Barry Loser: I am Not a Loser. Jim Smith

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Barry Loser: I am Not a Loser - Jim  Smith The Barry Loser Series

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      First published in Great Britain 2012

       by Jelly Pie an imprint of Egmont UK Ltd

       239 Kensington High Street London W8 6SA

      Text and illustration copyright © Jim Smith 2012

       The moral rights of the author-illustrator have been asserted.

      ISBN 978 1 4052 6031 2

       eISBN 978 1 7803 1122 7

       www.egmont.co.uk

      barryloser.com Jellypiebooks.co.uk

      A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

cover

      CONTENTS

       Cover

       Title page

       Copyright

       Praise

       Being a Loser

       The Keel Gang

       Granny Harumpadunk

       Barry Fakenose

       Barry Longlegs

       Barry Massive Robot Barry

       My loser haircut

       The wallpaper show

       Fronklespit hairgel

       My Loser pants

       Sort of genius plan

       Operation Reveal the Keel

       Darren Darrenicey

       The talent contest

       Still the talent contest

       Even stiller the talent contest

       Still even stiller the talent contest

       Vending Machine Mum

       Being a winner

       Being a loser again

       About the Author

      I’ve never minded that my name’s Barry Loser because my coolness has always cancelled it out, but ever since Darren Darrenofski joined school with his horrible little crocodile face he’s been completely ruining my life about it.

      He’s always slurping on cans of Fronkle then burping in my ear.

      When I complain that the burp is really loud and stinks of Fronkle he does this annoying little dance and sings ‘Barry Loser’s a Loser’ to the tune of ‘Happy Birthday to You’, which doesn’t work because it’s got too many syllables.

      I was in the playground the other day when a ringpull hit me on the back of my neck and went down my jumper and into my pants. I turned round and it was Darren Darrenofski again.

      ‘Nice really long shoelaces, Barry Loser,’ he said, then he did a burp that went on for about an hour.

      ‘That’s how long they are,’ he said when it was finished.

      ‘At least I don’t look like a poo bum crocodile,’ I said back, which sounded a bit loserish when it came out of my mouth but it confused him enough so that I could run off before he threw his whole can of Fronkle at me.

      Darren had got me worried that my laces were too long though and I spent the whole of Maths measuring shoelace lengths and came to the conclusion that he was right, so when I got home I cut a bit off each one.

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