that my new husband would hardly want to be saddled with another man’s by-blow as a constant reminder of his wife’s lack of chastity,’ she said.
Edward looked shocked, more so at her crudity than the sentiment. He did not reply.
Alison sat up and reached for her robe, needing to protect herself against the thought, against her lover, against her own weakness. She felt powerless. If she went against Edward’s will he would throw her out onto the street as carelessly as a pile of rags, justifying his actions by accusing her of ingratitude. But she would never give Arthur up. As well rip her heart out. Nor would she marry a man of Edward’s choosing. She had absolutely no intention of being parcelled off to some yeoman farmer in order to tidy her away. She was a gentleman’s daughter even if he was long dead and she had come down in the world.
Now was not the time to show defiance though. She would need to be cunning and bide her time. And she would need to be brave too and show more backbone than she had done so far.
‘It will be pleasant to see Wiltshire again, I suppose.’ She forced the words out. ‘Though I shall miss you, my love.’
He looked gratified and bent to kiss her. The contempt rose in her throat. He was so gullible.
‘I shall need some new clothes.’ She pressed her advantage.
‘You will have a trousseau ere long.’ He was not as much of a fool as he looked.
‘Just one new gown for winter.’ She busied herself about the room, looking, planning. How much could she take with her to Wolf Hall? Edward would probably be quite generous if she were prepared to go quietly and would overlook the odd item that went missing, though her thefts would have to be small. A few silver dress pins, the pomander encrusted with emeralds, perhaps even his gold crucifix since it was a sign of nothing but his hypocrisy. It was not as though he had ever been generous with gifts. He owed it to her. And one day soon it would enable her to make a new start.
She had nothing. She felt her shoulders slump as despair took her. She was less than nothing. But this misery was why she had not had the courage to leave him before. It cast her down when she most needed to be strong. It would not win this time. She had had enough of being used and she wanted something better.
‘I shall be ready to leave within the week,’ she said, and was rewarded with another quick, clumsy kiss, the prize for being complaisant. When he took a purse out of his pocket and extracted a few gold coins, she felt a flash of triumph.
This was where it began. This was where she started to take back.
Mary, December 1560
That winter, Alison came back. She had changed. I think perhaps I had imagined that she would not return. She had slipped from my mind like a wraith, lost beneath the detail of day-to-day life until suddenly one frosty morning she was standing by the bare hawthorn hedge, one hand on the gate, wearing a new woollen riding hood of orange tawny. She saw me and smiled, half raising a hand in greeting before she pushed open the gate and came up the path towards me.
It was an odd moment. I felt an impulse to run to her and embrace her though I had no notion why. She dispelled that quickly enough, however, offering a cool cheek for my kiss, in the French fashion. She was seventeen years old now to my thirteen and I felt gauche in the face of such elegance.
‘You are home!’ I said, although I doubted that Alison any more than I thought of Wolf Hall as her home.
‘Only until I wed.’ She was examining the stitching on her gloves, not meeting my eyes. ‘Lord Seymour has found me a husband.’
Our cousin Edward had been restored to his earldom the year before and was even more grand now and further beyond our reach. He had been building a new house a few miles distant at Tottenham; Wolf Hall being too old and inconvenient for him. I wondered if the new house, and his plans for Alison, meant that he would be spending more time at Savernake.
‘You’re to wed.’ I parroted her words, knowing I sounded simple. There was so much I wanted to ask her but could not. She did not have a child with her. I wondered what had happened to it. Was it a boy or a girl? Where had she been, and with whom? Who had paid for the beautiful orange tawny? Cousin Edward, perhaps, since it appeared he wanted her well turned out for her marriage. Alison’s silence prevented me from blurting out any questions though. There was a wall of reserve about her and she had withdrawn behind it.
There was no suggestion this time that Alison and I should share a chamber. Suddenly she had become an adult, elevated above me. She was excused any work and spent much of her time in a huddle with the other women, talking about mysterious matters ranging from the assembly of a trousseau to the management of a household. Perhaps Liz might have thought it would be useful for me to listen and learn but, often as not, I was not invited. Dame Margery and Alison were still close as two peas in the pod and since neither of them liked me much, I was left out. I did see some of Alison’s new clothes: the scarlet wool petticoats, soft and warm, which I envied, and the fragile silk-lined slippers, which seemed a pointless extravagance. Alison’s future husband was a well-to-do yeoman but there was no question that she would need practical clothing in which to work.
‘Do you like Master Whitney?’ I asked her one day. We were in the solar and it was raining, the water running down the diamond panes like tears. For once, I had been included in the group. We were trying to embroider in the dim grey light of winter, with only one sputtering candle to aid us. My eyes smarted.
Alison let her hands rest in her lap as she looked up. ‘He is well enough. Liking has nothing to do with marriage.’
‘He likes you.’ Dame Margery dug her in the ribs, letting loose a raucous laugh. Alison gave a pale smile in return. It did not seem to please her that her future husband lusted after her but Dame Margery was right. Even I had noticed the hungriness in his eyes when he watched her. I could not have borne for him to touch me. There was something perpetually angry about him and it felt dangerous. I’d heard he had an uncertain temper and I thought Alison was making a mistake. Not that she had a choice.
‘He is wealthy and of good standing,’ Alison said. ‘I could not hope for better.’
There was an odd silence. She had sounded almost wistful.
‘But you are a gentleman’s daughter,’ I said. ‘Surely…’
She looked at me hard, though she said nothing, and I knew that she was thinking of the scandal of her pregnancy. Yes, I had been tactless. Not many men would have been prepared to wed her when her chastity was so clearly compromised. I wondered if Edward had paid Whitney handsomely to overlook it.
‘You will find,’ she said, after a moment, ‘when it is your turn, that being the daughter of a queen and a gentleman avails you nothing if you have no fortune or… beauty… to speak of. You will take what is on offer and be glad of it.’
I knew I would not.
‘I do not wish to wed,’ I said hotly. ‘I cannot see that it makes anyone very happy, so why do it?’
Dame Margery’s mouth fell open in shock at such heresy but Alison simply shook her head. ‘You are so determined to be naïve, Mary Seymour,’ she said. ‘Can you truly be in such ignorance of how the world works?’
I was not, of course. I observed the lives of others even if nothing happened to me. Yet it was true that I could see little benefit for a woman in marriage. If it were a love match, it would end
