travelled down together in the elevator or walked out of the hospital.
‘I’m sorry for shouting at you,’ she said with difficulty when they reached his car. ‘It was wrong of me, and I apologise.’
‘Nell, you don’t need to apologise to me,’ he said. ‘I obviously said something that upset you.’
‘You didn’t. Honestly, you didn’t.’ Tell him. Tell him what’s happened. But she couldn’t. ‘Can we go now?’ she said instead, and after a moment’s hesitation he nodded.
To her relief they drove in silence to her flat, but from the sidelong glances he kept giving her she knew it was only a temporary respite and, sure enough, when he drew his car to a halt, and she reached for the passenger door, he put out his hand to stay her.
‘Can I come in?’ he said. ‘Just for a minute?’
Part of her wanted to say no, that she was tired, that she didn’t want to answer the questions she knew he was going to ask, but the other part also knew she didn’t want be alone in her flat, surrounded by memories of Brian. She didn’t want to spend the rest of the night wondering how she’d screwed up, why he’d found somebody else when he’d said-he’d sworn-he loved her, and so she nodded.
‘Can I get you something to drink?’ she said after she’d unlocked her front door and ushered Jonah into her sitting room. ‘I’ve tea, coffee, or there’s a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge.’
‘A coffee would be good.’
He could have whatever he wanted just as long as he didn’t go, she thought as she went into her kitchen, switched on the percolator, then opened the fridge.
‘Are you sure about the coffee?’ she said, carrying one of the bottles of wine into the sitting room. ‘It won’t take a minute but I thought I’d try some of this. It’s supposed to be very good.’
Leastways, Brian had said it was when he bought it, and as he was never going to drink it now…
‘I’ll stick with coffee as I’m driving,’ he said, but as he watched her open the wine and pour herself a liberal glassful, a frown pleated his forehead. ‘Nell, I’ve known you for two years and this isn’t like you. Something’s clearly upset you and I want to know what it is.’
He wanted to know what it was. Fine, she would give him part of it.
‘My hair…’ She reached up and touched her short, straight bob self-consciously. ‘Jonah, the blonde highlights are fake.’
‘And very nice they look, too,’ he said with a smile as he sat down on the sofa.
‘Jonah, did you hear what I said?’ she said in exasperation. ‘My natural hair colour is brown. Plain, ordinary, mousy brown. The blonde highlights are fake.’
The frown on his forehead reappeared. ‘And what’s that got to do with anything? My sisters change their hair colour so frequently I have to ask them for an update before they visit otherwise I’d never recognise them.’
‘There’s more,’ she said, downing her wine in one gulp. ‘I was thirty-two last month, Jonah. Thirty-two.’
He looked even more puzzled. ‘And I’ll be thirty-six next February. So what?’
‘It doesn’t matter for you,’ she said, sitting down in the armchair opposite him and topping up her glass. ‘You’re a man. No matter how old and wrinkly you get, everyone will simply say you’re mature. I’m a woman and people are soon going to be calling me an old bat.’
He smothered a laugh. ‘Nell, I hardly think being thirty-two makes you an old ba—’
‘Jonah, I’m a thirty-two-year-old, fat, five-foot-nine inch female with dyed hair and boring grey eyes.’
‘No, you’re not,’ he protested. ‘Your hair is lovely, your eyes are beautiful, and you’re not fat. You’re statuesque, curvy.’
‘I’m fat, Jonah,’ she interrupted, ‘and do you want to know something? I hate the way I look. I want to be a size six instead of a size sixteen. I keep going on diets, but…’ she waved her hand expansively, sending part of the wine in her glass sloshing onto the carpet ‘…they don’t work, and you know why they don’t work? Because I cheat. I end up so damned hungry I cheat.’
‘Nell, there is nothing wrong with the way you look,’ Jonah declared. ‘You’re fine just as you are.’
Tears welled in her eyes and she sniffed them back. ‘You’re a good friend, Jonah, a good mate. Are you sure you don’t want some of this wine? It really is very good.’
‘You obviously think it is,’ he said dryly as he watched her empty her glass, ‘but I’m driving, remember? Look, why don’t you phone Brian? I know he’s going to be back in six months, but you’re obviously missing him.’
‘He’s not coming back.’ There, she’d finally said it, and now she had his full attention.
‘You mean he’s staying in the States?’ he said slowly. ‘You’re going out there to join him?’
‘No, I’m not going out there to join him. He…he’s found somebody else. This…’ She stared down at her engagement ring for a second, then pulled it off and put it down on the coffee-table. ‘I shouldn’t be wearing this because he doesn’t want to marry me any more. He wants to marry somebody called Candy, and I…I…’
She couldn’t say any more, and Jonah looked hard at her as she reached for the bottle of wine again.
‘I think you’ve had enough of that.’
‘It beats slashing my wrists,’ she said, striving to sound flippant, but Jonah didn’t seem to find it amusing.
He got to his feet, pulled the wine bottle out of her hand and set it down on the coffee-table beside her engagement ring with a clatter.
‘Don’t ever let me hear you say that again,’ he said, his eyes icy. ‘Not even as a joke. OK, so Brian has found somebody else, but these things happen. Relationships fail—’
‘And I just have to pick myself up and start all over again,’ she finished for him tartly. ‘Well, that’s just dandy, Jonah. That’s just swell, and I’m sure in a few months’ time I’ll be able to think like that, but right now I can’t, OK?’
‘So you’re going to drink yourself into a stupor for the next few months,’ he said as she reached for the bottle again.
‘Sounds good to me,’ she said, and under Jonah’s disapproving gaze she defiantly poured herself another glass and gulped it down.
Actually, she could see now why people got drunk. Your vision became a little blurry, and your head might not feel as though it was completely connected to your body, but it warmed you, relaxed you. In fact, she was so relaxed that Jonah’s disapproval suddenly seemed funny and she started to giggle.
‘Nell, you’ve definitely had enough to drink!’ he exclaimed, and she stuck her tongue out at him.
‘Oh, for God’s
