professional footing.
For a moment she was silent and then she drew a big breath and turned to search his eyes. ‘I grew up in Wollongong, so not too far from Sydney, really. My parents died when I was small. I don’t remember them. An older aunt raised me and she passed away during my last year of high school. I worked in a few casual jobs after high school until I decided to become a certified daycare mum.’
She hesitated before she went on. ‘While I was expecting Ella, I came here to Randurra.’
A fierce expression came over her face. ‘I’m going to make sure my daughter has security and love for as long as she needs it in life. That she’s always got me and doesn’t feel abandoned.’
As Jess had felt alone because of her loss of family?
Dan had been telling himself they had nothing in common but there was this…
Had she chosen to be a daycare mum as a means of trying to fill that lack of family in her life? ‘Your vocation—’
‘Is something that I truly enjoy. I adore children, and I know there are plenty of parents who want to work while their children are small, or need to. That’s a personal choice. It’s just, for myself, I’d prefer to keep Ella close by.’
Jess turned the conversation to Dan. ‘What about you? You came here from Sydney, but what about your life before that? Do you have other family?’
‘There’s my sister and brother-in-law. Dad passed away ten years ago and Mum retired to Queensland. I see her about once a year.’
Jess nodded. ‘And the children’s mother…’
‘Her name was Rebecca.’ Dan drew a breath. It wasn’t as though it was difficult to talk about her. He’d done so with the kids so many times.
Yet his chest still hurt, unexpectedly so when he looked into Jess’s soft, understanding eyes. ‘I loved her from when we were teenagers. We were together for eighteen years. She…got cancer while she was pregnant with Annapolly and the specialist team believed there’d be time to treat it but I lost her a month after the birth. That was four years ago.’
The moment Dan said it, he wondered if he should regret it. He didn’t bare his soul to others, and the loss of Rebecca was something that was in his past now. He’d grieved and got on with his life, so why did it hurt so much to admit what Dan had known from the start? That Rebecca had been his chance at love and he. hadn’t had enough time with her?
Jess didn’t recoil. Instead, understanding and something that wasn’t envy but perhaps longing flashed across her face before she quickly dropped her gaze. When she looked up again, her expression was guarded. ‘I’m sorry for your loss, Dan. Thank you for telling me how she died. I don’t think I mentioned that I took the children back to the hospital. We just dropped off a small gift to the children’s ward. I think that was a good balancing experience for all of them.’
‘Daisy told me about it.’ Dan acknowledged her words with a dip of his chin, and wondered how his exploration into understanding Jess Baker had turned into an exposé of his own thoughts. ‘What I really want to know is if you’re okay, Jess? Sometimes I see worry in your eyes.’
She blinked, and blinked again and something in her face seemed to tighten before she threw back her shoulders and stuck out her chin. ‘I’m okay, Dan. Of course I am.’
But Jess wasn’t, not entirely. So what wasn’t she telling him?
Dan pondered that question again the next day as he dug out the box of family photos and started to put some on the walls. The urn with Rebecca’s ashes was still in its box.
The pictures felt somehow different. It must be the new house. And if Jess said she was fine, then he had to believe her. Didn’t he?
Dan buried himself in his work. Over the following days he was able to scale down the amount of time he was spending in Sydney, but the hours were still long. When he felt tired he ate packets of crisps. He barely even thought about Jess being around all the time, or listened for her voice while he was working, or enjoyed checking in with her when he stepped out of his den to see how the children were getting along.
Right, Dan. That’s exactly how it is.
Well, at least he seemed to have convinced Luke that he was only interested in how Jess cared for his family, and Jess seemed to be making progress whittling down the boy’s defences.
Days went past with Jess feeling way too conscious of Dan. Why did it have to be like this when he had told her how much he’d loved his wife? Surely she had nothing left inside her when it came to trusting a man, and it was clear she could never compete with Dan’s Rebecca, even if she wanted to.
‘I think I’m confused.’ Jess muttered the words at a pile of clothing as she shoved it into the machine in the laundry room.
Maybe she needed to believe that not every man was selfish and uncaring like Peter, Ella’s father. Maybe that was all.
Oh, yes? And that fact alone made her pulse race every time she thought of Dan, or looked at him?
‘Jess, I wanted to ask if you’d like—’
‘Oh. Dan. I didn’t realise you were there.’
He had his glasses on his nose, so he must have been working on the computer in his den. And he was so close. Jess could reach out and trace the grooves beside his mouth with her fingertips, or caress his ruffled dark hair.
And Dan could be totally resistant to all of the above, because she was his employee and not in his age bracket and he had been resistant to being aware of her, right from the start.
‘Oh. Um…’ Think, Jessica. About something other than how delectable he looks. ‘What—what did you want to ask me, Dan?’ Even saying his name sent a thrill through her.
They were in a house full of children. Anything else aside, no thrills were allowed!
Dan’s gaze shifted over her face, the bright pink bandanna tied through her hair, down over the loose cream cheesecloth blouse and darker pink skirt and back up to linger on her lips before it finally came back to meet her eyes.
‘We, ah, I’ve got a two-day gap where there won’t be much happening with the situation in Sydney. I want to take the family to the beach.’
Right. Dan wanted to go away to the beach with the children. Jess would lose two days of being around him.
You’ll lose two days’ work. Remember you still haven’t managed to get Lang Fielder to agree in writing to any extra time to make the repayments.
Jess had managed to see the man. He’d said she should go on making what payments she could out of her wages with that negotiation in mind. It wasn’t enough of a reassurance.
Well, Jess didn’t want Dan to see her fear. She had learned from being scammed and written out of his life by Peter Rosche that she had to stand by herself. For her sake and for Ella’s sake, too. Jess needed to remember that. ‘That sounds like a lot of fun. I’m sure they’ll all enjoy it. When were you planning to go?’
‘Tomorrow.’
