turned and pointed a wooden spoon at Julia as if it were a weapon. “I can’t believe I didn’t even know you two were dating.”
Julia groaned at the accusation in her sister’s tone and the hurt that shadowed her green eyes. When she’d gone along with Sam’s fake proposal last night, Julia hadn’t thought about the repercussions of people believing them. Thinking things through wasn’t her strong suit.
She didn’t talk about her years away from Brevia with Lainey or their mother. They had some inkling of her penchant for dating losers and changing cities at the end of each bad relationship. When the going got tough, it had always seemed easier to move on than stick it out.
From the outside, Julia knew she appeared to have it together. She was quick with a sarcastic retort that made people believe life’s little setbacks didn’t affect her. She’d painted herself as the free spirit who wouldn’t be tied to anyone or any place.
But her devil-may-care mask hid a deeply rooted insecurity that, if someone really got to know her, she wouldn’t measure up. Because of her learning disabilities and in so many other ways.
Her struggles to read and process numbers at the most basic level had defined who she was for years. The shame she felt, as a result, was part of the very fiber of her being. She’d been labeled stupid and lazy, and despite what anyone told her to the contrary, she couldn’t shake the belief that it was true.
Maybe that was why she picked men who were obviously bad bets. Maybe that was why she’d been a mean girl in high school—to keep people at arm’s length so she wouldn’t have a chance of being rejected.
She wondered for a moment how it would feel to confide the entire complicated situation to Lainey. For one person to truly understand her problem. She ached to lean in for support as fear weighed on her heart. But as much as they’d worked to repair their fractured relationship, Julia still couldn’t tell her sister how scared she was of failing at what meant the most to her in life: being a mother to Charlie.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for half the town to find out at Carl’s.” No one in her family even knew about Jeff’s interest in a new custody arrangement.
She stood, trying to come up with a plausible reason she wouldn’t have shared big boyfriend news. “My track record with guys is common knowledge, and I didn’t want Sam to have people beating down his door to warn him away from me.”
Lainey’s gaze turned sympathetic. “Oh, Jules. When Ethan and I first got back together I didn’t want anyone to know, either. I felt like the town would hold my past mistakes against me and you were back and... Never mind now. I’m going to forgive you because it’s so wonderful.” She threw her arms around Julia. “Everyone loves Sam, so...” Lainey’s voice trailed off.
Julia’s stomach turned with frustration. “So, what? By default people are suddenly going to open their arms to me?”
Lainey shrugged. “It can’t hurt. Do you have a date?”
“For what?”
Lainey pushed away. “The wedding, silly. You’ll get married in Brevia, right?”
Julia blinked. “I suppose so. We’re taking the planning slowly. I want a long engagement. It’ll be better for Charlie.”
“Sure.” Lainey frowned but went back to the stove.
“Just enjoying each other and all that,” Julia added quickly, guilt building with every lie she told. “So in love. You know.”
“I want to be involved in the planning.”
“Of course. We can have a girls’ day out to look for dresses and stuff.” With each detail, the difficulty of deceiving her family became more apparent.
She reminded herself that it was only for a short time, and she was protecting everyone from the stress of the custody fight. “I should go. Thanks to the commotion today, I’m late on the product order I should have sent. If Charlie goes down early enough, I’ll be able to get it in tomorrow morning. A night full of numbers, lucky me.”
“Do you want some help?”
Julia tensed. “I can handle it. I’m not a total idiot, despite rumors to the contrary.” She saw hurt flash again in her sister’s gaze and regretted her defensive tone.
She did most of the paperwork for the salon when Charlie went to bed to minimize her hours away from him. She spent many late nights pouring over the accounts and payroll information, terrified she’d make a mistake or miss an important detail. She was determined no one would ever see how unqualified she was to run her own business.
“No one thinks you’re an idiot,” Lainey said quietly. “You’re doing an amazing job with the salon, but I know how things get when you’re tired. I’m offering another set of eyes if you need them.”
“I’m sorry I snapped.” Julia rubbed two fingers against each temple, trying to ward off an impending headache. “I’ll take it slow. It’s routine paperwork, not splitting the atom.”
“Could you delegate some of this to the receptionist or one of the part-time girls? Why does it all have to fall on you? If you’d only tell them—”
“They can’t know. No one can. What if Val found out? The deal isn’t final. She could change her mind about selling to me.”
“She wouldn’t do that,” Lainey argued.
“Someone could take advantage, mix things up without me understanding until it’s too late.” Julia gathered Charlie’s sippy cup and extra snacks into the diaper bag.
Lainey shook her head, frustration evident as she fisted her hands at her sides. “Learning disabilities don’t make you stupid, Julia. When are you going to realize that? Your brain processes information differently. It has nothing to do with your IQ, and you have the best intuition of anyone I know. No one could take advantage of you—”
“Have you seen my list of ex-boyfriends?”
“—without you letting them,” Lainey finished.
“Point taken.” Even as much as Julia had wanted her relationship with Jeff to work out, she should have known it was doomed. He’d been the opposite of most guys she’d dated, and she should have known someone so academic and cultured wouldn’t truly want her. They’d gone to museums and gallery openings, his interest in her giving her hope that someone would finally see her for more than a pretty face.
She’d craved his approval and made the mistake of sharing her secret with him. None of the men before him had known about the severe learning disabilities that had plagued her since grade school. She’d managed for years to keep her LD hidden from almost everyone.
Only her family and certain trusted teachers had known the struggles she’d faced in learning to read and process both words and numbers. She wasn’t sure any of them understood how deep her problems were. The embarrassment and frustrations she’d felt as a kid had prevented her from letting teachers, interventionists or even her parents truly help her.
It had been easier to play the part of being too cool for school or, as she got older, not wanting to be tied down to a real job or responsibilities. Only for Charlie was she finally willing to put her best effort forward,
