he had. He was tall, a shade over six feet, perhaps, with thick, springy hair and shoulders wide enough to lean on. His mouth was full and chiselled, his jaw strong, and there was enough character in his face for ten men.
‘It’s good to see you, too,’ she said, placing her hand in his. His fingers curled around the back of hers, warm and firm and confident, yet gentle at the same time, and she felt an inexplicable sense of homecoming.
‘Come on through to my consulting room—we can have a chat in peace. Have they offered you coffee?’
‘I was about to make it,’ Angie said, and he smiled at her.
‘You couldn’t make two and bring them through for us, could you? I’ve only got a few minutes, I’ve got a call to go out on—it’s not that urgent, I don’t think, but I want to be sure.’
‘OK, two it is.’
Fran followed him through the corridor and he ushered her through a door into his consulting room. It was bright and modern and well equipped, and there were pictures on the wall behind his desk which she hadn’t noticed on Friday.
His family, of course. A boy and a girl, and a woman, probably his wife, small and dainty and much more chic than Fran could ever be.
So what? she thought unconvincingly. You aren’t trying to compete with her.
He opened his mouth to speak and the phone rang. He gave a barely audible sigh and excused himself, then lifted the receiver.
It was obvious from the conversation that his patient was deteriorating, and he glanced at his watch and sighed again, ramming a hand through his hair. A tousled strand fell over his forehead and he pushed it back impatiently.
‘OK. Tell Mrs Donaldson I’ll come now and see him, and ask Stuart to take my other calls, please,’ he said, and turned to Fran with an apology in his eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ he began, but she shrugged.
‘That’s the way it is. Why don’t I come with you, and we can talk while you drive?’
Relief washed over his face. ‘Would you?’ he said, and she wondered if he was afraid to let her go without her signing on the dotted line, if what Angie had said about the other candidates was true.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘You can’t keep your patient waiting.’
His brow pleated thoughtfully. ‘It sounds as if it could be a GI bleed, but she’s a bit of a worrier, so it may not be. He hasn’t been suffering with gastric problems that I’m aware of, but that doesn’t mean anything. Still, I won’t know till I see him, so if you’re OK to come with me, we’ll go now. It’s a short way out of town, so we’ll have a few minutes to talk at least.’
He stood up and opened the door, just as Angie appeared with two cups of coffee.
‘Sorry, I have to go out and I’m taking Fran with me,’ he said with a rueful smile at her.
‘No worries, I’m sure I can find a home for it,’ Angie replied, and the look on her face suggested that it wasn’t the first time.
Just like A and E, Fran thought. Every time you thought you had a minute, something would happen. They picked up their coats from Reception and she followed him out to the car park. He had a people carrier, not the huge sort but easier than an ordinary car to get his disabled daughter in and out of, she imagined.
He threw his coat onto a back seat, slid behind the wheel and started the engine, fastening his seat belt as he pulled out of the car park. ‘I’m sorry about the coffee,’ he said as they drove off, but she just shrugged.
‘It doesn’t matter, I’m used to it. It happens all the time in A and E.’
‘That’s what you did before, isn’t it? Work in A and E?’
‘Yes.’ She didn’t elaborate, but as she’d expected he didn’t let it go.
‘Tell me about it,’ he said, and, although it was a question and not an order, she felt she had no choice.
‘I was a specialist trauma nurse. I did it for a couple of years.’
‘And then?’ he pressed, and she swallowed hard and straightened up.
‘Then I gave up. I finished ten days ago.’
Even thinking about it made her feel sick, it was all still so raw and fresh, like an open wound. She hugged her arms round herself and hoped he’d give up, but he didn’t. He couldn’t, of course, because he had to find out about her. That was what her interview was all about, and she’d known it was coming, so she just braced herself and waited.
‘So recently? Forgive me for saying this, but it seems strange that you should leave when you had no other job lined up. Was it a sudden decision?’
‘Pretty much.’
He paused, then said cautiously, ‘May I ask why?’
No, she wanted to scream, but she couldn’t. Instead she shrugged. He had to know, in case it happened again. ‘It just happened one day. I just froze up,’ she said bluntly. ‘I suppose if you want a technical term for it, you could call it burnout. Whatever, I couldn’t do it any more, and after a few days, I had to stop.’
He nodded his understanding. ‘I’m sorry, that’s tough. It does happen, though. In all branches of medicine, I suppose, but especially on the front line. Sometimes it just gets too much, doesn’t it?’ he said, and suddenly she found herself telling him all about it, about the blood and the waste of life and the endless failures, day after day, even though it was never their fault.
‘We had a run of fatalities,’ she told him. ‘One after another, all young, all foolish, all so unnecessary. I just realised between one patient and the next that I couldn’t go and talk to another set of bereaved parents and try and make sense of it for them where none could be made. I just couldn’t do it any more.’
‘So what happened?’
‘My boss sent me home, but the next day wasn’t any better, or the one after that, so he told me to go away and think about it, and he’d have me back when I was sorted, if ever. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to go back, though. It’s only ten days ago, but it feels like a lifetime, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it again. And now I just feel so lost. I thought I knew what I was doing with my life, and now suddenly I don’t, and I don’t know what’s going to happen.’
She shrugged again, just a tiny shift of her shoulders, but he must have caught the movement out of the corner of his eye because he shot her an understanding smile.
‘It’s hard when everything seems to be going smoothly and then fate throws a spanner in the works. I know all about that and the effect it can have on you.’
She closed her eyes and groaned inwardly. Oh, what an idiot! ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean it to come out like that. It’s nothing like as bad as what’s happened to you and your children, and I didn’t mean to imply—’
‘You didn’t. It was me that drew the parallel, and it does exist. In my case it was a bit more dramatic, but yours is no less valid.
