My sister is beautiful, and I think she will have great success once she makes her debut. But I know she’s shy and uncomfortable. If she had clothes made just for her, and if she worked closely with you on the designs, it might make her feel more confident. You can sew, can’t you?” he continued after a brief pause, sizing her up as though he was entirely unsure of her abilities at anything.
“Yes, of course I can sew.” She cast him an exasperated look, and his eyes danced as though he was hard-pressed not to laugh. “But if you’ll forgive me for saying so, you didn’t seem very impressed with my skills earlier today. Just a few hours ago, you questioned my ability to turn out one single stylish bonnet. Now you want me to create an entire bespoke wardrobe for your sister. Why this sudden change in attitude?”
He paused a moment, and her heart lurched. Would he say something pretty and flowery, something that would compliment her skill and flatter her? Few men did, although her sisters received compliments all the time. In all likelihood, his hesitation was because he didn’t know what to say. She was demanding an explanation, and he must know she wouldn’t take less than an honest answer.
“I was being a bit of a joker this afternoon,” he began slowly. “I was trying to jest with you. Tease you, I am afraid to say. Jane took me to task for it after we left.”
“Do you make a habit of teasing innocent shopkeepers?” She could not suppress the wry smile twisting her mouth, and he grinned back.
“Only when they come and fetch us, demanding our business.”
A warm flush suffused Nan’s cheeks. “I must admit, that was out of character for me. A move born of desperation, I’m afraid. I know I should trust in the Lord, but it’s hard to always remember that.”
“I don’t know that I would hold with some notion of a god playing with us, like a bunch of chess pieces.” John guided her through the closing figure of the dance. “I think boldness in business is a highly admirable skill.”
Becky’s playing grew softer and ended with a single note. John bowed as Nan curtsied, but the end of the dance wouldn’t mark the end of the interrogation. His remarks discomfited her, but at the same time, there was not much she could say in return. At least, not now. The idea of starting a new argument, this one about the existence of God, was too much after an already long day.
“I suppose I should be glad you admire boldness. However, you still haven’t answered my question. Did you make your sudden change because you felt badly about your behavior?”
He laughed. “You give me far too much credit. No, I can’t really explain why I’ve changed my mind. I suppose if you were going to tie it to just one thing, it would be because you get along with my sister so well already. Jane allows very few people into her circle. She never warms up to anyone as quickly as she warmed up to you. I think your very presence would have a calming effect on her.”
Nan nodded as he guided her over to one of the chairs pushed up against the wall. “I like Jane very much.”
For all his teasing ways, John must be feeling some hint of nervousness, for his shoulders relaxed as she spoke the words. “So, you will agree to it, then? I can entrust Jane to you, and no longer worry about the matter?”
“I did not say that.” Nan took her seat with a flourish, smoothing out her skirts. Somehow, the knowledge that he’d been nervous, too, made her feel a bit more confident. “I will think about it. I don’t know how I would manage both the shop and an entire wardrobe for Miss Reed, but I will give the matter some thought.”
“The shop?” He shrugged. “That’s an unnecessary complication. No, we must have your undivided attention. You would simply have to close the shop.”
“Close it?” Nan shook her head. “I had not even considered that.”
“Look.” John drew a chair up close to Nan and cast a most persuasive gaze upon her. “You said yourself that the shop was doing poorly. Why not let it go? You’d have to come to London with us anyway. Or at the very least, you’d be spending the next several months with us at Grant Park.”
Nan blinked. There was some truth to what he said. “I hadn’t thought of that at all.”
“Come along, you two.” Paul clapped his hands and strode over. “We’re about to start a new dance. Whatever are you talking about so intently, all tucked away in this corner?”
“I’ve just made Miss Siddons an offer that could change her whole life,” John replied, giving Paul a boyish grin. “Provided, of course, that she has sense enough to accept it.”
Nan glanced over at her young helpers, Abigail and Mercy. The two girls had been with the sisters’ millinery shop for some time now, and they were both quick and eager workers. Despite their nimble fingers and helpful ways, they never grew any closer to Nan than after they’d started. Nan stifled a sigh. It would be a relief to unburden herself to them—to tell them both about the previous night, and how John’s challenge was taken as a proposal of marriage by Susannah and Becky.
Her cheeks burned at the memory of her sisters leaping up, embracing her and telling her how happy she would be. John’s excessive apologies afterward cleared up the mess but somehow also made her feel like even more of an old maid than she was. He had just been offering her a job, not asking for her hand in marriage. His tone of voice, echoing in her ears, grated on her last nerve. Nan clenched her teeth and tightened her hold on the bonnet brim she was trimming. The sudden pressure made the brim snap.
Abigail and Mercy gasped in unison, staring over at Nan with round eyes.
She couldn’t blame them. She’d never spoiled anything she’d worked on, ever. A mistake cost the shop money, and she would never lose money if she could help it. Nan gave them both a taut smile, but it was hardly a welcoming and calming expression, she was sure. She needed to get out of the shop. If she stayed, she’d start pacing—her pet habit when agitated. If she started pacing, then Abigail and Mercy would know something was wrong.
“Better go out for a while—need to get bread for dinner,” she said, but her nerves were so frayed that the words tumbled out in an unintelligible rush. She left the shop in a swirl of skirts, banging the door shut behind her.
Now what should she do?
If she headed farther into the village, she’d be tempted to go spy on the French milliner. If she applied reason and logic to the situation, she would know that there was no good that would come of staring at the poor woman. Yet, she was not the kind of girl who could find comfort by rambling for hours over the moors, as her sister Becky did. So, should she go into the village? Or roam the fields? Neither choice was particularly appealing.
Tansley Village was so awfully small. Funny, she hadn’t really noticed the village’s closeness until just now. If you had to go somewhere for privacy, where was there to go?
There was no place to go. For once, she craved the anonymity of a city street so that she could lose herself among the bustling crowd. Someplace like London, where she could merely fade into the background and be alone with her thoughts.
Father, help me. Help me move past all this. If only God could blot out the memory of her humiliation, and remove the sting. If only it
