Marvelous Mommies,
After last week’s scintillating discussion on forgiveness, I thought we should turn our attention to a topic sure to warm and encourage every mother’s heart:
Meeting the needs of our children.
I’ve had to learn the hard way that EVERYTHING we do as mothers—every word, every glance, every touch—deeply affects our children for the rest of their lives!
So when you shrieked, “Can’t you be quiet for just ONE SECOND?” after breakfast this morning? Sliced their tender little souls like a piece of deli ham. They’ll forever struggle with voicing their own wants and needs. Assertiveness will never come easy for them and they’ll probably get taken advantage of by every emotional manipulator who crosses their path.
When you said you were too tired to read your son a book? Five years from now, that moment will fester into resentment that will cause him to punch another child in summer school. Ten years from now, it will blossom into a full-scale rebellion that will get him kicked out of school and placed into a juvenile detention center.
Every time you pushed their eager little hands away and impatiently told them, “here, let me do it”…it was one more blow to their fragile sense of worth. It will probably result in a total inability to sustain meaningful relationships as adults.
Not to mention a permanent spelling handicap.
How many wounds we inflict on our children every hour of every day! It’s no wonder they end up so screwed up. And it’s our fault as mothers for not meeting their emotional needs.
So let’s encourage each other on how we can do better at not ruining our children. Obviously, it’s not an easy task, considering that our own parents did a thorough job of wounding us to the point where we wouldn’t recognize a healthy psyche if it tackled us to the sidewalk. But as adults and mothers, it’s our responsibility to try to do better with the next generation, even if it kills us.
Blessings,
Rosalyn Ebberly
SAHM I Am Loop Moderator
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
| From: | Zelia Muzuwa <[email protected]> |
| To: | SAHM I Am <[email protected]> |
| Subject: | [SAHM I AM] sahmiam totw |
Ooookay. Looks like somebody needs to dial back on her happy pills… WAY too cheerful this morning!
Z
| From: | Dulcie Huckleberry <[email protected]> |
| To: | Zelia Muzuwa <[email protected]> |
| Subject: | Your note!!! |
Z,
Did you realize that note went to the SAHM loop instead of our Green Eggs and Ham group? ROSALYN saw it! You’d better apologize quick. She’s going to be SO mad!
Dulcie
| From: | Zelia Muzuwa <[email protected]> |
| To: | SAHM I Am <[email protected]> |
| Subject: | [SAHM I AM] Re: sahmiam totw |
Hey gorgeous mom-babes, (and Tom, of course)
Hope nobody took my previous message too seriously. Just trying to lighten the mood on this Monday. It’s rainy and foggy here in Baltimore—needed to cheer myself up a bit.
No offense intended.
Z
Pr31Mom: Zelia, dear.
ZeeMuzzy: ros, honey.
Pr31Mom: Thank you for your apology on the loop.
ZeeMuzzy: no prob. you know i could never bear the thought of offending anyone.
Pr31Mom: Of course not. You’re sweetness itself.
ZeeMuzzy: takes one to know one, babe.
Pr31Mom: That’s kind of you to say so. I hope you are feeling sufficiently cheered now?
ZeeMuzzy: vastly.
Pr31Mom: Great. Well, then, I’ll let you get back to your day. Since I’m sure you’re far too busy for more loop humor today, we’ll have to just get along without the giggles. Okay?
ZeeMuzzy: you never know. i might have a few spare moments later on.
Pr31Mom: That’s a relief. Wouldn’t want you to be too stressed out.
ZeeMuzzy: yes, because you’re just that kind of compassionate person, aren’t you.
Pr31Mom: Zelia, I’m serious—
ZeeMuzzy signed off at 2:38:02 p.m.
| From: | Brenna L <[email protected]> |
| To: | SAHM I Am <[email protected]> |
| Subject: | Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW June 15: Meeting the needs of our children |
This is the biggest pile of male cow manure I have ever read in my life! First off, Rosalyn, your parents did not screw you up. You want to compare dysfunctions? You all know I had Maddy at age sixteen. Yep, teen mom. I was the poster child for dysfunction. It would be easy for me to whine and say it was the fault of my parents—they were no Clair and Cliff Huxtable for sure. But my family was no worse than many of my friends’ and not all of them became teen moms. I made my own choices. We all do. So if your life has a lot of problems, then it’s up to you to make the choices you need to make in order to fix those problems.
As far as our kids go— I doubt any of us on this loop are doing anything less than our best for our kids. We’re not going to get it right all the time. Our kids will survive. At least they have so far. Guilt trips and self-loathing for our shortcomings are only going to make it harder to see what our kids really need. And when it comes down to it, our kids are the only ones who can actually make their lives successful and fulfilling. They have to choose to be that way. We can’t guarantee it for them.
You want to meet your kids’ needs? Stop being so hard on yourself. They need a mom who isn’t drowning in self-inflicted condemnation.
