style="font-size:15px;"> Uncle dear, what are you going to call your son? I hope you'll give him a lovely, poetic name. So much depends on a man's name.
ELDERLY LADY
I should advise a simple, solid name. Men with nice names are usually frivolous and rarely successful.
ELDERLY MAN
It seems to me, brother, you should name your son after some older relative. Keeping the same names in the family tends to preserve and strengthen the line.
FATHER
Yes, my wife and I have already discussed the subject, but have not been able to reach a decision. You see, there are so many new things to think of when a child comes, so many new problems to solve which never arose before.
ELDERLY LADY
It fills up your life.
ELDERLY MAN
It gives life a beautiful purpose. By properly educating a child, preventing it from making the mistakes which we had to pay for so dearly, and strengthening its mind with our own rich experiences, we produce a better man and advance slowly but surely toward the final goal of existence, which is perfection.
FATHER
You are quite right, brother. When I was little I loved to torture animals. That developed cruelty in me. I won't allow my son to torture animals. Even after I had grown up I often made mistakes in my friendships and love. I chose friends who were unworthy and women who were faithless. I'll explain to my son—
DOCTOR (enters and says aloud)
Your wife is feeling very bad. She wants to see you.
FATHER
Oh, my God! (He and the Doctor leave)
[The Relatives seat themselves in a semicircle. Solemn silence for a time. Someone in Gray stands motionless in the corner, His stony face turned toward them.
RELATIVES' CONVERSATION
—Do you think, dear, she may die?
—No, I don't think so. She is a very impatient woman and makes too much of her pains. All women bear children and none of them die. I have borne six children.
—But the way she screamed, mamma?
—Yes, her face was purple from screaming. I noticed it.
—Not from screaming, but from laboring. You don't understand about these things. My face got purple too, but I didn't scream.
—Not long ago an acquaintance of mine, the civil engineer's wife, gave birth to a child, and she scarcely made a sound.
—I know. There's no need for my brother to be so upset. One must be firm and take things calmly. And I'm afraid, too, he'll introduce a lot of his fantastic notions in the bringing up of his children and indulge their every whim.
—He's a very weak character. He has little enough money, and yet he lends it to people who don't deserve to be trusted.
—Do you know how much the child's layette cost?
—Don't talk to me of it! It gets on my nerves, my brother's extravagance does. I often quarrel with him because he's so improvident.
—They say a stork brings babies. What sort of a stork is it?
[The young men burst out laughing.
—Don't talk nonsense. I gave birth to five children right in your presence, and I'm no stork, thank the Lord.
[The young men burst our laughing again. The Elderly Woman eyes them long and sternly.
—It's only a superstition. Children are born in an absolutely natural way, firmly established by science. They've moved to new quarters now.
—Who?
—The engineer and his wife. Their old place was chilly and damp. They complained to the landlord several times, but he paid no attention.
—I think it's better to live in a small place that's warm than in a large place that's damp. You are liable to catch your death of cold and rheumatism if you live in a damp house.
—I have a friend, too, who lives in a very damp house. And I too.
Very damp.
—There are so many damp places nowadays.
—Tell me, please—I've been wanting to ask you a long time—how do you remove a grease stain from light-colored material?
—Woollen?
—No, silk.
[The child's crying is heard behind the scene.
—Take a piece of ice and rub it on the spot hard. Then take a hot iron and press the spot.
—No? Fancy, how simple! I heard benzine was better.
—No, benzine is good for dark material. For light goods ice is better.
—I wonder whether smoking is allowed here. Somehow at never occurred to me before whether one may or may not smoke where there is a new-born baby.
—It never occurred to me either. How strange! I know it isn't proper to smoke at funerals, but here—
—Nonsense! Of course you may smoke.
—Smoking is a bad habit just the same. You are still a very young man and ought to take good care of your health. There are many occasions in life when good health is highly essential.
—But smoking stimulates.
—Believe me, it's a very unhealthy stimulant. When I was young and reckless, I was also guilty of using, or rather abusing, tobacco—
—Mamma, listen to him crying. My, how he's crying! Does he want milk, mamma?
[The young men burst out laughing. The Elderly Woman looks at them sternly.
THE SECOND SCENE
LOVE AND POVERTY
