* *
Callum could tell things weren’t going well. Beth had tears in her eyes now and he didn’t imagine they were tears of joy either. He searched his mind for the right words, words that would convince her he deserved another chance, but in his heart he knew there was nothing he could say to make up for what he had done. He hadn’t been here when she had needed him. He hadn’t been here for her or their daughter and there was no point explaining how bad he felt about it when she wasn’t interested in anything he had to say. Beth didn’t want him in her life any more and the pain that thought caused him made him suck in his breath.
He stood up abruptly, his legs trembling so hard that he wasn’t sure if they would hold him, but he refused to let her think that he was playing for sympathy.
‘I didn’t come here to upset you, Beth. It’s the last thing I want to do. I’ve told you the truth but I can see that I was wrong to expect you to believe me.’ He spread his hands apart in frustration. ‘If there was anything I could do to convince you then I’d do it, but I doubt if you’d be interested even then. I’m no longer part of your life and I accept that, but I hope you will allow me to be part of our daughter’s life in some way.’ His voice caught then, the words all jammed up inside him as emotion took over, and he stared at the ceiling, not wanting her to guess how agonising it was to know that he might be excluded from his child’s future.
‘I’ll think about it, although I’m not making any promises.’
Beth sounded as choked up as he did and Callum lowered his eyes. His heart scrunched up inside him when he saw the tears that were now trickling down her beautiful face.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he began, but she held up her hand.
‘Don’t! I don’t want to hear anything else.’ She stood up, making it clear that she wanted him to leave.
Callum didn’t say another word as he let himself out. He made his way back to the pub, went up to his room, and lay down on the bed, feeling more wretched than he had felt in his entire life.
Even when he had asked Beth for a divorce, he hadn’t felt this depth of despair. It had been hard then, heart-wrenchingly hard, but he had been so sure it was the right thing to do. With him out of the way, she would be forced to stop trying to conceive and allow her mind as well as her body to rest. That thought had kept him focused, given him strength. He had loved her so much, but he’d had to leave for her sake. Now she didn’t want anything to do with him and even though he understood why she felt that way, the thought ripped a hole right through his heart.
BETH SPENT THE next few days thinking about what Callum had asked her. The question constantly whizzed around her brain: should she allow him to have access to Beatrix? Her gut reaction was to refuse but she knew that she needed to take her time and think about it. It wasn’t fair to Beatrix to make a snap decision when it could have such a huge impact on her life.
When Daniel Saunders, the senior partner at the practice, phoned to ask her if she would consider returning to work earlier than planned, it was a relief because it gave her something else to think about. Apparently, Sandra Nelson, one of the other GPs, had been rushed into hospital with appendicitis. With Daniel’s wife, Eleanor, on maternity leave, it meant the practice was currently under a huge amount of pressure.
Beth agreed immediately, even though she hated the thought of leaving Beatrix. She went into the surgery on the Monday morning, realising in surprise that she felt a little bit nervous. Even though she had worked there for a number of years, it felt strange to be back, almost as though she was the new girl. However, she soon got over that feeling when Marie, the receptionist, greeted her in delight.
‘Beth!’ Marie shot round the desk and enveloped Beth in a hug. ‘It’s great to have you back. We’ve missed you!’
‘Thank you. I’ve missed you too,’ Beth replied, and realised that she meant it. Although she loved Beatrix to bits, she enjoyed her job and had missed the daily contact with her colleagues and patients. She glanced around the waiting room, smiling when she spotted a couple of early arrivals. ‘Not much has changed, I see. The early birds are still here.’
‘Too right!’ Marie agreed, laughing. ‘It’s business as usual, although Eleanor’s on maternity leave and Bernard has finally retired, though I expect you know that already.’
‘I do, but it’s nice to be reminded.’ Beth rolled her eyes. ‘I’m suffering from a bad case of baby brain and keep forgetting things.’
‘Don’t worry, it will get better, although it could take some time before you’re functioning properly,’ Marie replied wryly. ‘I remember how long it took me to feel halfway normal after I’d had my two.’
‘Don’t!’ Beth laughed. ‘You’re scaring me to death.’ She looked round and smiled when she saw Daniel coming along the corridor. ‘Marie was just explaining the pitfalls of motherhood to me.’
‘A bit late for that, I’d have thought,’ he answered, laughing. He kissed Beth on the cheek. ‘Thank you so much for doing this. When Sandra’s husband phoned and told me what had happened, I didn’t know what we were going to do. I can’t tell you how relieved I was when you said you’d come back to work earlier than planned.’
‘It isn’t a problem,’ Beth assured him as they headed to his room. ‘I dropped Beatrix off at the childminder’s house and I have to say that she didn’t appear to be the least bit worried about me leaving her. She was more interested in playing with the other children to miss her mum.’
‘Good. It’s never easy when you leave them for the first time, whether it’s with a childminder or on their first day at school. Why, I even got all choked up when we saw Nathan off to Australia,’ he admitted, referring to his nineteen-year-old son who was currently away on his gap year. ‘How daft is that?’
‘It isn’t daft at all,’ Beth assured him, smiling. ‘Although you’ll have to toughen up now that you have Mia. It won’t be long before she has a whole load of “firsts” to get through.’
‘Don’t!’ Daniel shuddered at the thought of going through it all again with his baby daughter. ‘Anyway, enough of that. I just wanted to check that you’re up to speed. You’ll be covering Hemsthwaite Surgery while Sandra’s off. I don’t think you’ve worked there before, have you?’
‘No. I’d gone on maternity leave when you introduced the new system so that the staff here could take turns working there.’
‘I thought so. It’s been very useful, I have to say. Although some patients use both surgeries, the majority tend to stick to one or the other. The new system gives everyone a chance to get to know all our patients and that can only be a good thing. Obviously, you’ll have access to everyone’s notes via the computer so if one of our patients does turn up there, it won’t be a problem,’ he added.
‘It sounds great. I’m looking forward to getting back to work,’ Beth explained, truthfully.
‘Good. I’m delighted to have you back too. We’ve been really pushed recently, although I’m hoping that things are going to improve. If you’re agreeable, of course.’
‘You want me to do some hours here as well?’ Beth queried, wondering
