he looked and smelled divine, and after thirty minutes of aerobics she didn’t.
“According to her neighbor, Kate didn’t tell me because she didn’t want me to give up my plan to become a surgeon. She knew that I’d been raised by my brothers while dad worked eighteen-hour days, and that there was no way in hell I would have repeated the absentee father scenario.”
“But to keep your son a secret…” She reached out to offer comfort, but drew her hand back before making contact. Touching him last night had wreaked havoc on her senses.
“Don’t feel sorry for me. Save your pity for him. He’s stuck with a lame-ass father unless I—” He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Unless you what?”
His jaw muscles clenched and he turned his head away. “Nothing.”
“Cort?” Slowly she rose to stand beside him. His gaze met hers, and she caught her breath at his tortured expression. “You’re not thinking about giving him up, are you?”
He shoved a hand through his hair and then massaged the back of his neck. “I can’t help wondering if he’d be better off with two parents or even one who won’t be working the insane schedule of a surgical resident. He’s miserable with me. I don’t even know when it’s time to change his diaper.”
This time she didn’t resist her impulse. She grabbed his biceps, tipped her head back and faced him eye to eye. “I’ve never known you to fail at anything you really wanted to do. You’ll learn how to be a daddy.”
“So I’m told.” He didn’t sound as though he believed it. “If you agree to be his nanny for the summer, maybe you can teach me.”
His nanny. Seeing Cort every day. Having him live upstairs with his bed directly above hers. Oh, Lord. She laid a hand over the knot in her stomach. Could she do that without falling in love with him all over again? Could she survive him leaving her a second time and knowing this time he wouldn’t be coming back?
She wet her lips and rubbed her temple. For sanity’s sake she ought to refuse, but the doubts in his eyes made her want to pull him close. A remnant of common sense intervened. “What about your family? Can’t they help out?”
“My brothers think it’s hilarious to watch me fumble around, because they claim they did the same thing. You’d never know it now. They’re pros. My sisters-in-law are better, but all three of them are pregnant and battling morning sickness in addition to juggling their own kids and careers.”
“All three are pregnant?”
He shrugged. “It’s a planned thing. They’re trying to have the babies close together.”
Josh smiled and blew spit bubbles, thoroughly enjoying his freedom on the floor. Cort knelt and gently, tentatively, smoothed his big hand over the baby’s soft, dark hair. “It’s just me and the little guy. Poor kid. If anybody can teach me, Trace, it’s you.”
Her heart melted.
Josh stiffened and whimpered.
Cort muttered under his breath and straightened. He reached in his coat pocket and extracted a slip of paper. “I had an interview at the clinic this morning. This is what Doc Finney is offering to pay me. I’ve made a list of my other expenses, but I don’t know what you charge to nanny or for rent. Can we afford you?”
Tension squeezed her rib cage and her heart pounded in the confined space. Sharing her home with Cort would be opening herself to heartache all over again.
But how could she refuse? She gazed at his son. The child had just lost his mother. Could she contribute to him losing his father, as well? Her conscience would haunt her forever.
With his clean diaper firmly in place, Josh rolled over onto his belly and crawled across the floor. Tracy let him go. Her nieces and nephews visited often enough that she kept the house childproofed, and baby drool wouldn’t show on her floral-patterned sofa.
Her hand trembled when she took the paper from Cort. Even after a decade his handwriting still looked familiar, and a lump formed in her throat. She studied the numbers and came to the conclusion that she’d have to manage on less money this summer, because she couldn’t turn Cort and Josh away. Somebody had to teach Cort how to be a father before he made a mistake that she was sure he’d live to regret.
“Yes, you can afford me.”
“Good. When can we move in?”
“Put away your money. I can pay my own deposit and first month’s rent,” Cort growled at his brother Sunday afternoon in Tracy’s upstairs apartment. His ears burned with humiliation.
“You have a kid to take care of, and now you’re paying rent on two apartments. Let me help.” Patrick had lowered his voice, but Cort was certain that Tracy, standing only a couple of yards away with Josh on her hip, could hear.
He peeled his gaze off the length of leg exposed by her shorts and glared at Patrick. “Dammit, I’m not one of your charities. I have three roommates sharing my other apartment, so you don’t have to worry about my check bouncing and me moving back home.”
“You didn’t have to leave in the first place.”
“Like hell, I—”
“Gentlemen,” Tracy scolded in her teacher voice, and Cort jerked to attention. “Josh is getting sleepy. Could we save the bickering until after the crib is assembled?”
His pride took a kick in the kneecaps.
Patrick shrugged. “Sorry, Tracy, you know how it is to be the older sibling.”
“Yes, I do, but perhaps you should remember that Cort is now twenty-eight, not eight. If he needs something from you I’m sure he’s mature enough to ask for it.” The understanding in her gaze washed over him before she glanced toward the numerous boxes stacked in the den and kitchenette.
She stepped closer and touched his shoulder. His skin ignited, and her cinnamon scent filled his senses when he inhaled. “Cort, could you find clean pajamas for Josh? I’ll give him his bath while you two finish up.”
“Sure.” He searched a box until he found a pale-green one-piece thing. Tracy took it, and their fingers brushed. Damn, he needed sleep more than he thought if one touch could stimulate his heart into arrhythmia.
“Thanks,” she said as she passed. He thought she sounded a little winded. Probably from bouncing Josh on her hip. For such a little guy, the kid was heavy.
His gaze slid from her white T-shirt over her departing rear and then down her legs. He didn’t remember Tracy’s legs—or any part of her for that matter—looking that good. He glanced up and caught his brother smirking at him.
Patrick turned for the door leading to the outside stairs and called over his shoulder, “I need to get the toolbox from the truck.”
Cooing and splashing pulled Cort away from unpacking and led him to the bathroom. Tracy had Josh in the tub. The little tyke obviously liked Tracy bathing him. He didn’t enjoy it half as much when Cort washed him. Smart kid. Tracy wasn’t likely to let his slippery
