Jack and the Check Book. Bangs John Kendrick
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Wilbraham looked at his wife, dumb with amazement, and she, tottering backward into her chair, gazed back, her eyes distended with fear.
"Have I – have I been dreaming?" he gasped, recovering his speech in a moment. "Or have we really had a visitor?"
"I was going to ask you the same question, Richard," she replied. "It really was so very extraordinary, I can hardly believe – "
And then their eyes fell upon the steaming egg, still lying like a beautiful sunset on a background of toast upon the table.
"The egg!" she cried, hoarsely. "It must have been true."
"Will you eat it?" asked Wilbraham, politely extending the platter in her direction.
"Never!" she cried, shuddering. "I should not dare. It is too uncanny."
"Then I will," said Wilbraham. "If the old man spoke the truth – "
He swallowed the egg at a single gulp.
"Fine!" he murmured, in an ecstasy of gastronomic pleasure. "I wish there were two more just like it!"
No sooner had he spoken these words than two more poached eggs, even as he had wished, appeared upon the platter.
"Great heavens, Ethelinda!" he cried. "The wishes come true! I wish to goodness I knew who that old duffer was."
The words had scarcely fallen from his lips when a card fluttered down from the ceiling. Wilbraham sprang forward excitedly and caught it as it fell. It read:
"Henry W. Oberon, United States Fairy Company, Wall Street, eh?" he muttered. "By Jove, I wish I knew – "
"Stop!" cried his wife, seizing him by the arm, imploringly. "Do stop, Richard. You have used up two of your wishes already. Think what you need most before you waste the third."
"Wise Ethelinda," he murmured, patting her gently on the hand. "Very, very wise, and I will be careful. Let me see now… I wish I had … I wish I had…"
He paused for a long time, and then his face fairly beamed with a great light of joy.
"I wish I had three more wishes!" he cried.
Another crash of thunder shook the house to its very foundations, and a lightning flash turned the darkness of the interior of the dwelling into a vivid golden yellow that dazzled them, and then all went dusk again.
"Mercy!" shuddered the good wife. "I hope that was an answer to your wish."
"It won't take long to find out," said Wilbraham. "I'll tackle a few more natural desires right here and now, and if they come true I'll know that that thunderbolt was a rush message from the United States Fairy Company telling me to draw on them at sight."
"Well, don't be extravagant," his wife cautioned him.
"I'll be as extravagant as I please," he retorted. "If my fourth wish works, Ethelinda, my address from this hour on will be Easy Street and Treasury Avenue. I wish first then that this old farm was in Ballyhack!"
"Ballyhack! Last station – all out!" cried a hoarse voice at the door.
Wilbraham rushed to the window and peered out into what had been the night, but had now become a picture of something worse. Great clouds of impenetrable smoke hung over the grim stretches of a dismal-looking country in which there seemed to be nothing but charred remnants of ruined trees and blackened rocks, over which, in an endless line, a weary mass of struggling plodders, men and women, toiled onward through the grime of a hopeless environment.
"Great Scott!" he cried, in dismay, as the squalid misery of the prospect smote upon his vision. "This is worse than Diggville. I wish to heaven we were back again."
"Diggville! Change cars for Easy Street and Fortune Square!" cried the hoarse voice at the door, and Wilbraham, looking out through the window again, was rejoiced to find himself back amid familiar scenes.
"They're working all right," he said, gleefully.
"Yes," said his wife. "They seem to be and you seem to be speculating as usual upon a narrow margin. Again you have only one wish left, having squandered four out of the five already used."
"And why not, my dear," smiled Wilbraham, amiably, "when my next wish is to be for six spandy new wishes straight from the factory?"
Mrs. Wilbraham's face cleared.
"Oh, splendid!" she cried, joyously. "Wish it – wish it – do hurry before you forget."
"I do wish it – six more wishes on the half-shell!" roared Wilbraham.
As before, came the thunder and the lightning.
"Thank you!" said Wilbraham. "These fairies are mighty prompt correspondents. I am beginning to see my way out of our difficulties, Ethelinda," he proceeded, rubbing his hands together unctuously. "Instead of dreading to-morrow and the maturity of that beastly old mortgage, I wish to thunder it were here, and that the confounded thing were paid off."
The wish, expressed impulsively, brought about the most astonishing results. The hall clock began instantly to whirr and to wheeze, its hands whizzing about as though upon a well-oiled pivot. The sun shot up out of the eastern horizon as though fired from a cannon, and before the amazed couple could realize what was going on, the village clock struck the hour of noon, and they found themselves bowing old Colonel Digby, the mortgage holder, out of the house, while Wilbraham himself held in his right hand a complete satisfaction of that depressing document.
"Now," said Wilbraham, "I feel like celebrating. What would you say to a nice little luncheon, my dear? Something simple, but good – say some Russian caviare, Lynnhaven Bay oysters, real turtle soup, terrapin, canvas-back duck, alligator-pear salad, and an orange brûlot for two, eh?"
"It would be fine, Richard," replied the lady, her eyes flashing with joy, "but I don't know where we could get such a feast here. The Diggville markets are – "
"Markets?" cried Wilbraham, contemptuously. "What have we to do with markets from this time on? Markets are nothing to me. I merely wish that we had that repast right here and now, ready to – "
"Luncheon is served, sir," said a tall, majestic-looking stranger, entering from the dining-room.
"Ah! Really?" said Wilbraham. "And who the dickens are you?"
"I am the head butler of the Fairies' Union assigned to your service, sir," replied the stranger, civilly, making a low bow to Mrs. Wilbraham.
There is no use of describing the meal. It was all there as foreshadowed in Wilbraham's gastronomically inspired menu, and having had nothing to eat since the night before, the fortunate couple did full justice to it.
"Before we go any further, Richard," said Mrs. Wilbraham, after the duck had been served, "do you happen to remember how many of your last six wishes are left?"
"No, I don't," said Wilbraham.
"Then you had better order a few more