closed her eyes briefly, wishing she could undo the selfish choice she’d made a few months ago. She’d thought she was ready for a little casual dating, but it hadn’t taken more than a few weeks of seeing Todd on Saturday evenings before she realized how wrong she was about herself, and how thoughtless she’d been.
The greatest impact had been on Eli, who still missed his father even more than she’d realized.
Todd had mostly ignored him, though that might have been for the best. He’d been impatient with Eli’s lack of coordination, and when the three of them went on a picnic, the man had been irritated by Eli’s constant chatter about the Harley he’d seen in the parking lot.
Change had always been difficult for Eli—the brief presence of a new man in Sophie’s life had unsettled him; the abrupt departure had affected him just as much.
Agitated, he’d pelted her with questions when she told him that Todd wouldn’t be coming back, and then he’d retreated to his room for hours and immersed himself in his growing stack of books on Harley-Davidson motorcycles. He’d even refused to come out for supper that night.
“Why?”
Eli’s question jerked her out of her thoughts and back into the present. “Todd and I just weren’t a good match.”
Not even close, given his growing curiosity about her financial situation. Surely you got a whopping settlement after your husband died, he’d marveled with a gleam in his eyes. She’d already been worried about his callous behavior toward Eli, and she’d ended their relationship instantly after that.
“But why?”
“We just weren’t…compatible,” she said. “We…didn’t like the same things. You are the biggest blessing in my life, Eli. No one could ever hope for a better son.” And a man who can’t see that will never have a place in my life. Period.
“But…” His voice trailed off, his flash of hope clearly fading away. “He told me he was gonna get a motorcycle.”
“I don’t think he did, honey. But don’t worry, sweetheart. Things always work out for the best. And you’ll always have your grandma and two grandpas and me.”
He pulled away and looked up at her, his expression stark. “But you could die and they could, too,” he insisted. “You’re all old.”
She coughed to cover a startled laugh. Old? So that’s what this was about—his ongoing worry about everyone else in his family dying, too.
“Your dad had a very rare problem. Remember? An aneurysm the doctors couldn’t fix. It doesn’t mean the rest of us will die like that.” Hollow words, when the child had seen the frantic efforts of the EMTs in their living room, and then had paced the waiting room of the hospital with her while Rob was in surgery. “I’m only twenty-nine and your grandparents are in their sixties. We could all live to a hundred.”
His gaze skated to the family portrait on the wall, then he dropped his head. “But an aneurysm could kill anyone and you wouldn’t know it until you were dead. If it happened to Dad, it could get you and me and Grandpa, too.”
“I hope not. But let’s talk about something else. Okay? You look so tired. Can I tuck you in for an extra hour before we need to leave for Grandpa’s house?”
He usually refused to go back to bed when he awoke too early, then got overtired and more wound up over inconsequential things as the day went on. But now he stifled a yawn as he stepped away from her embrace, trudged back to his bedroom and climbed into bed.
She followed, to kiss his cheek and tuck the covers around him. “I know things are difficult to understand, Eli…. but I’m really, really proud of you. And I love you more than I could ever, ever say. We’ll always have each other. I promise.”
She stepped out of his bedroom, left the door partially open, then went down the hall to her own bedroom where the wedding picture on the bureau caught her eye.
She sighed and rested her forehead against the door frame. If you hadn’t had to leave us things would be so different now. I tried hard in school, and I think I would have made you proud. But now we’re going to lose this house that you loved so much. I wish…
But wishes didn’t change anything and her prayers hadn’t, either…and her one attempt at dating since Rob’s death had been a disaster.
From here on out, she was on her own.
Sophie stepped out of her ancient car to retrieve the backpack from the passenger side of the front seat, then opened Eli’s door.
“Here you go, honey. Remember, I might be home late this evening, but Grandpa and Grandma said the three of you can have a bonfire out back and toast marshmallows. Would you like that?”
He looked up at her with somber eyes. “Will we have to move?”
With Eli, conversations often took unexpected turns right back to his favorite topics, but even now his focus on his inner world sometimes surprised her.
“I hope not.”
“But you were looking at houses. On the internet. In Minneapolis.”
He’d been reading at the third grade level by early kindergarten, and she was reminded once again that though his mild Asperger’s impacted his interactions with others, he was extremely bright and perceptive, and keeping things from him wasn’t easy.
“I was looking, yes. Just in case. It could be a really big adventure—like explorers in a whole new land! But if we’re lucky, we can stay right here.”
“What about Grandma Margie and Grandpa Dean? And Gramps?”
“If we move, they’ll come visit. Maybe Gramps will even move with us.” The probability of her grandfather doing that was roughly the same as a blizzard in July, but she could still hope.
She gave Eli a quick hug “I love you. And I promise—things will work out.”
“Love you, too.” Still, he looked unconvinced about the future as he hooked his backpack filled with motorcycle books on one shoulder and trudged up the long sidewalk to the front door.
With lush flower beds overflowing with impatiens in pinks, violets and snowy-white, the little bungalow was pretty as a dollhouse with its white picket fence, crisp blue shutters and crimson door.
“There’s Grandma at the front door waiting for you, honey,” she called out when Margie stepped onto the front porch. “Good morning!”
“Well, look who’s here—my favorite grandson,” the older woman exclaimed. “Have you had breakfast yet?”
Eli nodded stoically, accepted her hug, then slipped past her to go inside where she would fuss and hover and ply him with offers of his favorite breakfast items anyway.
Margie made her way down the sidewalk and rested her hands on the picket fence gate, her expression troubled.
Trim and attractive at sixty, she never stepped out of her house without being dressed well, her jewelry and makeup on, her soft platinum curls perfectly coiffed. Even now, she looked as
