front of other people.’
‘I should stick to my diet.’
‘I ought to be feeling better by now.’
‘If I can just do this then everything will be all right.’
Some of the things that we think or talk about compulsively may be healthy for us to do. Perhaps we would benefit from sticking to our diet, but it is the way that we are thinking about it that is unhealthy. Compulsive thinking can inhibit, frustrate or sabotage the success of good, healthy schemes by rendering them joyless and turning them into a chore or a punishment.
FEARFUL PHRASES
Most of us also develop a vocabulary of fearful phrases, some exactly the same as those that we learned in childhood, others that we have picked up, adapted and created for ourselves in adult life. Fearful phrases create and reinforce fearful beliefs. At their extreme we use them to paralyse ourselves and render us inactive and impotent. Fear is a natural feeling, but fearful phrases stir us up into a terrified state that is unnatural and unhealthy.
The stress and anxiety caused by fearful thinking can lower the immune system, disrupt our natural ability to protect ourselves psychologically or mentally, raise our blood-pressure and impede our ability to enjoy the pleasures of life. The energy of fearful beliefs can even make us magnetic to the outcomes that we most wish to avoid. What we resist persists!
Here are some examples of the fearful phrases that many of us use:
‘You can’t trust anyone these days.’
‘I would be terrified of making a fool of myself.’
‘We live in a dangerous world.’
‘These are dangerous times.’
‘It is not safe to walk the streets any more.’
‘If the crooks don’t get you the government will.’
‘I’ll dry up in the middle of my exam and forget everything that
I’ve learned.’
‘What if I make a mistake?’
‘It is terrifying!’
‘What a nightmare!’
Like any other negative patterns, our fearful words and thoughts are just bad habits, and bad habits can easily be changed. We just need to be willing to change them.
NEGATIVE AND LIMITING EXPECTATIONS
Fearful beliefs are just one form of negative or limiting expectations. Our language is full of phrases and statements that reveal underlying expectations of failure, disappointment, disaster and loss. When we expect the worst we become like a character in a story or a play who carries within him a negative self-fulfilling prophesy of how his life will develop. Our negative expectations are fatalistic. They paint us as victims of tragedy or mishap rather than as the masters of our own destiny with the power to take charge of our health and happiness.
Here are some examples of phrases that reveal our negative or limiting expectations:
‘Why should I bother, it will never work.’
‘I’ll only be disappointed.’
‘I’ll make myself ill doing this.’
‘They will be glad to see the back of me.’
‘It will only get worse.’
‘I’ll never make any money.’
‘Nothing good will ever come of it.’
‘You can have too much of a good thing.’
‘I take one step forward and two steps back.’
‘I have got to make the best of a bad job.’
‘It will end in tears.’
Just as we can create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy in our lives, we can create a positive one. Changing our language, changing our thoughts and transforming our underlying beliefs can powerfully change the reality of our health, well-being, emotional state, relationships, career, finances and spiritual evolution.
YOUR INNER VOICES
Listening to the words and phrases that you use when you talk is just one key to noticing your thoughts and beliefs. There are many times during the day when we are not in conversation with somebody else. These are moments when we can be most aware of our inner dialogue. Our minds are constantly thinking. We have thousands and thousands of thoughts every day of our lives; we need to begin to listen to our inner voices as they chatter away to us.
It can take practice to listen to our thoughts. Even when we are on our own we can create enough noise and activity around us to drown out our inner voices, and sometimes they are just so familiar to us that we do not hear them. Many of our thoughts may be positive, but just like the sentiments that we express aloud we may also have numerous words, phrases or concepts going around and around in our minds that are negative, limiting, fearful, compulsive or filled with conflict and struggle.
Exercise: Listening to your Inner Voices
Take ten minutes of silence to listen to your inner voices. Make sure that you are on your own and minimize distractions by unplugging the telephone, turning off radios and television sets or anything else that may drown out your thoughts and distract you from your task. It is often best to find a comfortable spot where you can sit upright, your body open and relaxed and your feet placed firmly on the floor in front of you.
For anyone who is unused to stillness and silence it may feel uncomfortable to do this for the first time. For some of us, the only time we stop rushing around is when we sleep, and it is possible that you may feel drowsy and want to nod off. This is why it is better to do this sitting upright. If you find yourself getting sleepy or, alternatively, looking for distractions, just bring your attention gently back to what you are doing and continue to listen to your thoughts.
Notice any positive voices. Notice the negative ones. Is your mind quite busy or is it still? Do you have fearful thoughts? Do you think about all of the things that you should be doing? Are your inner voices doubtful, happy, anxious, peaceful or confused? Are you full of negative or positive expectations?
When you complete your ten minutes’ of stillness, return to your normal tasks and activities of the day but see if you can continue to notice your thoughts as you do so. Every so often, pause during your activities and ask yourself ‘What am I thinking now?’
