style="font-size:15px;"> The ruler of Dympsfield House – Dympsfield House is the picturesque name conferred upon our ancestral home by my grandfather, Mr. George Arbuthnot of Messrs. Arbuthnot, Boyd and Co., the celebrated firm of sugar refiners of Bristol – the ruler of Dympsfield House was ostensibly engaged in the study of a work of fiction of a pronounced sporting character, with a yellow cover. Works of this nature and the provincial edition of the Daily Courier, which is guaranteed to have a circulation of ten million copies per diem, are the only forms of literature that the ruler of Dymspfield House considers it "healthy" to peruse.
When I entered the drawing-room with a free and easy air which was designed to suggest that my conscience had nothing to conceal and nothing to defend, the wife of my bosom discarded her novel and fixed me with that cool gaze which all who are born Vane-Anstruther consider it to be the hall-mark of their caste to wield.
"Where have you been, Odo?" was the greeting that was reserved for me.
"Dining with Fitz," said I, succinctly.
A short pause.
"What did you say?"
I repeated my modest statement.
A snort.
"Upon my word, Odo, I can't think – !"
It called for a nice judgment to know which opening to play.
"Fitz is in trouble," said I.
"Is that very surprising?"
It is difficult to render the true Vane-Anstruther vocal inflections in terms of literary art. A similar problem is presented by the unwavering glint of the china-blue eye and the subtle curl of the lip.
"In the sense you wish to convey, mon enfant, it is surprising. Fitz is one of the poor devils who are by no means so black as they are painted."
A toss of the head.
"Don't forget that I have known Fitz all his life; that we were at school together; and that one way and another I have seen a good deal of him."
"I wouldn't boast about it, if I were you. The man is a byword; you know that. It is not kind to me."
I was in mortal fear of tears. That dread accessory of conjugal life is permitted by the Code De Vere Vane-Anstruther in certain situations. However, although the weather was very heavy, for the time being that was spared me, and I breathed more freely.
Joseph Jocelyn De Vere Vane-Anstruther, who had a cigarette between his lips, and was lying full length upon a chintz that was charmingly devised in blue and yellow, inquired whether I had mentioned to Fitz the subject of a meeting with the outraged Brasset.
"If the weather don't pick up," said this Corinthian, "we shall go up to town to-morrow, and my pal in Jermyn Street will put Brasset through his facings. With a bit of practice Brasset ought to be able to give Fitz his gruel."
"I fail to see," said I, "why the unfortunate husband should be brought to book for the sins of the wife."
"If you take to yourself a wife," said my relation by marriage, with a didacticism of which he is seldom guilty, "it is for better or for worse; and if your missus overrides the best 'ound in the pack and then 'its the Master over the head with her crop because he tells her what he thinks of her, you are looking both ways for trouble."
"It is a hard doctrine," said I.
"If a chap is such a fool as to marry, he must stand to the consequences."
"He must!"
Such a prompt corroboration of the young fellow's reasoning can only be described as sinister. A flash of the china-blue eyes came from the vicinity of the hearthrug.
"How did Mrs. Fitz bear herself at the dinner table?" inquired the sharer of my joys. "Did she eat with her knife and drink out of the finger bowls?"
"No, mon enfant, I am compelled to say that she did not."
Mrs. Arbuthnot frowned a becoming incredulity.
"You surprise one."
"Perhaps it is not altogether remarkable."
"A matter of opinion, surely."
"Personally, I prefer to regard it as a matter of fact. You see, Mrs. Fitz was not at the dinner table."
"Where was she, may I ask?"
"She had gone up to town."
"And was that why her husband was so upset?"
"There is reason to believe that it was."
"Oh!"
There was great virtue in that exclamation. My amiable coadjutor, as I knew perfectly well, was burning to pursue her inquiries, but her status as a human being did not permit her to proceed farther. There are many advantages incident to the proud condition of a De Vere Vane-Anstruther, but that almost inhuman eminence has its drawbacks also. Chief among them are the limits imposed upon a perfectly natural and healthy curiosity. It is not seemly for a member of that distinguished clan to enter too exhaustively into the affairs of her neighbours.
On the following morning, in spite of the behaviour of the weather, we were favoured by an early visit from Mrs. Catesby. She was in high feather.
"You have heard the news, of course!" she proclaimed for the benefit of Mrs. Arbuthnot and with an expansion of manner that she does not always permit herself. "Of course Odo has told you what brought Nevil Fitzwaren here yesterday morning."
"Oh no, he hasn't," said Mrs. Arbuthnot, rather aggrievedly.
"Is it conceivable, my dear child, that you have not heard the news?"
"I only know, Mary, that Nevil Fitzwaren is in trouble. Odo did not think well to supply the details, and really the affairs of the Fitzwarens interest one so little that one did not feel inclined to inquire."
"The creature has bolted, my dear."
In spite of Mrs. Arbuthnot's determination to take no interest in the affairs of the Fitzwarens, she was not proof against this melodramatic announcement.
"Bolted, Mary!"
"Bolted, child. And with whom do you suppose?"
"One would say with the chauffeur," hazarded Mrs. Arbuthnot, promptly.
Mrs. Catesby's countenance fell. She made no attempt to dissemble her disappointment.
"Then Odo has told you after all."
"Not a syllable, I assure you, Mary. But I am certain that if Mrs. Fitz has bolted with anybody, it must have been with the chauffeur."
"How clever of you, my dear child!" The Great Lady's admiration was open and sincere. "Such a right feeling about things! She has certainly bolted with the chauffeur."
"Odo," said Mrs. Arbuthnot, triumphant, yet imperious, "why didn't you tell me all this?"
"Mon enfant," said I, in the mellowest tones of which I am master, "you gave me clearly to understand that the affairs of the Fitzwarens had no
