a fussy one, is he?” Ben pulled the harness free. “What is it? A sugar cube?”
“That’s right.” Anna held it on her palm, feeling Buck’s soft lips brushing her skin as he took the sugar.
“Spoiled thing,” Ben teased.
“A midwife’s buggy horse has to be ready for a lot of unexpected trips,” she said. “He works for his sugar.”
Anna led the gelding toward the paddock while Ben carried the harness to its rack. It was easy, it seemed, to get back to the kind of teasing conversation she’d once had with Ben. Too easy? She couldn’t risk falling for him all over again.
Opening the gate, she released the horse. Buck trotted a few steps and then stopped, lifting his head and sniffing the air.
Snow! Anna saw the first few flakes nearly as soon as the horse did. She tilted her head back, scanning the sky for more.
“What are you doing?” Ben had reached the gate without her noticing.
“Snow,” she said, unable to keep the glee from her voice.
Ben chuckled. “I’d near forgot that you’re like a kid when it snows.” A sudden breeze sent a cluster of snowflakes dancing across the paddock. Buck whinnied, pranced in place for a moment and then trotted around in a circle, head tossing.
Ben laughed. “Or maybe like the horse. Sure you don’t want to run around in a circle, too?”
“Nothing wrong with getting excited about the first snow.” She could hear the defensiveness in her voice.
Ben clasped her by the wrists, and she looked up at his face. “Nothing at all wrong,” he said gently. “I’m glad of it, Anna. Makes me feel like I could shed a few burdens and trot around, too.”
Still holding her wrists, he swung her around, his face lit with laughter. “We’ll both celebrate, ain’t so?”
Laughing, Anna swung around with him, face tilted back to feel the flakes on her skin, until she was breathless.
“Stop, stop.” She grabbed his forearms, feeling solid muscle under the layers of fabric. “What if someone saw us?”
“They’d think we were a bit ferhoodled.” He stopped, so suddenly she might have fallen if not for his strong hands holding hers.
For an instant they stood staring at each other, and she felt her heart turn over. Then he was stepping away. “We’d best get inside and get warmed up. Josh will be wanting to get the sleigh out if this keeps up.”
He sounded perfectly normal, as if he’d felt nothing at all in that moment when her heart had twisted.
Anna took a deep breath of cold air, knowing her cheeks were burning. So. She’d told herself she could get back to the way they’d been before the night she’d known she loved him. She’d been wrong. Their relationship was a lot more complicated than that.
* * *
“I’m telling you, Ben, this is going to be a great winter for snow. Grossdaadi says the woolly bear caterpillars predicted a real snowy winter. We have to get the sleigh ready.”
Grinning, Ben followed his younger brother up the ladder to the upper loft in the barn. In some ways Josh, despite his size, was still the little kid brother he’d always been.
“Okay, okay, I said I’d help you get the sleigh ready and I will. Just don’t blame me if it sits high and dry for half the winter.”
“It won’t,” Josh said confidently, scrambling the rest of the way into the loft and reaching back a gloved hand to tug Ben up beside him.
“There she is,” Josh said proudly. “Let’s get it uncovered and down to the barn floor.”
“Easier said than done.” Ben gave a mock grumble, but truth to tell, he’d have done something a lot harder to have this time to get reacquainted with his little brother.
Together they rigged up the sleigh to the hook used to move bales and lowered it to the floor. Josh was so eager to get at it that he would have tumbled down the ladder if not for Ben’s steadying hand.
“Take it easy. The sleigh’s not going anywhere.”
“I know.” Josh grinned. “Boy, it’s gut to have you home again.” He sobered, as if wondering whether that was the right thing to say.
Ben gripped his shoulder for a moment. “Me, too.” Regret swept over him. He’d let Josh down when he’d left, not even thinking of him. Dan and Joseph were enough older that Josh would never have confided in them. There seemed no end to the lives affected by his leaving.
Josh chattered as they worked on the sleigh, wiping away the dust that had accumulated over the summer and removing every speck of rust from the runners. “And besides, Anna loves to take the sleigh out. She’ll be surprised when she sees it’s ready. Anna does so much for everyone, I want to do something nice for her. She really is like a big sister to me.” He sent a sidelong glance at Ben, as if to see how he was taking that.
Ben figured the safest thing he could do was nod. Obviously everyone in the family would have been happy if he and Anna had married. He couldn’t marry to make other people happy, but given how strong an attraction she still had for him, maybe...
No maybes, he told himself. Whatever he did or didn’t do here, he couldn’t hurt Anna again.
“Anna says...” Josh paused, polishing vigorously at an already shining runner.
When he didn’t go on, Ben elbowed him. “Go ahead. What does Anna say?”
Josh rubbed even harder. “She says I should just tell you what I feel.”
What now? “Go ahead.” He braced himself.
“I guess Daad told you about his plans for the farm?”
“Ya, and it’s fine.” He hastened to assure him, hoping he sounded convincing. “You deserve it. I’m happy for you.”
“But that’s just it.” The words burst out of Josh. “I’m not happy. I don’t want it.” He clamped his lips shut and glanced around as if afraid someone had heard.
Ben felt a frown knotting his forehead. “But how can you not want a farm like this?”
“You say that because it’s your dream,” Josh said. “Just like it’s Daad’s. Nobody understands that I might want something different.”
Josh’s voice had risen, and Ben put his hand on the boy’s arm.
“Hey, it’s okay. Just tell me what you want.”
“What I always wanted. You know I always liked working with machines better than anything. I’m the one who fixed the generator when it stopped, remember? And I rebuilt that baler when everyone else gave up on it, too.”
He couldn’t help but be moved by the passion in Josh’s voice. “If you feel that way about it, won’t Daad understand?”
