didn’t make her feel as if she’d achieved anything; she was in limbo.
Then the doorbell rang.
Her heart leapt. Had Ellis come back?
No, of course not. How stupid of her to think it.
She opened the door to see her best friend, Tina, bearing what looked suspiciously like a box of homemade cake.
‘With today being what it is, I thought you could do with some company tonight,’ Tina said, ‘and this.’ She lifted the box. ‘Lemon cake.’
Ruby’s favourite. And Ruby knew without a doubt Tina had made it especially for her. It was probably still warm.
‘There isn’t anyone in the world I’d rather see right now,’ Ruby said, meaning it. Not even Ellis. Because with her best friend Ruby knew she wouldn’t have that edge of guilt and faint shame that she seemed to feel around Ellis nowadays, outside work. ‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ She hugged her best friend, hard.
Tina hung her coat in the hallway and made herself at home in the kitchen, putting the kettle on and getting the teapot out of the cupboard, the way she and Ruby had done hundreds of times over the years in each other’s kitchens. ‘So how did it go this afternoon?’
‘Really well. It didn’t matter that it was raining. Ellis had brought a couple of huge umbrellas and waterproof blankets for us to sit on.’ Ruby smiled. ‘We made a sandcastle and put the ashes in the moat, covered it with rose petals, toasted Tom with champagne and let the sea wash the sandcastle and the ashes away together.’
‘It sounds perfect—well, as perfect as something like that could be.’ Tina finished making the tea, put the lemon cake on the plate and cut them both a slice, then handed Ruby a steaming mug. ‘To Tom,’ she said, lifting her mug and clinking it against Ruby’s. ‘I’ll miss him horribly. But I’ll always be glad I knew him, because he was just the nicest guy in the world.’
‘Yeah.’ Ruby took a sip of her tea to take the lump out of her throat.
‘Hey. It’s OK to cry,’ Tina said softly.
‘No. I want to remember him with smiles, not tears,’ Ruby insisted. ‘He wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be miserable.’
‘But?’
Ruby and Tina had clicked immediately when they’d met on the first day of their nursing training at the age of eighteen, and they’d been friends for long enough to have a pretty good idea what each other wasn’t saying.
‘I feel a bit guilty, that’s all.’ Ruby wasn’t quite ready to admit her feelings for Ellis, but she also knew that Tina was the best person she could float ideas past. Someone who’d be honest with her.
‘Why on earth do you feel guilty?’ Tina looked puzzled.
‘Because tomorrow it’ll be a year and a day—the last traditional day of mourning—and over those last months Tom said to me quite a few times that he didn’t want me to be alone and grieving for him. He said he wanted me to live a happy life with someone who loves me as much as he did.’
‘Now you’re putting a lump in my throat.’ Tina hugged her. ‘Though he’s right—you’re still young. In fact, at twenty-nine you’re practically a baby.’
Ruby laughed. There were all of six months between them, with Ruby being one of the youngest in their academic year and Tina one of the oldest. ‘Thirty’s not exactly old, Tina.’
‘No.’ Tina looked at her. ‘Rubes, are you saying you want to date again?’
‘I love Tom—I always will—but I think I’m ready to move on. Scattering his ashes today felt a lot like closure,’ Ruby said. ‘But is everyone going to think I’m heartless and I should wait a lot longer before even thinking about moving on?’
‘No. Some people will probably mutter about it being too soon,’ Tina said, ‘but remember that you can’t please all of the people all of the time, so don’t let that get to you. It’s none of their business. You’re the only one who can really say when you’re ready.’
‘I guess.’ Ruby bit her lip. ‘I just…’ She shook her head and sighed. ‘Sorry.’
‘As you said, Tom wanted you to be happy and he wanted you to find someone else. You have his blessing, and you don’t need anyone else’s.’
Even if I fell for his best friend?
But Ruby couldn’t quite bring herself to ask that. She’d barely admitted it to herself and she still needed time to get used to the idea.
‘You know, we’ve got a new registrar in Neurology. He’s a nice guy. Single. New to London. Maybe…’ Tina let the suggestion hang in the air.
‘Maybe,’ Ruby said.
‘Don’t make a decision now. Just think about it,’ Tina said gently. ‘In the meantime, I think we need a feel-good film and more cake.’
‘Brilliant idea. Let’s do it,’ Ruby said, and ushered her best friend into the living room.
But she found it hard to concentrate on the film, because she couldn’t stop thinking about Ellis. Ellis, with his haunted grey eyes. Ellis, who had itchy feet but had stayed in one place for the longest time since his training, specifically to be there for her.
Her husband’s best friend.
What if…?
RUBY EXAMINED MRS HARRIS GENTLY.
‘So is everything OK?’ Mrs Harris asked anxiously.
‘I’m happy with how you’re doing,’ Ruby said, ‘but we do have a tiny complication, in that your little one is quite happy being bottom-down rather than top-down. So I just want a quick chat with the doctor to talk through your options for the birth.’
Mrs Harris bit her lip. ‘So the baby’s in the wrong position?’
‘Bottom-first rather than head-first—it’s called being a breech baby,’ Ruby explained. ‘It’s a really common position in early pregnancy, but the baby usually turns by itself into the head-first position before birth. Your baby hasn’t turned yet, that’s all.’
‘Does it mean there’s something wrong with the baby?’ Mrs Harris asked.
‘No. It happens with about three in a hundred babies, and there are all kinds of reasons for it, some of them being plain baby awkwardness because they want to do things their way rather than follow their mum’s birth plan,’ Ruby reassured her. ‘I’ll just go and get Dr Webster, and then we can talk it through with him.’ She squeezed Mrs Harris’s hand. ‘Try not to worry. There are a few things we can do to persuade the baby to turn.’ She smiled, and went to find Ellis in his office.
Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. Ellis was wearing a charcoal grey suit, a white
