she should never have had that third whiskey, even while she was eating. Or maybe she’d had a fourth?
She vaguely remembered somehow sitting at the bar with Seth as the place started emptying out. Sort of remembered him walking her back to her quarters, nothing but a tiny room, shoddily built. She remembered laughing, remembered him steadying her a bit.
Remembered him apologizing for buying her too many drinks. “I should have been able to say no.” It was true. And she really wasn’t that drunk.
She remembered clearly, though, waking in the wee hours. Finding him lying beside her. A quick panicked check told her she was fully clothed and so was he. They were just sleeping it off.
But as soon as the panic eased, something else surged. Wild after years of self-denial, it rose violently, like an erupting volcano: desire.
God, he was good-looking. She ran her eyes over him in the dim light from the shaded lamp across the room. Not much to see in his BDUs, but she drank him in anyway. Just once she wanted to know, and for some reason she wanted to know with this man.
Stupid, she tried to tell herself, but her body continued to grow heavy with hunger, and a deep throbbing began between her thighs. She could die tomorrow or the next day. Why did she keep putting off something so important? Because of her career?
Reasons that had made sense for a decade now all of a sudden weren’t making any sense. She’d seen men and women die out here, and knew how it could come without warning, despite every sensible precaution. Life was short, and the longer she was out here the more it felt like she was riding the edge of it. How many more missions before she bought it? How many times could she cheat death?
His eyes opened and saw her looking at him. “You’re a beautiful sight to wake to.”
She doubted it. Living out here had made her relinquish the last female trappings. Her red hair was short, well shy of being bald the way a lot of the men went for, but short enough to be boyish. No perfume, no makeup, and messy and grungy from sleep.
But he saw something else. Flames seemed to dance in his eyes. “Me, too” was all he said.
Every last thought flew out of her head. She never thought about her own lack of protection. She didn’t care that he actually pulled on a condom. She was simply past thinking.
He assumed she had done this before, and she was vaguely glad. He didn’t hesitate, or question, or wonder. He just took, and that’s exactly what she wanted right now.
Getting their uniforms and boots off might have been funny if they hadn’t been so driven. Damn, she felt like a pillar of fire, filled with need so strong she couldn’t fight it.
He tore at her clothes, she tore at his. As quickly as they could, they got naked, then tumbled onto the cot again. A narrow cot, barely making room for the two of them. Who cared?
It was fast, and it was furious. He licked and sucked at her breasts as her hands wandered naively over his back and shoulders. She didn’t know exactly what to do, but her hips rose to meet his, and that seemed to be the important thing.
She’d never felt like this before. A whole new world of sensation was opening in her, and she loved it. She hadn’t imagined being with a man could be so good.
Hot and heavy sensations filled her. Stifled cries escaped her. She was searching for something and didn’t really know what it was.
Then he plunged into her. At once she gasped. A sharp pain seared her, almost ruining the moment.
“My God,” he said.
No, don’t let it stop, not now. She needed this desperately. Not knowing what else to do, she grabbed his hips and urged him on, bucking wildly in her need.
After the briefest hesitation, he bent his head again to her breast and began to move in and out of her in a steady, deepening rhythm. Carrying her higher and higher, as if she rode a rocket.
Culmination came almost too soon, as if her body had waited forever for this release. She peaked, rose up to meet him and whimpered as an almost agonizing pleasure filled her. Moments later, he drove deep into her, shuddering.
* * *
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked later.
“I didn’t want you to know.”
“I’d have been more careful.”
“I didn’t want careful. I wanted exactly that.”
He looked deep into her eyes, then nodded. “I’m leaving today. I should have told you that. Let me buy you breakfast.”
She pulled on a fresh uniform, cleaned up as best she could at the sink, aware of his gaze on her.
“Don’t be mad,” she said finally.
“I’m not mad. I just wish I could have done better by you.”
“You did just fine.” She managed a smile. “I don’t regret it, Seth, so don’t ruin it.”
At last he smiled. “Fair enough.”
They went to get breakfast at the canteen. Early though the hour was, the place was filling up. With little privacy, they could only talk desultorily. He mentioned his parents, his home back in Wyoming and how he hoped to go back there soon.
She talked a little about her life back in the States, although there wasn’t much to tell. No family left. That bothered her. She would have at least liked to have a family to go home to.
But mostly she talked about her career, and how it was the centerpiece of her life.
“I get it,” he said. “Believe me. I’m thinking about retiring, though.”
“Will they let you?”
His smile was crooked. “I’m starting to get past my use-by date. I don’t see my future behind a desk.”
“I hear you.”
Finally he pulled a pad out of one of the many pockets on his uniform, and scribbled something. “If you need me, you can reach me through my family.”
“Why would I need you?”
He just shrugged. “You never know.” He rose and offered his hand. She shook it. “I hope I see you again.”
She doubted he would. SEALs came and went all over the globe, almost like ghosts. Here then gone. She looked at the scrap of paper and tossed it on her plate as trash.
She didn’t even dream what a mistake that might be. Or that eventually she would remember that scrawl.
Chapter One
As she approached Conard City, Edith Clapton wondered if there was even a town out here. Endless miles of empty grazing land, cattle here and there and finally a couple of roadhouses were the only signs that people actually lived out here.
Her hands tightened on the wheel, and a glance at her
