into the backyard at the oak tree he used to climb. Over the years, it has been responsible for many of his skinned knees. And I was always close by to make them better. “Oh, that’s right,” I say. “You have class in a few minutes, don’t you? I keep forgetting the time difference.” When he doesn’t say anything, I blurt, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” I hear a muffled sound, laughter, then he says, “I have to go.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound tired. Why didn’t you call me back last night?”
“Because we talked yesterday morning.”
“I just wanted to hear about your day.” I nibble my lower lip.
“I need to go, Mom. I’ll call you later.”
“Okay. I miss—” A click sounds. Feeling like a snubbed little girl, I punch off the phone, lay it down.
For the next ten minutes, I stare at the oak tree’s gently swaying branches and worry about Troy. It’s been more than two weeks since we left him in Colorado. I’ve talked to him every day. Sometimes twice. Each time I call, he sounds more distracted and has less to say. I tell myself a voice from home will boost his spirits, let him know we’re thinking about him, make him feel less alone.
Until this morning, he has never hung up on me.
I’ve been reading a book about the college experience. I bought it when Taylor left home for SMU. Apparently, depression is common among freshmen in the early weeks of the first semester, though Taylor never seemed to experience it.
I wander into the kitchen, pour coffee, sip. The day looms ahead, a void of empty hours to fill. Last week I planted pansies in the flower beds, caught up on the laundry from our trip, sorted through the mail and had a manicure, pedicure and massage. Day before yesterday, I removed the left-behind posters from Troy’s bedroom walls, put away trophies and trinkets, dug pennies and quarters and dimes from the carpet, pulled crumpled napkins and homework papers from beneath the bed. Yesterday, I bought a new spread and window valances in dark green—Troy’s favorite color. I chose wall hangings and paintings and throw pillows, careful to keep everything masculine for when he’s home for the holidays and summers.
At least six times over the past two weeks, I’ve had lunch with friends. But they all still have children at home, and they’re busy with the start of the fall semester—school volunteer work and sports booster club meetings. Mad dashes to Wal-Mart for poster board and colored pencils. Hungry teenagers to feed in the late afternoons and early evenings. I couldn’t find anyone free to meet me later today.
And I don’t have one thing to do.
In the next room, the vacuum cleaner whirs. Myra, my once-a-week housekeeper is hard at work. I walk into the living room and tap her shoulder. She startles and twists around, then turns off the vacuum. “You scared the crap out of me,” Myra barks. She is a woman with a gruff manner and little to say. For some reason, she always seems irritated, even on the few occasions when she laughs. But she can make a toilet bowl twinkle like a diamond; when she finishes scrubbing one, you almost feel guilty using it.
Myra tightens the rubber band securing her limp, shoulder-length gray hair into a loose ponytail.
I blink at her. “Why don’t you take a break and have a cup of coffee with me?”
She blinks back and frowns. “Coffee?” Her bushy brows pull together in the center. In the six years she has worked for me, I have never asked her this question before. Oh, we chat about the weather or at least grunt, Hello, how’re you doin, at one another when she’s cleaning and our paths cross, but we aren’t chummy. “I don’t need a break.” She sounds wary. As if she suspects an ulterior motive behind my invitation. As if she fears I might say I found dust bunnies hopping on the coffee table last week after she left, and I have to fire her. “I’ve only been here thirty minutes,” she informs me.
“Oh.” We stare at one another for five or so seconds before she hits the switch on the vacuum and it whirs to life again.
Depression. The book didn’t mention that parents of college freshmen are prone to the malady, too. Mothers, at least. Carl doesn’t seem at all affected. He is back in high gear, working ten hours a day, often twelve. Sometimes I wonder if Carl would ever mention Troy if I didn’t bring him up first. Or Taylor, for that matter.
Taylor.
I return to the kitchen, pick up the phone and punch in her number.
“Hello!” she croaks.
“Did I wake you?”
“Mom.” She yawns. “Is the sun even up? What time is it?”
“After nine. Are you job hunting today?”
Another yawn. “I don’t know. Maybe. I haven’t lined anything up.”
She needs a lecture, but I’m too relieved to give it. Mooney works the day shift on Tuesdays. I know I’m being selfish, but if she isn’t job hunting, she can keep me company. “I’ve been thinking that you could use some things to spruce up your apartment. You know, to make it your own. A home instead of a bachelor pad.”
“You’re buying?” Suddenly, her voice sounds cheerleader-perky.
“Didn’t Mooney get paid Friday?” She still owes me for the groceries from two weeks ago. Neither she nor her new husband showed up with a check to reimburse me on his prior payday.
“Yeah, Mom, but we do have bills to pay, you know. And he needs a new amplifier for the band. They have a gig coming up and—”
“Sure, why not?” I interrupt. “The shopping spree’s on me.” Anything to get me out of this house.
“You think Elaine might be able to go?”
Elaine is a decorator who has helped me off and on through the years. She possesses the creative eye that I don’t. Still, garage apartments are not her forte. Maybe she will take pity on Taylor when I explain the situation. “I’ll give her a call and see,” I say. I’m feeling better already. Nothing is more fun than shopping with Elaine. And I could stand some easygoing time with my daughter. She hasn’t had a second for anyone but Mooney since the day they met. “When do you want me to pick you up?”
A pause, then Taylor says, “Do you have to go with us?”
Flustered, I stammer, “Well, yes. I, um, thought I would. Why?”
“It’s just…” A dramatic sigh. “We have completely different taste, Mom, and you always try to influence me.”
“Since when?”
“My condo at school? Remember? It ended up looking like your house.”
“That’s not true.” How is it she always puts me on the defensive? “I might have made a few suggestions, but nobody twisted your arm, Taylor. I never forced you to let me buy anything for you that I liked and you didn’t.”
The vacuum quiets. I prop my elbow on my hip and pull the phone away from my ear to distance myself from Taylor’s whine.
“But you make me feel like I should buy what you
