here, especially with all the other paraphernalia to keep her occupied, but seriously, what did he know about this? Did she walk or crawl? Did she look like Rachel or Billy?
Nerves pumped through him and he didn’t like it. Not one bit. Matt never got nervous. He’d handled multibillion-dollar mergers and never broken a sweat, so it baffled his mind as to why he was getting all worked up.
Besides, what did he think would happen here tonight? Did he truly believe they could pick back up where they’d left off before Billy died? He’d deserted her due to his own selfish needs and worry he wouldn’t be able to control those wants. He’d had to push her away for both of their sakes.
Surely he wasn’t so delusional to think that she’d...what? Want to tumble into bed with him? He’d be a complete liar if he said he hadn’t fantasized about her since the moment they’d met. There was probably some special pocket of hell for men like him, coveting his best friend’s wife.
But Rachel had always been different. Perhaps it was her beauty or the way his entire body tightened with desire when she was around. Maybe it was the way she could go up against anyone in a verbal sparring match that he found so sexy.
Hell, he had no idea. What he was sure of, though, was that having her come to his suite and bring her child along might have been the worst idea he’d ever had.
No, the worst idea he’d had was letting Billy ask Rachel out first. That was where Matt had gone wrong from the start.
The bell chimed throughout the suite and he raked a hand over his cropped hair as he crossed the spacious room. There was no going back now, and he wasn’t about to keep second-guessing himself. Rachel was a friend; so what if he had her over for dinner?
Yet you want more.
He wished like hell the devil on his shoulder would shut up. Matt was well aware of exactly what he wanted from Rachel, but he respected her enough not to seduce her.
With a flick of the lock, Matt pulled the door open and every single best intention of keeping his thoughts platonic vanished.
The formfitting blue shirt that matched her eyes hung off one shoulder. Those well-worn jeans hugged her shapely hips, and her little white sneakers had him immediately thinking back to the younger version he’d first met. But this grown-up Rachel had a beautiful baby girl on her hip...a baby that was a mirror image of her mother right down to the prominent dimples around her mouth.
Matt had always been fascinated by Rachel’s mouth and those damn dimples. Every time she smiled, he’d been mesmerized.
“Come in.”
Geesh, he’d been staring and reminiscing like some hormonal teen. He was a damn grown man, CEO of a billion-dollar company, and he stood here as if he’d never seen an attractive woman before.
“Wow, this is one snazzy hotel.”
Rachel moved into the living area and spun in a slow circle. Her daughter still clutched her little arms around her mother’s shoulders.
“I thought the outside was impressive,” she stated. “But this penthouse suite is bigger than the apartment I’d been renting.”
Matt frowned. Why the hell had she lived in such a small space to begin with? He understood her emotional reasoning for selling the home she and Billy shared, but why an apartment? Could she not afford another home?
He had no right to ask about her financial standing, but that’s exactly what he wanted to do. Obviously this wasn’t something he’d get into with Ellie here.
“I figure this is a good place to hide while I’m in town,” he joked. “I can work from the offices at the TCC clubhouse and come back here and enjoy the amenities of the gym and sauna, and having dinner here is no hardship.”
Rachel patted her daughter’s back. “Then you can stay up here on the balcony and look down on the peons and paparazzi?”
“Something like that,” Matt laughed. “Actually, I had our dinner set up out there if you’d like to head out. The view is breathtaking.”
Rachel moved toward the open French doors. “I don’t know if it’s safe to have Ellie out here.”
As she stepped outside, she gasped as she took in everything he’d done. “Matt, my word! What didn’t you think of?”
Matt shrugged, wondering if he’d gone overboard. Hell, he hadn’t known what to do, so in those instances his default was always to do everything. His motto had always been “Better to have too much than not enough.”
“I wasn’t sure if she used a high chair,” he stated, stepping over the threshold to join her. “When I called my assistant for reinforcements, I told her to ask for the works. The guy came to set all of this up and asked how many kids I had.”
Rachel laughed as she turned and surveyed the spacious balcony. Matt couldn’t take his eyes off her or her daughter. He wasn’t even sure how to feel looking at Billy’s child, but when he saw that sweet girl, he really only saw Ellie.
Guilt slithered in slowly from so many different angles. He shouldn’t still have been lusting after his late friend’s wife, but there was clearly no stopping that. But he also shouldn’t be wanting to get closer to Rachel knowing full well that he wasn’t looking for a family or any type of long-term commitment.
Being married to a career didn’t leave much time for feeding into a relationship. Besides, he couldn’t lose Rachel as a friend. The risks were too high that that was exactly what would happen if he pressed on with his pent up desires.
Rachel still hadn’t said anything as she continued to take in everything. One area of the stretched balcony looked as if a department store had set up their latest display of baby gear. High chair, Pack ’n Play, play mat, toys, stationary swing...
“I don’t know the age for any of this stuff, so if you need something else let me know and I’ll call—”
“No.” Rachel turned back around to face him, her eyes filled with unshed tears. “This is... I don’t even have words. You invited me for dinner and thought of everything for Ellie.”
His gaze darted to the child in question. Her wide brown eyes, exactly like Rachel’s, were focused on him. She clutched a little yellow blanket against her chest and huddled against her mother for security. Something shifted inside Matt, an unknown emotion he couldn’t label and wasn’t sure he wanted to explore.
“She’s beautiful.” Matt turned his gaze back to Rachel as a shimmer of awareness flowed through him. “Just like her mother.”
She blinked and glanced away, never one to take a compliment. That had never stopped him from offering them. Even when the three of them had all hung out, back in the day, Matt would tell her she looked nice or he liked her hair. There hadn’t been a time he recalled hearing Billy compliment his wife, and Matt hadn’t been able to help himself. Billy had been a great friend, yet from everything Matt could tell, he had been a lousy husband.
But really, all of this was a moot point. Because regardless of the state of their marriage, Matt knew he shouldn’t be trying to make a play for Billy’s wife. He had regrets in his life, but this might be the most asshole-ish thing he’d ever done. Still, Matt had never
