps this was the wrong thing to say. Joe’s face turned granite-hard—hard cheekbones, hard eyes, hard jaw.
Silence stretched uncomfortably between them.
Ellie wished she knew what he was thinking. Was he regretting his decision to work so far away? Perhaps he felt differently about leaving Jacko now that he’d met the boy and so clearly liked him?
It was more than likely that Joe loved Jacko. For Ellie, just thinking about Joe heading off there to that freezing, lonely, big ocean made her arms ache strangely. They felt so empty and she felt sad for Joe, sad for Jacko too—for the tough, complicated father and his sweet, uncomplicated son.
Maybe she even felt sad for herself?
No. I’ve made my choices.
It seemed like an age before Joe spoke. ‘I’d rather my son remembered me, not the toys I’ve given him.’
Ellie swallowed. It was hard to know whether he was taking the high moral ground or simply being stubborn. But he was sticking to his decision.
She held out her hand. ‘In that case, I’d love to add this puppy to the Santa bag. Jacko will adore it. He’ll be stoked.’
‘You want to keep it in this box?’
‘No. It looks more true-to-life out of the box.’ Ellie hugged the puppy to her stomach. ‘Joe, you haven’t bought a Christmas present for me, have you?’
The hard look in his eyes lightened. ‘There might be a little something. Why? Does that bother you?’
‘Yes. I don’t have anything for you. I never dreamed—’
He smiled crookedly. ‘Chill, Ellie. It’s no big deal. I know you haven’t been anywhere near shops.’
Just the same, she was going to worry about this and it would probably keep her awake.
* * *
This is damn hard, Joe thought as Ellie left with the dog. Coming home was so hard. So much harder than he’d expected.
Of course, he’d always known he would have to make big adjustments. Soldiers heard plenty of talk about the challenges they would face as they transitioned from the huge responsibilities and constant danger of military life to the relative monotony and possible boredom of civilian life.
But Joe had been convinced that his adjustments would be different, easier than the other men’s. To begin with, he wasn’t coming home to a wife and family.
Or at least he hadn’t planned to come home to a wife and family.
And yet here he was—on Christmas Eve—divorced on paper, but up to his ears in family life and getting in deeper by the minute.
He had to face up to the inescapable truth. No matter how much distance he put between himself and his family, there would always be ties to Ellie and Jacko.
It was so obvious now. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before.
And here was another thing. By coming back to Karinya, he was forced to see his absence in Afghanistan from Ellie’s point of view, and he didn’t like the picture he discovered.
While he’d played the war hero, earning his fellow soldiers’ high regard, his wife—she’d still been his wife, after all—had slogged for long, hard days on this property, and she’d done it alone for the most part. As well, with no support whatsoever from him, she’d weathered the long awaited pregnancy and birth of their son.
On her own.
After the years of heartbreak and invasive procedures that had eroded their marriage, Joe knew damn well that the nine months of pregnancy must have been a huge emotional roller coaster for Ellie.
And what had he done? He’d tried to block out all thoughts of her pregnancy. And he’d let her soldier on. Yes, Ellie had most definitely soldiered on. Alone. Courageously.
Just thinking about it made Joe tremble now. During that whole time, Ellie must have believed he didn’t care.
Hell. No wonder she had trouble trusting his motives today. No wonder she’d expected him to escape in Steve’s chopper as soon as he had the chance.
And yet, strangely, escape had been the last thing on his mind. Shouldn’t he be worried about that?
WHEN ELLIE WOKE early next morning, she felt an immediate riff of excitement, a thrill straight from childhood.
Christmas morning!
She went to her bedroom window and looked out. It was raining again, but not too heavily. She didn’t mind about the rain—at least it would cool things down.
‘Happy Christmas,’ she whispered to the pale pink glimmer in the clouds on the eastern horizon, and then she gave a little skip. Rain, hail or shine, she was more excited about this Christmas than she had been in years.
Having a child to share the fun made such a difference. And this year they had all Joe’s bounty to enjoy, as well as his pleasant company during their day-long truce.
The truce was a big part of the difference.
Don’t think about tomorrow. Just make the most of today.
On the strength of that, Ellie dressed festively in red jeans and a white sleeveless blouse with a little frill around the neckline. When she brushed her hair, she was about to tie it back into its usual ponytail when she changed her mind and left it to swing free about her shoulders.
Why not? They might be in the isolated outback, but it was Christmas, so she threaded gold hoops in her ears as well, and sprayed on a little scent.
On her way to the kitchen she passed Jacko’s room, but he was still asleep, still unaware of the exciting bundle at the end of his cot. He normally wouldn’t wake for at least another hour.
As Ellie passed the open door of Joe’s room, she glanced in and saw that his bed was made, so he was already up, too. She felt pleased. It would be nice to share an early morning cuppa while they planned their day together.
Maybe they could start with a breakfast of scrambled eggs and smoked salmon with croissants?
