Lord must get tired of hearing her confess the same sin over and over again, she thought. She pushed the swing with her foot, listening to the comforting creak. Each time, she promised to try harder, but trying harder didn’t seem to be the answer.
She tried to picture Doc and Brett talking together over their meal. She’d like to believe Doc was insisting Brett follow through on his promise. She’d like to, but she couldn’t. Doc would never admit how desperately he needed help.
Headlights pierced the darkness, illuminating the trunks of the maples. Brett parked at the curb, got out, and stood for a moment, looking in her direction. Then he walked toward her, and suddenly her heart seemed to be beating way too fast.
Enough, she lectured. Brett doesn’t mean anything to you anymore, remember?
His footsteps crunched through the fallen leaves on the walk. “Mind if I join you?”
She shrugged, moving over to make room on the swing. It creaked as he sat. He leaned back, and she tried to ignore the warmth that emanated from him. Tried, and failed.
“This has to be the same swing.” He pushed gently with his foot. “I remember the creak.”
“You should. You and Angela spent enough time out here.”
She remembered, too. Remembered sitting at her bedroom window in the dark, listening to their soft, private laughter and the creak of the swing. Wishing she were sitting beside him.
“The good old days.” He leaned back, staring up at the stars as she had done. “Seems like a lifetime ago.”
“It probably seems longer to you because you’ve been so many different places since then.” She bit back the words that wanted to spill out about where he’d been and where he was going in the future.
“I guess.” He pushed again, the swing moving back and forth with a little more energy, as if it picked up on some agitation he didn’t show.
She couldn’t pretend she didn’t know where he’d gone tonight, and she couldn’t act as if it didn’t matter. She’d just have to choose her words carefully, that was all. Brett seemed willing to forget their earlier quarrel, and she had no desire to remind him.
“Did you and Doc have a nice supper?” That was neutral enough, surely.
A faint smile flickered on his lips. “We ate at the Bluebird Café. Hasn’t anyone in this town heard of healthy cuisine?”
“Only the newcomers. Let me guess. Doc had chicken and gravy.”
He nodded. “Got it in one. And rolls with butter, and mashed potatoes.”
“Nobody can resist Cassie’s homemade rolls.” This didn’t seem to be getting them any closer to the subject she needed to discuss, but at least they weren’t sniping at each other.
“Doc should at least cut down on the butter, and he knows it. That’s what he’d tell a patient.” He frowned, turning to face her. The swing stopped abruptly as he planted both feet on the porch. “He needs to retire.”
“Did he say so?”
“No.” He gave an exasperated sigh. “Of course he didn’t say so.” He shook his head. “Go on, ask. You know you want to.”
He sounded frustrated, but not angry, so maybe it was safe to broach the sore subject.
“Did you tell him?” She held her breath, waiting for an explosion.
His jaw tightened. “Yes. I told him. I think he’d already guessed most of it.”
“What did he say?”
“About what you’d expect.”
She swallowed hard. “That’s it, then.” She hated saying the words. “He’s given you his blessing. You can go away and forget about the clinic.” About us.
“You know I can’t.”
She looked up at him. He was very close to her, but it was hard to make out his expression in the dark.
“What do you mean?” She held her breath. Maybe he was about to say—
“I mean you were right. I can’t ignore this. I owe Doc too much for that.”
Hope surged through her. “You’ll stay?”
He shook his head, and the hope died as quickly as it had come. “I can’t. Try and understand that, Rebecca. Doc does.”
“I don’t.” If that was incitement to a quarrel, it would have to be. “You admit you owe Doc. Is that how you intend to repay him? By leaving?”
“I’ll help out at the clinic for the time being.” He sounded grimly determined. “And while I’m doing that I’ll figure out a way Doc can retire with an easy mind. But as for the future…” He shrugged. “I don’t think it’s going to be the way you wanted.”
She already knew that. Dreams didn’t come true, not in real life. Prince Charming didn’t come back for Cinderella.
“I guess not.”
The swing creaked as he moved. Then he touched her chin lightly, the way he’d tease a smile from a child. The warmth of his hand flowed through her, and her heart stuttered.
“Don’t think too badly of me, okay? Maybe none of us should be held to promises we make when we are kids. After all, you promised to marry me if I’d just wait until you were grown up.”
He must feel the warmth that flooded her cheeks. “That was a long time ago.”
“Now you’re all grown up, and everything’s changed.” His hand still lingered against her cheek. “I’ve changed, too. But I’m going to do my best to help Doc, so I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”
A faint hope flickered. He’d be helping out at the clinic every day. Maybe being there would make him realize this was where he belonged. Maybe God was giving her another chance to convince him to stay.
The trouble was, she’d have to find a way to do it without having her heart broken by the man she’d given it to when she was five.
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