VISITOR Haven’t you got a secretary who can take over and save you all the bother?
ATTORNEY You’re right. The secretary can do it perfectly well. The real reason why I stopped playing and left yesterday was that I’d already lost the month’s salary I had with me, and it’s still only the beginning of the month.
FIRST VISITOR You’re always claiming to have lost, however much you’ve won. In my entire life the only thing I’ve ever heard you say is that you’ve lost. Didn’t you win five pounds off me on the last hand we played?
ATTORNEY I swear to you on my honor, conscience, and future career, that I’d lost money when I left yesterday.
SECOND VISITOR Never mind! Tell me, are you still going to keep your appointment with us to go to our friend’s house to see that famous belly dancer?
ATTORNEY I can’t make it. In the first place, I don’t like that type of dancing. Only locals and peasants enjoy that sort of thing. Secondly, I’ve invited Mademoiselle X, the opera star, and two of her colleagues to dine with me at “Santé” in the Ezbekiyyah Quarter. Afterwards, we’re going to have some fun and visit Khān al-Khalīlī, Qaṣbat Ruḍwān, the Tombs of the Caliphs, and other ancient sites in the city.
3.8
FIRST VISITOR You were just claiming you didn’t have any of your month’s salary left. How are you going to afford such expenses?
ATTORNEY I forgot to mention that a lawyer and his friend, the ʿumdah,32 are coming with us.
SECOND VISITOR How can two such people make any pretense of liking French soirées or getting the slightest enjoyment out of them? They don’t know a word of the language or any European phrases.
ATTORNEY My dear friend, don’t you realize that lawyers want to keep the company of the judiciary, and peasants want to brush shoulders with us? But both alike dearly want to attend French soirées, even though the cost is so high and they get no benefit or enjoyment whatsoever.
SECOND VISITOR (tersely) Where did you get that cravat?
ATTORNEY I didn’t buy it, monsieur. It came with my clothes from my tailor in Paris.
FIRST VISITOR Did you hear that X has resigned?
SECOND VISITOR Have you seen those electric carriages?
ATTORNEY I’ve found out for you why Suarez’s son committed suicide.
FIRST VISITOR I know—love!
ATTORNEY No.
VISITOR Money?
ATTORNEY No.
VISITOR Was he ill?
ATTORNEY No, the poor chap was copying the latest rage in Paris!
FIRST VISITOR And I’ve found out for you why ʿUthmān Bey Ghālib was fired from his post.
ATTORNEY Was it his conduct?
VISITOR No.
ATTORNEY His job?
VISITOR No.
ATTORNEY His French?
VISITOR No, his English!
3.9
ʿĪsā ibn Hishām said:33 I found this terse and vacuous conversation boring, so I took advantage of the guard’s entry to leave my hiding place and return to my companion, the Pāshā. I found a lawyer’s agent beside him. He had come over and was talking to him. So I stood at a distance. Here is some of what I heard him say:
AGENT You should realize that the lawyer can direct the judiciary exactly as he wishes, punishing and acquitting anyone according to whim. The members of the Parquet, the courts, and judges merely follow his instructions. No decision can be made unless he says so and no verdict can be reached without his instructions. You’re a stranger here, someone who deserves sympathy and forbearance. Mere human decency forbids me to let you fall into the clutches of some low-class lawyers who regularly use deceitful and crafty methods and make false promises that raise all kinds of hopes, and all that merely to rob people of their money. My colleague on the other hand is honest and reliable, a well-known man of principle who is highly regarded by princes and government officials alike. He’s the inspector’s friend, the counselor’s companion, the judge’s intimate companion, the attorney’s confidant, and the prince’s agent. If only you could see him just once, my dear Sir, when he meets them for a late-night chat. You would immediately notice the informal atmosphere they share as they enjoy themselves in each other’s company and watch him as he eats and drinks with them, chats and jokes, debates and gambles. You would then be convinced that every request he makes is granted and no one would refuse to do what he orders. As a result, the guilty man can be innocent in accordance with his wishes, and the innocent man guilty. So tell me, how much can you afford to pay in advance?
PĀSHĀ I know nothing about advance or arrears. My friend didn’t mention this powerful arbiter you describe. So once I’ve asked him about it—
AGENT (interrupting) There’s no need to ask anyone! Here comes the lawyer now.
3.10
(The Agent greets the Lawyer with the lavish respect due to a prince. As he clears a path toward the Pāshā, he is whispering in the Lawyer’s ear.)
LAWYER (raising his voice) I cannot possibly take on anybody else’s brief these days. I have piles of work and a colossal number of cases. There’s no time left to eat and drink. (Maybe the truth of the matter was that he had nothing left at all, not just time.) How can you expect me to take on your friend’s brief in such a trifling case, when I’ve already turned down five major cases this very morning?
AGENT For humanitarian reasons and in the name of the sanctity of chivalry and your inborn sympathy and pity for the weak, I beg you to allow one of your office staff to handle this case. Even if you cannot demean yourself so far as to handle it yourself, all that’s needed is the influence that your name brings to the court.
LAWYER Out of regard for you and sympathy for your friend, I can see no objection.
(The Lawyer shakes hands with the Pāshā, then turns away and leaves.)
AGENT (to the Pāshā) Come on, that’ll be twenty pounds.
PĀSHĀ I haven’t a single dirham on me.
AGENT Then give me a check from a relative or acquaintance.
PĀSHĀ I don’t understand what you mean. Go away, I’m fed up with you!
AGENT How can I leave when you have just reached an agreement with the Lawyer right in front of me?
PĀSHĀ I made no agreement with anyone. Go away!
AGENT How can you possibly deny shaking hands with the Lawyer and reaching an agreement with him?
PĀSHĀ How can anyone tolerate this situation? I gestured
