Rose kissed the top of Milly’s head. “Not even a bump.”
Milly wiggled in Rose’s arms. “I sit big chair.”
The smile Rose gave his daughter reminded Silas of why he’d thought Rose would make a good mother. There was a compassion within her that seemed to understand instinctively what a child needed. Deeper than that, though, was that her heart seemed to flow with a never-ending love for children.
Rose relaxed her hold on Milly and allowed the little girl to scoot over to the unoccupied portion of the sofa. Milly preened as she adjusted herself to a comfortable position, her little legs not even reaching the edge of the seat. Milly smiled, a wide grin flashing a mouth full of baby teeth.
“I big girl,” Milly declared, her gaze sweeping the room.
She’d never been allowed to sit on the sofa in the parlor at the Garretts’ home. They’d told Milly little girls weren’t allowed in the room, and she spent most of her time confined to the nursery.
“You sure are,” Rose said, giving Milly an affectionate pat. She turned her gaze to Silas, finally looking at him. “I don’t think she was injured in her fall.”
It hadn’t occurred to Silas that Milly would have been hurt, but he smiled at Rose all the same. “Thank you. I appreciate your kindness toward my daughter.”
“Of course. She’s a sweet girl.” Rose’s expression softened further, and as Silas studied her face, he realized once again what a difficult position he’d put her in.
Back when they were courting, they used to talk about the family they’d have together. Silas had always said he wanted a daughter with dark hair, like Rose, but Rose had always insisted that she wanted a son who resembled him.
Why had he spoken such foolishness? Oh, he’d meant the words when he spoke them. Had fervently wanted them to come true. But he’d known what his father wanted, what his family needed. He’d hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t come to the eventuality of his marriage to Annie, but it was all for naught.
He never shared any of this with Rose, never gave her the option of protecting her heart. All this time, he’d justified his actions by saying he’d only been lying to himself. But as he watched her interact with the little girl he once told her they’d have together, his heart ached. He knew that he’d lied to her, as well.
* * *
Rose was grateful when Matthew’s cries gave her an excuse to leave the room. Ordinarily, his fussiness would have frustrated her. Little Catherine had started sleeping through the night ages ago, but Matthew staunchly refused to sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. She yawned as she picked him up out of his cradle. Usually, she just kept him with her because it hardly seemed worth the effort to continue going up and down. But today, with her emotions racing all over the place, taking care of her son gave her the respite she needed.
“There, now, sweet fellow. Mama’s here.” She picked him up and cradled him against her. She hadn’t been lying when she’d said that having Matthew made up for all that she’d gone through, all the wrongs that had happened in her life.
Even now, when the brief pause in her routine gave her body room to remind her how exhausted she was, Rose still wouldn’t change any of it.
Would her life be different had Silas gone through with his plan to marry her?
Undoubtedly.
But as Matthew smiled up at her, Rose couldn’t imagine wanting that life anymore.
Matthew settled in her arms, and she thought about the little girl she’d held only a short time before. Milly. Silas clearly loved her the way she loved Matthew. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t make herself continue to hate him.
Forgiveness.
No, she didn’t feel it in her heart. In fact, she still wanted to rail at him and tell him of all the hurt she’d experienced as a result of her broken heart. But that wasn’t the way of forgiveness. It wasn’t the way of Jesus.
Although it didn’t say so explicitly, Rose knew that the part where the Bible talked about leaving everything behind for the sake of following Him also meant letting go of her old grudges. Including the one she had against Silas.
Easier said than done.
But with the Lord’s help, she’d keep trying, not for his sake, because he didn’t deserve her mercy, but because of the mercy that had been given to her.
“Rose?” Maddie appeared in the doorway. “Frank was hoping you’d rejoin them in the parlor. I believe they want you to be a part of the discussion.”
Rose nodded slowly, adjusting the baby in her arms. It seemed that God wanted her to keep facing this, to keep dealing with the pain and the hurt until it went away. So be it.
“Do you want me to take Matthew for you? We could go outside in the sun for a while. It might improve his disposition.”
The concerned look on the older woman’s face wasn’t meant as a criticism, but an honest offer of help. Everyone in the Lassiter house had taken turns up with Matthew all night in hopes that someone could get him to sleep. His fussing would be a distraction in the room with the others, but Rose couldn’t bear to give him up. Not when he served as a reminder that every wound, every moment she suffered, and yes, every mistake, was worth it.
“I’ll be fine.” She adjusted the baby in her arms as she handed him his favorite rattle. It would keep him occupied for a short time at least.
Maddie pursed her lips disapprovingly, and she was probably right to do so. But Matthew wasn’t fussing now, and Rose needed the comfort of the baby in her arms.
She carried him to the parlor, where everyone seemed to be in cheerful conversation. Uncle Frank had found a doll for Milly to play with, and the little girl seemed content sitting on the sofa snuggling the toy.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Rose said, taking the seat she’d vacated next to Milly. She expected her heart to twist at the sight of the little girl, but when she’d held Milly in her arms, all she could think was that Milly was like any other child, in need of a few cuddles and some love. As much as Rose still found it difficult to even look at Silas, her resentment didn’t seem to carry over to his child.
“Who dat?” Milly asked, poking the baby.
“This is Matthew, my son.”
“Ma-few,” Milly said, tugging on his leg. “We pway.”
Rose smiled. “He’s too little to play. But if you wave the doll in front of him, he might smile for you.”
Milly dangled the doll in front of Matthew, making funny noises. Matthew giggled.
“He yikes me!” Milly beamed.
“He does,” Uncle Frank said, a tender tone to his voice. While Joseph’s daughter was a happy baby and seemed to giggle and smile at everything, Matthew was of a more choleric nature. Everything made him cry, and a smile was hard-won. To make her notoriously cranky son giggle required a combination of timing, patience and skill.
Even
