to Mrs Fairley had achieved, he’d gladly put everything aside to see Laura off to the stay maker.
It was what lay beneath the stays which interested him the most.
His loins tightened again and he stood, trying to pace off the agitating desire. There’d been no one since Arabella. Many times Justin had urged Philip to follow him to his pleasure haunts, but he’d refused. Unlike Justin, Philip didn’t allow his carnal cravings to guide his decisions, though he’d come perilously close to letting them influence him tonight. Only the greatest control, and the open door, had kept him from kissing Laura. She’d have allowed him the liberty, he was sure. He’d caught the invitation in the faint parting of her lips and the eagerness in her eyes.
His steps slowed as he reached the centre of the carpet. It wasn’t just the unexpected surge of desire which had made him pull back tonight. It was the other, more subtle urge driving him—the craving for her presence as much as her curving body. Her willingness to express her fears and troubles had almost drawn him into revealing his own. It hadn’t been false comfort when he’d said he needed someone to share his burdens with. He did. He wanted her here. He wanted her help. How much more he desired was difficult to discern above the cracking of the ice surrounding his heart.
He stopped and removed his watch from his waistcoat pocket and checked the time. It was early still. He and Justin could spar a few rounds at the club and he might shift some of the lingering discomfort distracting him tonight.
He closed the watch case and slid his thumb over the smooth gold, the memory of Laura’s skin beneath his as troubling as his behaviour with her tonight. She’d caught the reluctance in his caress as easily as he’d noted the hesitation in her answer to his question about being here. At least her hesitation had been honest and affirmative. It was more than he’d expected after this morning’s debacle. Sadly, he hadn’t been as unguarded with her.
He dropped the watch back in his pocket and rang for Chesterton, eager to be at his boxing club. He didn’t need to bare his soul like some poet to establish a solid relationship with Laura. What he needed was time and knowledge. In the coming days, as he taught her his business and she became further enveloped in his life, they would come to know each other and the awkwardness they’d experienced today would lessen. He would keep the hardness inside him hidden as well as the sense of failure fuelling it. They would build a relationship on mutual respect and affection, not worries and fears. They would enjoy a solid future together. The past need not trouble them.
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