in letting her go, but for still wanting her in the first place. He’d had reasons of his own to want out of the marriage. But where he came from, when you made someone a promise before God and your family, you kept it. He might not have a great relationship with God these days, but he still didn’t think it was a good idea to break the promises you made Him. So here he was, knocking on the front door of a woman who’d given up on him, needing her help and not sure how to ask for it.
The door opened and a familiar but much more mature face peered out. “Uncle Lance? What are you doing here? Aunt Erin said you guys got divorced.”
That was one of the worst things about divorce. It wasn’t just about losing the partner who promised to stand by you, no matter what, but also losing extended family you’d grown to love. Like his nephew Dylan. He and Dylan had spent a lot of time together in the past, and the little guy, though not so little anymore at nine years old, used to follow him around.
Lance shook his head. He couldn’t think about those happy times. Not when they were lost to him and he would never get them back.
“We did, bud. But I need to talk to Erin about some things. If she’s home.”
The details were fuzzy when it came to what was going on with Erin and her sisters, Nicole and Leah. Based on the few conversations he’d had with her, they’d inherited some ranch from a relative he’d never heard of and moved to this tiny town of Columbine Springs, in the middle of nowhere Colorado, to make a go of ranching. It had been none of his business, but it seemed kind of foolish for them to pursue something like that when none of them knew the first thing about ranches. But here they were, a year and a half later, and they’d stuck it out.
How they were making it, he wasn’t sure. Erin had called him a few times since their divorce, asking if they could revisit the idea of selling the house they still jointly owned because she needed the money. The most recent call came a couple of weeks ago, but he’d refused, as always.
Why would she think he’d ever be willing to sell?
The house was technically marital property, which the court said had to be split evenly between them, even though he’d paid for most of it. Erin had said he could take his time with either selling the house or buying her out.
One day he’d have the money to buy her out and then his last tie to Erin would be severed.
Dylan held the door open wider. “She’s in the kitchen.”
Leaving the door open, Dylan ran in the direction of the other room. Though the outside of the house wasn’t yet decorated, stepping inside was like entering a Christmas nightmare. Erin and her sisters had always loved the holiday and, when they’d been married, her need to decorate to the hilt had been one of their common disagreements. He hated the commercialism and constant need for more, and she bought every sparkly Christmas item she set her eyes on. She used to want to start decorating as early as possible, but he’d always made her wait until after Thanksgiving.
How early had she started this year? He shook his head. None of his business.
Erin appeared in the doorway, wiping her hands on a towel. Her dark hair was up in a ponytail with random hairs that spilled out all over in the crazy way they did when she was working hard on a project. He shouldn’t care about her appearance or how life had been treating her over the past two years. And yet he couldn’t help thinking about how good she looked. Happy. Healthy.
Part of him was happy for her. But another part of him wanted to scream at her and ask how she could be doing so well after everything that had happened.
“Lance. What brings you here? Have you finally decided to sell the house?”
“No. But I do need to talk to you about something else. Can we go somewhere private to talk?”
Erin looked around for a moment then shook her head. “I’m afraid not. Leah and Nicole are both on their honeymoons, so I’m taking care of the boys until they get back.”
Lance stared at her for a moment. Leah and Nicole on honeymoons?
“Didn’t Leah’s husband and Nicole’s fiancé just die?”
Erin shrugged. “It’s been more than two years since Leah’s husband died, and it’s coming up on two years since Nicole’s fiancé died. I’d like to think that they’ve earned their chance to be happy. They’re both very good men, and the double wedding ceremony was one of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. Maybe some people think two years is too soon, but when the heart finds what it’s looking for, why make it wait longer?”
The longing in her voice was like a knife to his stomach. “Does that mean you’ve moved on, too?”
Erin let out a long sigh. “Please don’t tell me you came all this way to ask about my dating life. It’s none of your business. But if you must know, I haven’t given up on the idea of falling in love again and having a family.”
Having a family? How could she think about that now?
“What about...?” He left a long pause. He hadn’t spoken their daughter’s name in months and barely at all over the past couple of years. Not since she’d died. Even now just thinking about her put his stomach in knots.
“It doesn’t make me love Lily any less,” she said, emphasizing Lily’s name, like she knew how much it still hurt him to hear it. That was why they could never go back, why he hadn’t fought Erin on the divorce. They hadn’t seen eye to eye on how to move forward after the tragedy and this, the first conversation they’d had about it in two years, only made it more obvious.
Erin gave him a gentle smile. “Her death was the hardest thing that ever happened to me, but her life was the best. You can’t have life without death, and it’s worth the pain of death to enjoy the beauty of life.”
That was why he’d never been able to talk to her about any of it. Losing their daughter had hurt so much that all he’d wanted to do was to yell and scream or punch something. But she would just go on with her ridiculous notions about thinking positive and those weird Bible verses about hope. Hope wouldn’t bring their daughter back. He supposed that was the only way Erin could deal with the pain, considering it was her fault their daughter had died.
Erin stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm. “Is that why you’re here? To fight with me over the past, because somehow fighting keeps it, and Lily, alive?”
Her touch burned his arm, but much as he wanted to shove her away and tell her she didn’t understand, it also felt so good that he wanted to stay like this forever. That was the trouble with sorting out his feelings over their daughter’s death and their failed marriage. He hated Erin on so many levels, but somehow he couldn’t stop loving her.
When he didn’t answer, she continued. “I know you’re struggling with moving on. I’m sorry. I know you didn’t like the therapist we went to, but maybe you should consider talking to someone else. It’s not healthy for you to still be so stuck in the past.”
He stepped away. If one more person said that to him, he would... Well, he didn’t know what he would do, but it was like an explosion building up inside him, only there wasn’t any place for it to go.
“I am seeing a therapist,” he said. “That’s why I’m here. I’m supposed to talk to you and make peace with what happened between us.”
That
