that. But hey, at least you said it. The consonant practice is helping, yes?”
An olive branch. She could tell he was fighting an internal battle; his face was smiling, but his eyes were cold. Baldwin was not a fan of Memphis Highsmythe.
She hadn’t mentioned that she and Memphis had been communicating by email or iChat almost daily for the past few weeks. It hadn’t seemed necessary at the time; it was harmless stuff. Mostly harmless. But would Baldwin see it that way? Well, hell, did Baldwin have any right to dictate who she did or didn’t talk to? No. She melted and got her back up at the same time—being upset with Baldwin took so much energy. She just didn’t know how to make things right.
Honestly was the only path she had right now. If it cost her everything, so be it.
Taylor grabbed the notepad.
We’ve been chatting online. He’s been a big help. He’s offered to have me come to Scotland, work with a psychologist friend of his. This sounds like good timing all around, don’t you think? You can work on your case and I can work on getting this resolved once and for all. Now that we know about the EMDR and its promise, maybe I can turn things around.
She slid the note to Baldwin, watched his face turn four shades of red before he sighed, then smiled and looked up.
“Hell, I don’t blame you for reaching out to Memphis. I haven’t exactly been easy to talk to these past few weeks.” He grabbed her hand, knocking over the pepper mill in his vehemence. “I’m sorry, darling. I’m sorry on so many levels. I’m not sure what I can do to make this up to you. Please, please, will you forgive me?”
Taylor felt the tightly banded chain on her heart crack a bit. This was what she wanted, right? For him to apologize. To offer to make things right. They were better as a team. Together they could conquer anything. But apart, they were two lonely icebergs, drifting silently toward a certain doom. She pushed Memphis’s face from her mind. Later. She’d worry about him later. She just missed Baldwin so much, even though he was right there with her.
She stood and signaled for Baldwin. Took him in her arms, and let him kiss her. She kissed him back. Felt all the earlier animosity slide away when his tongue touched hers. They were like vinegar and baking soda, a child’s science project. Mix the ingredients, put them together and boom, a volcano. Maybe she was softening, maybe she was just tired of fighting it so hard. But there was nothing, nothing in her world that could make her feel like this.
“I love you,” he whispered, and she said it back, surprised when the words slid from her mouth without a moment of hesitation. Baldwin walked her backward into the living room, to the couch. They didn’t bother with the niceties, simply shed the necessary garments and joined as quickly as they could, finding solace in each other.
They lay breathless, the food forgotten. She felt good. Stronger. More in control. She could handle this.
She must have fallen asleep for a moment, because she came to and realized Baldwin was playing with her hair. He looked down at her with serious eyes.
“Hey, sleepyhead.”
She smiled at him, hugged his body closer. God, she missed this most of all.
Baldwin shifted his weight a bit. “Taylor, you weren’t really serious about going to Scotland, were you?”
She took a deep breath and blew it out. Sat up, found her jeans and pulled them on. Her notepad was on the table. She looked over her shoulder at Baldwin, lying on the living room floor, an arm crooked behind his head. He read something in her glance, sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees.
I want to go, Baldwin. I need to. I can’t take it here right now. Everyone staring and pointing, talking about me behind my back. It’s mortifying.
“But Taylor, you’re fighting hard. You’re nearly there. An other week with Willig and I bet you have your voice back.”
He scrambled up off the floor and came to join her at the table.
This is just something I need to do.
“So you’re leaving me?”
No no no. No! Not at all. I just think I need some time to myself to get better.
“And where will Memphis be?”
He’s working a case. He’ll get me up there, then head back to London. I’ll be alone, with his shrink friend. Understand, Baldwin, please. I can’t do this, therapy, whatever you want to call it, with people who know me. It’s just too much to ask.
He didn’t say anything. She watched his hand grasping the stem of his wineglass, could see the tension in his fingers. She hated hurting him like this, but it was for the best. She needed some space. No one was giving her any space.
He finished off his wine.
“Fine, Taylor. If this is what you want. Go to Scotland. I give you my blessing.”
I wasn’t asking permission, she thought, but refrained from writing it down. No sense in upsetting him more than he already was.
He stared at her for a moment, then stood and threw his wineglass at the sink. It exploded into shards, and he walked out of the room without a second glance.
So it was decided.
She was going to Scotland.
Taylor waited until Baldwin was asleep to send a message to Memphis. It was late in Nashville, past two in the morning, and her head was pounding, but she was wide-awake. She and insomnia were back on speaking terms after a disastrous bout with Ambien left her incoherent. She never responded well to sleeping pills, had the opposite reaction from most people. The Ambien made her frazzled and jumpy all night, then she crashed for ten hours once the sun came up. Turning into a vampire wasn’t really an option, even though the doctors said more sleep would help her throat heal faster. She’d managed for all these years already, so she rebuffed their attempts to drug her, stuck with the pain meds and her pool table.
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