want to tarnish your reputation. I know how small towns can be. People can leap to conclusions and think the worst things.”
“There’s no shame in your situation. It must take a lot of courage to marry a man you’ve never met for the sake of your child.” The shadows hid him, but not his essence. That shone as solid and unmistakable as the lamplight tumbling through the threshold from the other room. “I meant what I said in my letter. I will treat the baby as my own. Your child is our child now, just like the others that will follow.”
“The others.” That wasn’t something he’d written about in his letters. She gulped, feeling dizzy. The future wasn’t something she looked at. It was something best left unexamined. Of course there would be more children. He was a man. He would expect certain affections from his wife.
“Maybe I’m getting the cart in front of the horse.” He chuckled and his big hand closed around her forearm as if he knew how weakly her knees knocked. “We will focus on getting this baby into the world safely. One thing at a time. How’s that?”
She nodded, overcome, shocked by the possessive heat of his hand banding her like a manacle she did not know how to break. She let him lead her from the room. Her head swam, her heart thrashed against her sternum wildly as she stumbled toward her destiny, toward her fate as this man’s wife.
One of two bedside lamps was lit, tossing a sepia glow over its bedside table and onto the wide four-poster bed. A patchwork quilt in the colors of spring draped the feather tick, and snowy white pillow slips covered plump pillows. She’d never dreamed of such a room, with a window seat and a bureau to match the carved bed’s foot and headboards. A looking glass reflected back at her and she ran her fingertips across the polished wood frame. A real mirror.
“Of course, you will want to change all this. My sister said the curtains are a shame. But my mother made the quilt. You might want to replace it, that’s fine by me, but I thought it was pretty. Better than the wool blanket I had there before.” Bashfulness had him dipping his head as he backed from the room. “Your satchel is on the window seat. I’ll leave you to get ready for bed.”
She waited until the door closed before she released her breath. She sank onto the chest footing the bed, shaking so hard she felt sick. In the other room she could hear the fall of the bolt in the door and Austin’s boots crossing the room. The sharp sound of the fireplace utensils told her he was busy banking the fires for the night. She would not have much time before he came back through the bedroom door and she had no intention of being caught undressed.
She changed in a hurry into her nightgown. With fumbling fingers, she washed at the basin stand, cleaned her teeth and brushed out her long dark hair in front of the looking glass. The face reflected back at her was ashen, thin and afraid. By the time a quick rap sounded on the door, she was steps away from the bed.
“Come in,” she called, pleased at his politeness, and pulled the covers over her. The bed was the most comfortable thing she’d ever felt, both soft and firm at the same time, with flannel sheets. The door whispered open and Austin stalked in, perhaps shy also because he did not look at her as she rearranged her pillow.
He was a more decent man than she’d dared to hope, than she could even now believe. He turned his back to her to pour fresh water into the washbasin. “You’re comfortable?”
“Oh, yes.” She rolled on her side, facing away from him. The splash of water, the rustle of clothing, the pad of stocking feet on the floor marked the minutes ticking away until his side of the bed dipped beneath his weight. She closed her eyes, cold with fear over what was to come.
Chapter Four
The bed ropes creaked beneath his weight. She felt the mattress dip. Fear skittered through her and she held her breath. She tried to close out the memories of the nights when Jed had roughly pulled her into his arms. She drew in a shaky breath listening to the sheets rustle and feeling the mattress shift as Austin stretched out on the bed beside her.
Just don’t forget to breathe, she told herself. Relax, it hurts less that way. This was the price to pay for being a man’s wife. She thought of the cold nights huddled in the barn so hungry she could not sleep. She thought of the babe growing within her. You can do this, she thought. It will be over before you know it.
“I’ve got an early morning.” His buttery baritone rang softly as the bed ropes squeaked again. The lamp went out and darkness descended. “The livery opens at six.”
“I’ll be sure and have breakfast ready for you.” Yes, concentrate on what needed to be done tomorrow. That would give her mind something to focus on. Preparing breakfast, taking stock of the pantry and planning her meals for the day. Don’t notice he’s moving closer.
“How has your morning sickness been?” His big hand lightened on her shoulder and she jumped.
“F-fine.” Think about the curtains. With pretty little ruffles around the edge. She braced her body, every muscle drawing tight. Yes, those curtains would look so nice in the front room. Cheerful.
“Willa?” His voice rumbled through her thoughts, like a lasso drawing her back. His iron-strong form lay a few inches from hers, so close she could feel his body heat on hers. Terror struck, making it hard to breathe.
She blotted out what she knew was to come. The roughness, the pain, the humiliation, his weight holding her down until he collapsed on top of her. Her first wedding night rolled back to her like a nightmare. The innocent girl expecting love and romance died that night, too wounded to even cry out. At least this time she knew what was coming. She knew what marriage was about.
“Willa?” His voice gentled. “Darlin’, you’re shaking the entire bed.”
She was? “I’m s-sorry.”
“I don’t think it’s good for you or the baby to be this upset.” His hand left her shoulder to brush a strand of hair out of her face. A tone she’d never heard before rang low in his words. It was soft and warm and it made her turn to face him. “I take it your first husband wasn’t a gentle man?”
“No. Jed drank far too much for gentleness.” She laid her ear on the pillow, making out Austin’s face in the darkness—the tumble of his hair, the line of his jaw and the curve of his chiseled mouth. His eyes were black pools with depths she could not read.
“What was your first day married to him like?”
“He was a stranger, too.” The words rushed off her tongue, impossible to stop. Maybe it was easier to talk in the night, where she felt hidden. “I answered his advertisement in the territorial newspaper.”
“This isn’t your first time as a mail-order bride.”
“No.” She swallowed hard, thinking of the girl who’d kept staring at her left hand, a new bride wishing for a wedding ring. Maybe one day, that girl had thought hopefully, still seeing only blue skies ahead. “I had such dreams of a happily-ever-after. Jed had written a charming letter and I was immediately smitten. He seemed so funny and confident, he made me laugh and I thought, what a nice way to go through life alongside a man with a good sense of humor. But his humor lasted as long as it took to reach his farm.”
“What happened then?”
“He ordered me down from the wagon, gave me the reins, told me to put up the horses and fix him supper.” She could still remember
