something obscene and lewd, and frivolous and rude, so that knowledge of my commentary on the ode be guaranteed from Dimyāṭ to the Ṣaʿīd. And indeed, I pray that not one clime, nay, nor any of the countries of mankind, be without it, since rare is he who, having once heard this ode, can put the droning of its worthless phrases from his mind, or, having once read it, is not taken with an urge to vomit, for when it passes by the ear, it does so like wind, and, should the body reject it, that’s only to be expected. As the poet of chaste speech has said, in these verses gleaned from The Glowing Pearls:6
Grant but that utterance7 is sound,
And sound meaning, O you of eloquence undimmed,
And you will grant that what I write are words
That charm the ear, and also wind.
And, as the proverb has it, “Said one, ‘There’s a fish farts fire in the seas.’ ‘The water,’ said others, ‘would put it out!’ ‘It’s all talk,’ returned the first, ‘Take it or leave it as you please!’”
٢،١
ولا بأس بوصف هذا الشرح بأبيات * كأنّها بول البنات * فأقول [وافر]
| كِتَابٌ قَد حَوَى فَنَّ الوَلَاشِ | كِتَابٌ قَد حَوَى رِيشَ الفَرَاشِ |
| كِتابٌ فيهِ أوراقٌ وحِبْرٌ | وقَولٌ صادِقٌ مَعَ قَوْلِ لاشِ |
| وفيهِ يا أخي مِن كَلِّ مَعنًى | إذا ما ذُقْتَهُ طَعمُ العَفاشِ |
| وألفاظٌ بهِ تحكي لِبَولٍ | عَليها رَونَقٌ مثلُ العَماشِ |
| وفيهِ مَسائِلٌ حازَتْ هُبالًا | عَليها سابِلٌ مثلُ القُماشِ١ |
| وفيهِ النَّظْمُ شِبْهُ الطوبِ رَصًّا | وفيهِ مَسائِلٌ جاءَتْ بِلاشِ |
| إذا طالَعْتَهُ حقًّا وصِدْقًا | فَلا تَأْمَنْ سَريعًا من طُراشِ |
وكل هذا لمناسبة ألفاظ القصيد * وحلّ معانيه التي تحكي قحوف الجريد * فالشارح لا يخرج عن كلام الماتن * كما هو عادة القاطن في هذا الفنّ والظاعن *
١ بي: كالقُماشِ.
Likewise, there being no harm in depicting this commentary in verses fragrant as maidens’ pee, I declare it to be:
A book full of the art of naught, a book full of the feathers of butterflies!
A book with pages, ink, and words—some true, some lies!
Within, my friend, are examples foul-tasting of every topos,
And phrases like piss that glisten with eye pus.
Within it are debates8 infantile
Draped over it all like a mantle,
While the verses it contains are like bricks in their stacking,
And there are learned discussions free for the taking.
Gaze on it well and peruse it truly
And very soon you’ll find your stomach’s unruly!
All of this has been done to match the phrasing of the ode itself and to unravel its meanings that resemble the butt ends of palm branches, for the commentator from the author’s text should never depart, according to the custom of those, be they experts or dabblers, who practice this art.
٣،١
فيا له من شرح لو وُضِعَ على أعلى الجبل لتدكدك * ولو نُقِشَ على عامود الصواري لتحرّك * ولو مسَخ حجرًا لتشطّر * ولو أُلْقِيَ في اليمّ لتكدّر * فهو جدير بأن يُرْقَمَ ببول الجحوش على جدران الكنائس * وحقيق بأن يُسَطَّرَ على بيوت الأخلية ببول العرائس * وأَوْلى بأن يُلْقَى على رؤوس المزابل * وأحقر بأن يرقم على جدران المكاسل * فهو شرح عديم النظير في الكثافه * لكونه في معنى أوصاف الرَيّافه * وليس له شبيه في الثقاله * لكونه في وصف ذوي الرذاله *
And what a commentary it has turned out to be! Set it on the highest mountain, and the mountain would tumble! Engrave it on the Pillar of the Columns,9 and the Pillar would crumble! Were a rock but to touch it, the latter would shatter, and were it thrown in the ocean, it would churn in commotion! Meet it is to be inscribed in donkey foals’ piss on the walls of a church, and to be written out in the urine of brides, outhouse walls to besmirch; yet more that it be thrown on top of a midden, being so despicable that it should on the walls where the loafers sit be written, for it is a commentary in coarseness without peer, on the characteristics of the people of the countryside brought to bear, and in boorishness without rival, being devoted to describing the ignoble.
٤،١
واعلم أنّ كلّ شرح لا بدّ له من اسم يناسبه * وعَلَم عليه يقاربه * وقد سمّيتُ هذا الشرح (هزّ القحوف * بشرح قصيد أبي شادوف) وأطلب من القريحة الفاسده * والفكرة الكاسده * الإعانة على كلام أغرفه من بنات الأفكار * وأسطّره في الأوراق فُشار في فشار * وأن يكون من بحر الخرافات * والأمور الهباليّات * والخلاعة والمجون * وشيء يحاكي كلام ابن سُودُون * فقد يلتذّ السامع بكلام فيه الضحك والخلاعه * ولا يميل إلى قول فيه البلاغة والبراعه * لأنّ النفوس الآن متشوّقة إلى شيء يسلّيها الهموم * ويزيل عنها وارد الغموم * وفي هذا المعنى أقول [طويل]
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فَفي مَذهَبي
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