do this again, Jack.’ But her voice held no conviction. She could see that he thought so too by the way he was looking at her.
As if he knew how very close she was to giving in.
He was still looking at her that way as he got up and walked towards her. Still looking as he pushed his hand gently into her hair and tilted her face towards him. Still looking as he brushed his lips against hers with a feather-light kiss that made her insides melt and fizz.
‘Don’t, Jack...’ she murmured against his mouth, her willpower a frail and insubstantial thing that she was having trouble holding onto.
To her surprise he drew back, giving her the space she needed.
Finally acting as though he was listening to her.
Sliding his hand out of her hair, he took a deliberate step backwards, but didn’t stop looking at her.
She felt the loss of his touch so keenly her body gave a throb of anguish.
‘I want us to have another try at our marriage.’ He took a breath. ‘I need you.’
The passion and the absolute certainty she heard in his voice sent her heart into a slow dive, but she fought the feeling, still too afraid to believe what he was saying was true. ‘You don’t need me, Jack.’
‘Yes, I do! There’s this big hole in my life without you that I’ve never been able to fill. It’s like part of me is hollow. A wound that just won’t heal.’
‘You’re comparing me to a wound now? How romantic.’ But despite her jibe she was aware of a warm glow of longing pulsing deep in her chest now.
She pushed it away, telling herself not to be a fool. It was dangerous to hope for this to work out after last time. Too much time and pain and heartache had come between them since those happier days. He was being naïve to think they could get back what they once had.
He locked his gaze with hers, his expression sincere. ‘I’m going to be here for you this time, Em, every step of the way. I’ll look after you, I promise.’
‘Promises aren’t enough, Jack.’
He ran a hand over his face, suddenly looking tired. ‘Then what do you want from me? Tell me, Emma!’
‘A divorce! Like we’d planned!’ she shouted back in frustration.
He stared at her in shock. ‘You want to get a divorce after what happened between us last night?’
‘It was just sex, Jack. We were both a little tipsy and feeling lonely. It was inevitable, I suppose, after all the time we’ve been spending together. But it didn’t mean anything to me.’ She swallowed hard, forcing back a lash of anguish as he stared at her with pain in his eyes.
‘Don’t tell me last night didn’t mean anything to you because I won’t believe you, Emma. You’re not that good an actress,’ he shot at her.
She recoiled at the fury in his voice, resentment suddenly rising from the pit of her belly at the unfairness of it all. ‘You want to bet?’ she retorted in anger. ‘I’ve had years to perfect my mask. Years of smiling and looking serene in the face of some very taxing situations.’
‘Is that what our marriage is to you? A taxing situation?’
‘It hasn’t been a marriage for years, Jack, just an inconvenience,’ she shouted in utter frustration, feeling a jab of shame at how cruel that sounded.
Unable to bear the look of hurt on his face any longer, she strode away from him, banging her shin hard on the coffee table in her haste. But she didn’t stop to soothe the pain away. She had to get out of there. Away from his befuddling presence. He was making her crazy—bringing back all these feelings she didn’t want to have again.
‘Where are you going?’ he said, trying to block her path with his body, but she pushed past him, dodging away from his outstretched hand.
‘Emma, can we please talk some more about this?’
‘It’s not what I want, Jack. I’ve already explained that. There’s no point trying to hold onto the past. We can never get back what we once had. Everything’s different now.’
‘It doesn’t have to be, Em. Fundamentally we’re still the same people. We can make this marriage work.’
Shaking her head, she backed away from him. ‘No, I’m sorry, Jack.’ She took a deep shaky breath and dug her nails into her palms. ‘I don’t want to be married to you any more.’
* * *
Jack felt as though his heart were being crushed in his chest.
‘Don’t leave, Emma. Please. Stay and we’ll talk some more about it.’ He put a hand on her arm, aware that he was vibrating with fear now. ‘Please.’
Shaking her head, she pulled away from his touch and stumbled backwards. ‘I can’t, Jack.’
Her gaze met his and all he saw there was a wild determination to get away from him.
Chest tight with sorrow, he tried one last time to get through to her. ‘Emma, I love you, please don’t leave me again.’
Putting up a hand as if to block his words, she took another step away, reinforcing the barrier between them, rebuffing his pleas.
‘I have to go,’ she said, her voice rough and broken. ‘I can’t be here any more. Don’t follow me. I don’t want you to.’
And with that, she turned on her heel and strode away from him.
Frozen with frustration, he remained standing where she’d left him, listening to her mount the stairs and a minute later come back down, hoping—praying—that she’d pause on her way out, to stop and look at him one last time. If she did that, he’d go to her. Hold and comfort her. Tell her she could trust him and he’d make everything okay.
If she did that, he’d know there was still a chance for them.
But she didn’t.
Instead he saw a flash of colour as she walked quickly past the doorway to the living room, and a few seconds later he heard the front door open, then close with the resounding sound of her leaving.
Silence echoed around the room, taunting him, widening the hollow cavity that she’d punched into his chest with her words.
Picking up a vase that Emma had bought as part of the house redecoration project, he hurled it against the wall with all his strength, drawing a crude satisfaction from seeing it smash into tiny little pieces and litter the floor.
He knew then that this was why he hadn’t been back to see her in the six years since he moved to America. His heart had been so eviscerated the first time he hadn’t wanted to risk damaging it again.
But the moment he’d seen her again at Fitzherbert’s party he’d known in the deepest darkest recesses of his brain that he had to have her back. She was the only woman he’d ever loved and making himself vulnerable again for her would be worth the
