Sorry, what you think? Cannot grow hair in there, eh?”
After a fondle and with a great deal of will-power, Craig said: “Mia, you said that you had finished all this stuff because you had your own boyfriend. Bob, I suppose. If you are happy with him and I am happy with your friend Lek, what the hell are you doing?”
“Nothing,” she said, “Just having some fun” and she walked back to the bar.
Craig followed a few yards behind, but he was troubled.
This was beyond his ability of deception. Not that he wanted to deceive Lek anyway. The problem was that he couldn’t help feeling flattered and attracted to Mia. In fact, this was the first time anything like this had ever happened to him. Mia was unique amongst his friends or even casual acquaintances.
When he retook his seat, Lek smiled at him from where she was standing in font of the customer she was serving and Mia smile at him too.
Bob was looking the other way quite studiously.
Eventually, Lek tired of helping out and went to sit with Craig. Lek was on his left and Mia was on his right, so to talk over the din, they both had to lean across him and shout in one another’s ears. Lek put her hand on Craig’s thigh to steady herself and Mia put her hand about a foot higher on the other one.
Whenever Mia thought that no-one was paying attention, she stroked Craig’s crotch lightly by wiggling her little finger. She pretended to be really drunk too, but maybe that didn’t take much pretence. Eventually, the night finished and everybody went their own way.
On the way home, Lek said:
“Mia likes you, I can see. If I didn’t know any better, I think I might have reason for concern.”
“Ah, don’t worry.,” said Craig, knowing that he would never shag Mia or swap her for Lek in a month of Sundays.
As much fun as Mia was.
1 3 WHITHER NOW?
One afternoon, while they were drinking iced coffee on the balcony, the conversation turned to the future.
“So, Lek, we have had a bit of a holiday, so now it’s time to start making some plans. What do you think? What would you like to do?”
“Well, first of all, I want to go see Soom and my Mum.”
“Yes, OK, we’ll go in two days, if you like, but I mean longer term than that. Where do you want to live for a start?”
“That is up to you, darling. I give you two choices: here in Pattaya or in my village, Baan Suay.”
“OK, that’s a start. I must have the Internet, so if we can get the Internet in the village, we still have two choices, but if we cannot, then we live in Pattaya. We could buy or rent a condo or house here and have a small ‘hunting lodge’ affair in the village for holidays.”
“Hunting lodge? What is ‘lodge’? No hunting in the village. Only hunt frogs, not tigers. Cannot hunt tigers now. Police take you and not have tigers any more. I don’t understand.”
“Yes, all right, wait a minute, calm down. I don’t believe in hunting for fun anyway. I mean a small house. A hunting lodge is just a small house. Like a cabin. A small wooden house.”
“Ah, I see! We have many hunting lodges in the village. Not many for chow though – I mean for rent. Maybe buy land and make small house. Can do?”
“Do you have Internet in the village?”
“I don’t know, telak? I think nobody has a computer, but I don’t know. We can go look in two or three days.”
“Yes, good idea. I want Internet in our room too, so today I want to go buy a USB wireless modem. It’s a bit like a mobile phone, but only for the Internet. I saw one yesterday in Pattaya Klang for 3,500 Baht, so not too expensive. Then I don’t have to pay 20 Baht every hour in an Internet shop. Now I pay 100-160 Baht every day. Then I can work from the room or the beach or anywhere I like.”
So, they drank up, grabbed the laptop and set off. Once in the shop, Craig spoke to the assistant:
“I am interested in that wireless modem.”
“Eh?”
“That wireless modem there.”
“Eh?”
Then she said to Lek in Thai:
“What is the falang talking about? I cannot understand him. Does he speak English? I can speak a little bit of English.”
“He is speaking English, but I don’t know what he wants either. I don’t understand computers at all. Ask him again, but tell him to speak slowly.”
“What you say? Say again, but speak slowly, please, sir.”
“OK, I want that wireless modem there. That one, right there.”
“Ah! Wi-Fi? Internet Wi-Fi. OK. Here. Look.”
Craig inspected the device, took out his laptop and switched it on.
“I can try now?”
“No, cannot. Not have ca’s.”
“What? Not have ‘cars’. What are Internet ‘cars’? Lek what is she saying? Can I see the instruction book, please, Lek?”
There was a flurry of Thai and the manual was handed over.
“I don’ know how to tell you, but we don’t have ‘ca’s’ for modem. I don’t know what is ca’s.”
So he sat down to read the manual.
It was only in Thai. He couldn’t read it and Lek couldn’t understand it. Then the sales assistant took out her mobile phone, took the back off it and pointed to the SIMM card.
“Not have ca’s in modem. Must buy, then can use for Internet.”
“Ah, I see. Must have SIMM card.” The two women smiled and nodded. “OK, if I buy Wi-Fi and a SIMM card will it work everywhere?”
“No,” she said, “only in Thailand. If you go to Cambodia, stop working.”
“OK, does it work everywhere in Thailand? Everywhere? Even Sukhothai, Uttaradit, Phitsanulok, in a village up there? Or only in big city?”
“Everywhere, sir. It working everywhere in Thailand. Even in village.”
“OK, I want one Wi-Fi and one SIMM card, please.”
He was putting his laptop away, when she said:
“You can buy Wi-Fi, but cannot buy ca’s. Not have.”
“What?,” he was starting to become hot and bothered now. “Why not?”
More Thai, then Lek said:
“You
