a chance to work anything out.” He held her gaze as though it was a lifeline while experiencing a rush of emotions he didn’t want to feel and had no clue how to deal with.
“Then let me answer the questions for you. No. No to you seeing him once or twice a year. No to long-distance phone calls and the inevitable excuses when you miss his birthday. Or his first spelling bee. Or his first softball game. No to him being a media spectacle. He deserves more, and I won’t step aside and let you do that to him. Somehow I’ll stop you if you try.”
He ran a hand over his face. Dammit. He couldn’t deny that a lot of what she said was true. She’d pretty much nailed what would happen if his life continued as it had for the past twelve years. He was more than ready for some normal in his crazy life. He wanted a home, a family. But he didn’t know how to change, and if he was honest with himself, he didn’t know if he wanted to. The work, the travel, the physical aspects of it, the concentration needed...it was the only thing keeping the monster inside at bay.
It was a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. He should take the out she was offering, make sure Kelly had plenty of money in her bank account and leave them both alone before he caused them to be thrown into the media spotlight, which she would no doubt view as under the bus. Before he became abusive like his old man. It made Jace every kind of selfish for wanting to keep them in his life. But he did. And how convoluted was that?
Despite her show of bravado, he wanted to pull her into his arms, hold her close and promise he would make everything okay. But he couldn’t. He didn’t know how to make her believe things would work out when he had doubts about it himself. He knew he had to do something. But the answer of how to make this right seemed worlds away.
After all she’d been through Kelly had more internal fortitude than anyone he’d ever known, with the single exception of his mom. But while Kelly’s resilience and internal strength were admirable, he couldn’t leave things as they were regardless of what she said she wanted or, in fact, didn’t want.
“He is my son.”
“Yes.” She nodded. “He is.”
“And you want me to just walk away?”
She looked down, as though giving her answer serious thought. “I’m telling you that you have a choice. His life will not revolve around yours. I won’t stand by while you break his heart, then try and pick up the pieces after you again disappear.”
“Kelly—”
She raised her hand to silence him.
“That said...” She hesitated as if making up her mind about a difficult decision. “I have plans for tomorrow, but if you want to see him while you’re here, come by Monday afternoon. I get home around five thirty. He’s still too young to form any attachment or be upset when you leave.” She again brushed at a spot just below her eye. He heard a soft sniff. “I’m not doing this to be mean, Jace. You have every right to see your son. He’s beautiful. You will be so proud. I...I wish you could be in his life always. Every day. But we both know that isn’t realistic. And I have to protect Henry, even if it’s from his own father.”
“We can work this out, Kelly. I know we can.”
Her eyes found his through the darkness. “Maybe,” she whispered.
Maybe was better than no. Jace would take it for the time being. He understood what she was saying. Between the travel his career required and the fear that he might someday become as abusive as his father, he couldn’t argue—even though he wanted to.
“I have to be up early in the morning. It’s late.”
“Okay. Monday. Five thirty. I’ll see you then.”
Kelly nodded, stepped inside and closed the door.
* * *
Jace blindly turned and walked to his truck. His emotions were all over the place. Even though he didn’t like it at all, he had to give merit to Kelly’s need to protect the baby. He wanted to be angry with her, his mind playing out the possibilities of what would have happened if he hadn’t come back. Would she have waited until the child was grown to introduce them? Or simply raised the boy to believe he had no father? Either way was unacceptable. Yet on the heels of that thought was the fact that she had tried to reach him. He had no doubt she’d tried. It was a vicious circle and it all came back to him. He’d screwed up. Royally.
He climbed inside the truck, slamming the door quite a bit harder than was needed. All the regrets, all the shouldas and couldas, were tripping through his mind. But the big question was: what was he going to do now? It was so overwhelming he wished he had reason to doubt his paternity. But he knew, without any doubt, the baby was his. Kelly just wasn’t a person who would make up something like this. Some would. But not Kelly.
Inasmuch as she intended her life to continue as it had so far, Jace knew it wouldn’t happen. Her world was about to change and, from her perspective, not necessarily for the better. Sooner or later the media would find out about the ranch. It was only a matter of time. And eventually there was a very good possibility they would discover Kelly and their son. Especially if she’d listed Jace’s name on the birth certificate. It would turn her life into a media circus, one she was not equipped to handle. He’d dealt with overzealous fans many times and knew what they were capable of. It wouldn’t be safe for Kelly or the baby, and he could not stand back and let that happen.
He pulled away from the curb and headed for the ranch. He had a son. Even knowing all the obstacles in front of them, the idea of having a child was enthralling. The more the fact soaked in, the more incredible it became.
How could he go forward and not include Kelly and the baby in his life? Her vulnerability, her innocence about the world and the people in it who would use her for a stepping-stone to further their career, concerned him. The overwhelming desire to take care of her and the baby fought the knowledge that it could never happen because someday he could hurt them. A surge of intense feelings for her made him ache inside. The war that raged was the most intense pain he’d ever experienced. Broken bones had nothing on the anguish tearing his insides to shreds.
If he cared about Kelly, about his son, he needed to walk away. But where would he find the strength to do so?
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.
Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.
