her vision. This was how it felt to be heartbroken.
Now she knew.
And the pain was worse than she could possibly have imagined.
‘So that was it?’ Evanna frowned at Kyla from across the best table in the café. It was right in the window and had a perfect view of the ferry and the quay. ‘He didn’t say anything about the two of you?’
‘Nothing.’ Kyla stabbed her triple chocolate ice cream with the tip of her spoon, wondering why she felt so totally flat and dejected. ‘I really need to pull myself together. I’m being pathetic.’
‘And what about you? Didn’t you say anything to him?’
‘What was I supposed to do? Beg?’ Kyla frowned and lifted the spoon to her mouth, but the cold chocolate hit did nothing for her. ‘I do have some pride, Evanna.’
‘But he doesn’t know how you feel.’
‘I think it’s his own feelings that are the problem,’ Kyla said gloomily, putting the spoon down and staring out of the window as the ferry pulled away from the dock on the start of its crossing to the mainland. ‘You said that the man had issues, and you’re right. The man has issues.’
‘And you’re going to let that stop you?’
Kyla pushed the ice cream away from her. ‘What do you suggest? That I hang a banner on the front of my cottage, declaring my intentions?’
Evanna grinned. ‘In the old days you would have carved his name on your desk. ‘K loves E. And Miss Carne would have put you in detention.’
‘I feel as though I’m in permanent detention.’
Evanna reached across the table and squeezed her hand. ‘It’s not like you to give up. What’s he going to do now, do you know? Is he leaving?’
‘He hasn’t said.’ Kyla gave a humourless laugh. ‘That would be giving something away, wouldn’t it? And Ethan never gives anything away. I dare say the first I’ll know of it is when Jim tells me he’s driven that flash car of his onto the ferry.’
‘You need to speak to him.’
‘I have my pride.’
Evanna sighed. ‘Pride isn’t going to keep you warm on a cold winter’s night, Kyla MacNeil. You need to think about that next time you’re lying in the bed on your own, staring up at the ceiling. Now, eat your ice cream. If there’s one thing a girl needs at a time like this, it’s chocolate. Lots of it.’
Kyla was in clinic the next morning when Aisla came in.
‘I came to thank you. If you hadn’t thought that Fraser might be in the dungeon, goodness knows what might have happened.’
Kyla smiled. ‘I’m just glad we found him and that everything was all right. Logan said that the CT scan was fine.’
‘They think he has concussion. Apparently he might suffer from headaches for a bit and I need to keep an eye on him, but they don’t think there’s any serious injury. And Dr Walker looked at his wound this morning and seemed to think that it was healing nicely. I still can’t believe he climbed down into that filthy, dark dungeon for my Fraser.’
‘He’s a brave man. A good doctor.’
Aisla sighed. ‘He’ll be a loss to the island.’
Kyla felt her mouth dry. ‘A loss?’
‘Well, he was only ever a locum, wasn’t he? He was reminding me of that this morning when I was trying to persuade him to stay, but I don’t understand it really. The man fits in here. I mean, why leave?’
‘I expect he’s leaving because we can’t offer him what he needs.’ On impulse Kyla stood up and walked towards the door. ‘I’m glad Fraser is on the mend, Aisla. Call us any time if you’re worried.’
She saw Aisla out and then walked into Ethan’s room. ‘What exactly is it that you need?’
He was seated at his desk and he looked up, his dark eyes guarded. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t understand what it is that you need.’ Restless and boiling up with emotions that she couldn’t control, Kyla paced the floor of his consulting room. ‘I mean, it’s all here if you look for it. You love to run and you won’t find better anywhere. Or do you prefer fumes and tarmac to sea breezes and sand? You like to swim and we have a whole ocean waiting for you, or do you prefer chlorine and public pools?’
‘Kyla—’
‘Or is it the medicine?’ she continued breathlessly, turning around and pacing back again. ‘Because I can tell you now that you won’t find greater variety anywhere. This island is like a small world. We have births and deaths and in between we have all the things that are part of life. And we handle most of it ourselves because we can’t refer someone to the hospital every time things get slightly complicated. You’ll get more hands-on experience here than you ever would in a London teaching hospital, and it’s probably just as much of a challenge as Africa in its own way.’
He opened his mouth and she plunged on, afraid to let him speak in case he said something that she couldn’t bear to hear.
‘Or is it the people?’ she said, finally standing still and daring to look at him. He was unnaturally still as he watched her, his eyes fixed on her face. ‘It’s true that everyone on this island is interested in everyone else, but that’s because we’re a community. We’re not just a bunch of faceless individuals living isolated lives that never interconnect. We care, Ethan. We care in a way that you’re never going to find in a city. We mind what happens to people. We care about each other and we care about you. I care about you. I love you, actually—’ Suddenly awkward and embarrassed, she broke off, suddenly wishing she’d been born with some of his natural reticence because she knew that she’d given away far too much. She’d given away everything.
But then she decided that he’d probably guessed anyway, and remembered Evanna’s words.
Pride isn’t going to keep you warm on those long winter nights, Kyla.
He rose to his feet and walked round the desk towards her, and she felt the steady, rhythmic bump of her heart against her chest.
‘You love me?’ His voice was deep and she felt herself backing away.
‘Yes, but that doesn’t have to be a problem. You can stay on the island and not have a relationship with me. We could—’
‘Can we start from the beginning? What makes you think I’m leaving?’
‘Something Aisla just said, about your post only ever being temporary. I know that this island is different to everything you’re used to. I know that you’re used to living your life very much on your own. You say it’s the only way you know, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn a different way if you want to. Catherine did it.’
‘Kyla—’
‘You feel it, I know you do. The magic of this place. I’ve seen your face when you run on the sand in
