capped the bottle and lay back on the padded cushions of her shaded lounger, closing her eyes and letting her thoughts drift.
Dinner tonight, she supposed, would probably be the best time to tell him of her decision—and then she might well drink herself into oblivion for the first time in her life, which was not something she’d ever contemplated, or a prospect she particularly relished.
It was just a question of doing whatever was necessary to get her through this phase in her life relatively unscathed, she thought unhappily, and alcohol was the only available anaesthetic.
It occurred to her that Renzo would probably know exactly why she was drinking as if tomorrow had been cancelled, but why would he care as long as he got what he wanted? she asked herself defiantly.
Anyway, she’d deal with that when the time came, and in the meantime she should stop brooding and turn her thoughts to something else entirely.
She ought to have brought something to read, she told herself ruefully. But when she’d mentioned packing some books into her honeymoon luggage Julia had stared at her as if she was insane, then told her acidly that Renzo would make sure she had far better things to do with her time.
Which brought her right back to square one again, she thought with a sigh, sitting up and reaching for her shirt.
She’d noticed some magazines yesterday in the salotto, and although they seemed exclusively to feature high fashion and interior design, they’d at least be a diversion.
Also they were in Italian, and Zio Guillermo had suggested kindly, but with a certain firmness too, that it would be good for her to start improving her language skills as soon as possible. So she could kill two birds with one stone.
Because of the heat, she deliberately took the climb up to the terrace very easily, pausing frequently to stand in the shade, and look back over the view.
But as she reached the top of the last flight of steps she halted abruptly, her heart thumping out a warning tattoo against her ribcage.
Because Renzo was there, sitting at the table, his feet up on an adjacent chair, reading a newspaper, a glass of wine beside him. He was wearing brief white shorts, a pair of espadrilles and sunglasses. The rest of him was tanned skin.
There was no way to avoid him, of course, Marisa realised uneasily, because this was the only route to the house. She just wished she was wearing more clothes. Or that he was.
It was all too horribly reminiscent of the last time he’d seen her in a bikini, when she’d given way to an impulse she’d hardly understood and been left to weep at her own humiliation.
She swallowed. But that had been years ago, and she wasn’t a child any longer—as he’d demonstrated last night.
And now there were things which had to be said, which couldn’t be put off any longer. Three birds, she thought, for the price of two. And bit her lip.
As she stood, hesitating, Renzo glanced up and saw her. Immediately he put his paper aside and got politely to his feet. ‘Buon pomeriggio.’ His greeting was unsmiling.
‘Good afternoon,’ she returned, dry-mouthed. In some odd way, he seemed taller than ever. ‘I—I was hoping you’d be back.’
He said expressionlessly, ‘I am flattered.’
His tone suggested the opposite, but Marisa ploughed on, trying to look anywhere but directly at him.
‘Evangelina said you might need medical treatment. I—I was—concerned.’
‘In case I had been blinded?’ he questioned with faint derision. He shook his head. ‘Evangelina exaggerates. As you see, no doctor was necessary,’ he added, removing his dark glasses.
She had to look at him then, staring with horror at the dark bruising at the corner of his eye. It was even worse than she’d expected.
She said huskily, ‘I—I’m truly sorry. Please believe that I didn’t mean to do it—that it was a total accident.’
He shrugged. ‘Then God help me if you ever intend to do it.’
Colour rose in her face. She said, ‘I never would. I—I was startled, that’s all.’ She spread her hands defensively. ‘All this—the strain of these last weeks—the wedding—it hasn’t been easy for me.’
‘And therefore my quite unreasonable wish to kiss you goodnight was the final straw?’ he said softly. ‘Is that what you are saying?’
She bit her lip. ‘Yes—perhaps.’ She looked down at the black and white marble tiles at her feet. ‘Although I realise it’s no excuse.’
‘At least we agree on something.’
He was not making this very easy for her, she thought. But then why should he? He was the one with the black eye.
‘Also,’ she went on, ‘I have to thank you for pretending that you walked into a door.’
‘It is the usual excuse, I believe,’ he said crisply. ‘Inoltre, I felt the truth would hardly be to the credit of either of us.’ His mouth twisted. ‘And Evangelina would have been most distressed. She is a romantic creature.’
She did not meet his gaze. ‘Then we must already be a terrible disappointment to her.’
‘No doubt,’ he said. ‘But we must all learn to live with our various disillusionments.’ He shrugged again. ‘And for some time to come, it seems, to judge by last night.’
The moment of truth had arrived. Earlier than she’d planned, but a few hours couldn’t really matter. Anyway, there was no turning back now, she thought, taking a deep breath. But her voice faltered a little just the same. ‘Well—perhaps not.’
There was an odd silence, then Renzo said slowly, ‘Why, Maria Lisa, are you saying you want me to make love to you?’
She realised that he was looking at her, studying her, allowing his eyes to travel slowly down her half-naked body. Thought again of a time when she would have responded with eager joy to the caress of his gaze, and how her pathetic attempt to lure him had met with rejection instead.
A small, cold stone seemed to settle in the middle of her chest.
She said, lifting her chin, ‘Shall we save the pretence for the staff, signore? You don’t want me any more than I want you. Julia told me you already have this Lucia Gallo in your life, so we both know exactly why we’re here, and what’s expected of us, and it has nothing to do with love.’
She stared rigidly past him. ‘You said last night that you wanted me not to—not to dread being with you, but that’s not going to happen. It—can’t. Because, however long you wait, I’m never going to be—ready in the way you wish.’
He was utterly still, she realised, and completely silent. In fact, she could have been addressing a statue. A man of bronze.
Oh, God, she thought. This would have been so much less complicated over dinner. And she wasn’t explaining it all in the way she’d rehearsed down at the pool either. In fact, she seemed to be saying all kinds of things she
