fascinates me,” she continued, her hand snug in his. “I’ve watched you perform surgery with it, you know.”
He shot a look at her, the moonlight casting just enough light across her face to illuminate her beautiful features. “No, I didn’t know.”
“I couldn’t tell much about you, since you were wearing a surgical mask, glasses and cap and the film clip pretty much only showed the surgery. I guess technically I watched a video of your hands doing miraculous things, because I don’t recall anything of your face and I wouldn’t have forgotten your eyes had I ever seen them.” She smiled sheepishly, then went on. “From how long I’ve been seeing your name quoted in the cardiology world, I had thought you much older.”
He got that a lot. He’d been fortunate to become involved with the Libertine from early in its inception as a surgical tool. Near the end of med school, his passion had shifted his interest to surgical advances being made in treating congenital defects in utero. Robert had followed suit.
Working for a robotics company, Carolyn had been one of the key design engineers on the Libertine. It was how they’d all met. He and Robert had been practically inseparable since grade school. Carolyn had changed that somewhat, but Matthew had felt more as if they’d added a third player to their team, rather than their friendship losing anything, when his best friend married the brilliant engineer.
He missed them so much. Three months and it didn’t seem real that he’d never see them again, never discuss the Libertine, or difficult cases. Never catch another football game while Carolyn laughed at their long-term rivalry of the Cowboys against the Steelers. Never again—
“You okay?” Natalie’s voice broke into Matthew’s memories.
Fighting back the hollow ache in his gut, he clenched his teeth. How had he let such depressing thoughts in tonight when he felt alive, truly alive, for the first time since before he’d gotten the call that Robert and Carolyn’s plane had gone down?
“Just got lost in thought.” He flashed a smile that wasn’t as real as he’d like, but there wasn’t enough light that she’d likely be able to tell. “How old do you think I am?”
She glanced his way a few moments, making him wonder if perhaps she saw better in the low light than he’d given her credit for, but she seemed to make the decision not to push. Maybe because she didn’t want to know what he’d really been thinking about.
“Uh-uh.” Her smile was wide, bright, not so over-the-top as to come across as completely fake. “I’m not guessing your age. If I go too high you might be offended. If I go too low, you’ll accuse me of robbing the cradle.”
Her voice was light, but her grip on his hand had tightened, offering a comfort he soaked up and was amazed at how much better her smile and touch left him feeling.
He chuckled. “No chance you robbed the cradle, Natalie. That would be me. I’m probably a good ten years older than you.”
“I seriously doubt it.” She told him her age.
“Eight years older,” he corrected. “I’m the one who robbed the cradle, it seems.”
“Eight years isn’t that much,” she assured. “You’re barely into your forties.”
A memory of his fortieth birthday, spent with Robert and Carolyn, popped into his head. They’d rented out their favorite restaurant’s back room, invited a ton of mutual friends and acquaintances and surprised him with a birthday bash.
“Hey—you okay?” she asked again.
Why had his friends popped back into his head so quickly when he’d just scolded himself for letting them in on a night meant to drown them out?
His gaze cut to Natalie. Why did he find himself wanting to tell her about them?
“You quit walking,” she pointed out. “And you’re squeezing my hand as if you’re afraid if you let go the wind might carry me out to sea.”
Matthew forced his fingers to pry loose from hers, raked them through his hair. “Sorry.”
“That sensitive about your age, huh? I’ll keep that in mind and be sure not to make any more age references.”
Pushing thoughts of his friends from his mind yet again, Matthew shook his head and gave in to Natalie’s teasing. “I’ve no problem with being called an old man.”
“Old man?” Natalie laughed, took his hand back into hers and gave him a little squeeze. “You aren’t an old man. Admittedly, it’s a bit kinky, but I’d be happy to oblige if that’s what you want me to call you.”
His smile was real. “As long as you’re calling me, I won’t complain.”
Her gaze searched his. “For the rest of the weekend, right?”
“Right,” Matthew agreed, but suddenly found it difficult to keep his smile in place. “For the next three days, I’m all yours.”
Then he’d fly back to Memphis, stay at his mother’s for a night, then he and Carrie would drive back to Boston because the little girl was terrified of the thought of getting on a plane, and he hadn’t forced the issue.
Back to trying to figure out life without Robert and Carolyn.
Back to him struggling to raise their precious daughter in a way that wouldn’t disappoint them, which seemed impossible for a sworn bachelor who still couldn’t even put Carrie’s hair up without missing handfuls of it from the bun.
Too bad the position in Memphis hadn’t worked out so his family would be close to shower Carrie in their love and guide him in the right direction as he got this parenting thing all wrong time and again.
What did he know about raising a kid?
Nothing. His friends had been foolish leaving Carrie’s upbringing to him. Robert had known Matthew had no plans to marry or have children. Truly, they couldn’t have chosen a worse guardian for Carrie.
“Your hand is getting tight again,” Natalie warned.
He loosened his hold. “Sorry.”
“Want to talk about whatever keeps bothering you?”
He couldn’t blame Natalie for asking. She’d let it go more than once, but he kept going back to places he didn’t need to let his brain go.
“It’s not important.” Which was a lie. Everything about Robert and Carolyn was important. How he was going to handle fatherhood was important. Part of him wanted to tell Natalie, to spill everything out to her, to tell her what a screw-up step-in parent he’d been so far and that he wished he could give Carrie to a couple who knew what they were doing so the kid wouldn’t turn out messed up. But losing his best friends, and his failed parenthood, weren’t decent conversation for a three-day affair.
For the next three days, he was just Matthew. The dedicated heart surgeon and researcher, the fun-loving man, the devoted short-term lover.
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