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For Leah Thaxton, Katie Bennett and the amazing David Tazzyman
Mr Gum and the Secret Hideout First published 2010 by Egmont UK Limited This edition published 2019 by Egmont UK Limited, The Yellow Building,1 Nicholas Road London W11 4AN
Text copyright © 2010 Andy Stanton
Illustration copyright © 2010 David Tazzyman
The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted
First e-book edition 2019
ISBN 978 1 4052 9376 1
eISBN 978 1 4052 5934 7
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library Printed and bound in Great Britain by the CPI Group
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Read all of Andy Stanton’s books!
You’re a Bad Man, MR GUM!
MR GUM and the Biscuit Billionaire
MR GUM and the Goblins
MR GUM and the Power Crystals
MR GUM and the Dancing Bear
What’s for Dinner, MR GUM?
MR GUM and the Cherry Tree
MR GUM and the Secret Hideout
Contents
Dedication
1 The Secret Hideout
2 The Department of Clouds and Yogurts
3 The Badsters Yick it Up
4 ’Vestigations and Birdseed
5 Down by the Riverside
6 The Midnight Meating
7 Prisoners!
8 Ship’s Biscuit
9 The Captain and Elizabeth
10 Old Granny on the Hoof
11 Mr Gum Gets a Surprise
12 Clouds of Sorrow, Clouds of Joy
EPILOGUE
THE END
About the Illustrator
About the Author
Some of the crazy old townsfolk from Lamonic Bibber
Mr Gum was a fierce old blister with a face as angry as a thousand walnuts and a big red beard which smelt of menace and beer. He hated children, animals, fun, comics, pop music, birthday parties, books, Christmas, the seaside, computer games, people called ‘Colin’, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fri– Actually, it would probably be quicker to tell you what he liked instead. What he liked was snoozing in bed all day, being a horror and secret hideouts. And the secret hideout he was in right now was the best secret hideout he’d ever seen.
‘This secret hideout’s flippin’ brilliant!’ shouted Mr Gum as he paced up and down in his hobnail boots. ‘It’s got everythin’! Rats! Cockroaches! Pipes what keep drippin’ slime everywhere! An’ it stinks! It’s like what I always imagined Heaven would be! An’ best of all, no one’s ever gonna find us here!’
‘Yeah,’ agreed Mr Gum’s dreadful accomplice, a scrawny butcher by the name of Billy William the Third. Billy was standing by a great iron furnace, shovelling old bits of meat on to the flames. And not just any old old bits of meat, but the stalest, grubbiest, most appalling specimens imaginable. Strings of ancient entrails, withered old horse legs, rubbery turkey necks …
On they all went, on to the flames. Billy was covered in soot and he was dripping with gobs of hot fat, but he hardly noticed. And why? I don’t know, I’m not him. He just didn’t.
‘Faster!’ commanded Mr Gum, hopping from one foot to the other like an unstoppable quail. ‘Shovel them entrails, Billy me boy! Chuck it on, chuck it on! An’ stoke it all up with coal or I’ll bash ya!’
‘Right
