Marcus’s were low and came square from his chest, in the vicinity of his heart if she had to wager a guess. Tears welled in Ashley’s eyes. It felt as if she was tampering with perfection even to be here. Was she good enough to be such a big part of their lives? Was she worthy of even a second with Marcus and Lila? He’d been so concerned all along with giving Lila the perfect life, but he’d done precisely that. Lila had a daddy who would do anything to protect her and keep her happy.
Ashley’s eyes connected with Joanna, who’d been witnessing the reunion and was similarly choked up. Their conversation at the distillery was fresh in her mind, the simplest of questions—do you want to figure it out? The answer was an unequivocal yes, even if the prospects scared the living daylights out of her.
“I’m going to run and let you three have your day,” Joanna said. She kissed Lila on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon, sweet girl.” She then ruffled Marcus’s hair into a mess. “Don’t be a tosser.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know. Have fun today. The three of you. Together.” She winked at Ashley and disappeared through the door.
Marcus walked the baby over and stood hip to hip with Ashley. “This is Ashley,” he said to Lila. “I want you two to spend lots of time together. Lots and lots of time.”
Lila was having nothing of the introduction. She seemed to catch sight of her basket of toys in the living room, pointing and kicking to get down. Marcus was quickly flustered, holding on to Lila while she clearly wanted to play.
“It’s okay,” Ashley said. “We can’t force this.”
Marcus walked Lila over to the toys and set her down. The little girl pulled herself to standing with the help of the basket and began yanking toys out of it, one by one, and dropping them to the floor.
“She likes to unpack.” Marcus sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall.
Lila’s work-like approach brought a smile to Ashley’s face. Ashley sat down next to the basket and pulled out a stuffed frog. “Who’s this?”
Lila looked at her, holding on to the basket for balance, a deeply serious look crossing her face. She plucked the animal from Ashley’s hand and deposited it in the pile with the other toys.
“So that’s how this game works?” Ashley reached into the basket again, pulling out a squishy ball and presenting it to Lila. Lila was less concerned now, simply taking the toy and adding to the pile.
“Yes. We put every last toy on the floor and then we play. Not before then,” Marcus said. “Lila’s rules. I simply follow orders.”
“You have Daddy trained. Smart girl.” Ashley tried again, finding a well-loved stuffed bunny. Lila’s face lit up when Ashley handed it over.
“Oh. Look, Lila,” Marcus said. “Ashley found Mr. Bunny.”
Lila set Mr. Bunny on the floor, but separated from the other toys, and went back to work, reaching down deep into the basket.
Marcus reached out and held on to the back of Lila’s shirt. “This was always my worry, that she’d go headfirst into the basket. It gets a bit treacherous when we get to the bottom.”
Lila squirmed against Marcus’s grip and let go of the basket, dropping down to sit on the floor.
“What if we just do this?” Ashley grabbed the basket and dumped the remaining toys onto the floor.
Lila’s eyes were wide with shock. She stared at Ashley, not moving. Ashley was duly mortified, bracing for a bout of tears. Then the little girl’s face lit up with delight. She giggled so hard her shoulders bounced. She scrambled to her hands and knees, crawled to the pile of toys, picked up a block and passed it to Ashley, who wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. So she put it back in the basket. Lila laughed again and went for another toy.
Marcus sat back and shook his head, smiling. “Leave it to you to devise a new game.”
“I’m just following her cues,” Ashley said, tossing toys into the basket. Once it was filled, she sent the toys crashing to the floor. Lila nearly exploded with fits of laughter.
Marcus joined in, and they played the new game for a good hour until Lila eventually got tired of it and began crawling around the apartment. He and Ashley followed the baby as she explored. She’d pull herself up to standing next to the couch or coffee table, stepping side to side, holding on. At one point she let go of the couch, reached for the coffee table and made the short journey.
“She’s going to be walking soon,” Ashley said. “Like, really soon.”
“I know. It’s all going so fast.” Marcus sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to him. “Sit. You should pace yourself.”
“I’m starting to get that idea.”
He put his arm around Ashley and pulled her close, kissing her forehead. Lila took notice and turned back to them, planting her hands on Marcus’s knees and bouncing on her toes. “Do you want up?” He let go of Ashley and scooped Lila up into his arms, planting her on his lap, facing him.
Lila slumped against him, resting the side of her face against his chest, looking at Ashley. Her big brown eyes took everything in—studying, appraising, nothing judgmental. Just collecting data.
Ashley took Lila’s hand, the same dimpled fingers that loved to rub her Daddy’s stubble. Her skin was so pristine, no signs of age, so fresh and new. Innocent. How could her mother have left these tiny hands behind? How could she have walked away from this sweet face? Perhaps that only underscored what pain Elle must have been in. And could Ashley ever fill the void that was left behind? Or would she spend her days feeling as though she would never measure up?
“I see why you’re so protective of her. I see why you only want to hold on to her and never let her go. I can see why you didn’t want me within five hundred feet of her.”
“Please tell me that you know I don’t feel like that anymore. More than anything, I want you to spend time with her. I’m hoping you’ll fall in love with her the way you fell in love with me.”
Ashley smiled and snuggled up to him on the couch. How could she not fall in love with Lila? Just a few hours with her and Lila had already made herself at home in Ashley’s heart. Right alongside her dad.
Monday morning had arrived and Ashley couldn’t have been any more sad and conflicted. Her heart felt as though it weighed five hundred pounds. Today was the day she got her apartment back, the day the real cleanup would start, the day her new builder would set in motion the thing that had brought her and Marcus together. She now worried it might tear them apart.
Today was supposed to be a sign of setting things back on the right track, but she knew very well that pursuing things with her apartment was wrong. She belonged with Marcus and Lila. But she’d also put down a ten-thousand-dollar deposit with her new builder. That was an awful lot of money to walk away from when everything was still so new with Marcus. Considering everything she’d come from, and everything her parents counted on her for, she couldn’t say that it didn’t matter.
