sleeps just fine through the night in her own room”, you may hear. Every baby has a different personality. Some needier babies simply need more of you day and night. On page we discuss infant personalities and temperaments and how these relate to nighttime needs. It’s time to lose the magazine fantasy and work out on your own what is best for you and your baby. If we had to pick the single most important message of this book, it would be: trust your own instincts and make your own decisions about what is best for your individual baby and you.
2. Sleeping in your room, but not in your bed.
This is a common sleep set up for two types of families: those who are living in a one-bedroom apartment (like medical resident Dr Bob was when his second son was born – four people sleeping in one room!), and those who want their baby close by (but not so close that baby’s tiny feet are kicking them in the ribs). Maybe you want baby close by simply for convenient breastfeeding, because baby wakes up several times each night. Or, perhaps your baby is a great sleeper, yet you prefer having baby sleep near you for your own peace of mind.
Having baby in your room has these advantages:
When baby wakes he is within arm’s reach or just a step away from you.
You can get to baby quickly and rock or feed him back to sleep before he fully wakens.
If you wake up, you can easily check on baby to reassure yourself all is well.
You feel close to baby, yet you and your partner have the bed to yourselves.
Baby enjoys a sense of security.
You can easily bring baby into your bed to feed back to sleep so your comfort is less interrupted.
Of course, there are possible disadvantages as well:
If you are a light sleeper, you may find yourself disturbed by every sound that baby makes.
Baby may grow accustomed to your proximity and may wake up more often because there is something to wake up for (feeding) and someone to wake up to.
Here are some common options for finding a safe place for baby to sleep in your room:
The Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper. This is about as close as you can get to having baby nearby but not technically in your bed. With the co-sleeper, you can truthfully tell your in-laws, “No, our baby is not sleeping in our bed with us.” Since baby is on a separate mattress, he won’t feel your every movement, and you won’t feel his. You and your partner can enjoy your intimate space. It also gives you instant access to baby when he wakes (he’s within arm’s reach) so you can move close to him and feed or pat him back to sleep before he fully wakes up and cries. (See page for illustration of the Co-sleeper).
Cradle or Moses basket. These baby beds have the advantage of being right next to your bed, but don’t offer the convenience of easy-access feeding like the co-sleeper. Cradles and Moses baskets are portable, however, so you have the flexibility of seeing if baby would sleep well in his own room, too.
Swinging hammock bed. This baby bed is like a soft-bottomed cradle, and it hangs from a spring inside a steel frame, so every time baby moves, the spring gently moves and often lulls baby back to sleep. It too has the advantage of being portable, so baby can sleep in any room of the house. It can sit right next to your bed for easy access to baby at night.
Some of you reading this book may be finding that your baby thinks being in the same room with you just isn’t close enough. Baby needs to feel you right next to him, and if he doesn’t, he wakes up. So, what do you do? Co-sleep!
3. Sleeping with baby in your bed. Perhaps your baby isn’t even born yet, but you’ve decided that you want to sleep with your baby right from the start. You may feel: “after all, she’s a baby. She’s been close to me for nine months.” Or maybe you are just getting to know your newborn, and you aren’t yet sure what you want to do. Or, you may encounter this situation. “When I put our baby in the cot he wakes up a lot, but as soon as I bring him into our bed he sleeps better – and so do we.” Baby is trying to tell you something: “For my well-being I need to sleep closer to you.” Listen to your baby!
Sleeping with your baby has some unique advantages:
You can feed baby back to sleep while you fall easily back to sleep.
Baby can fall back to sleep more quickly because you can comfort him before he fully wakes up, and you fully wake up.
Baby may sleep longer and better because you are nearby.
Baby benefits from eight extra hours of closeness each night.
Working parents get extra “touch” time with baby.
Studies have shown that even though sleep-sharing babies wake up more to feed, co-sleeping mothers actually get more restful sleep compared to mums who don’t sleep with their babies.
These very advantages can also turn out to be disadvantages (depending on how you look at it):
Baby may actually wake more frequently because he feels you nearby.
Some parents don’t sleep well with a baby in their bed. They want their baby close, but not that close.
If Mum sleeps well with the baby, but Dad is a light sleeper and can’t get used to the extra presence in his bed, Dad may not sleep well. This may prompt Dad to find another room to sleep in, such as the pastel-coloured nursery that he painted for the baby.
Once baby gets used to sleeping with you, he may not want to give it up. For some of you, this is an advantage because you welcome this long-term bonding arrangement. For others, co-sleeping may go on longer than you would have liked.
You may have enjoyed sharing sleep with your baby, but now one or all of these disadvantages are interfering with your sleep. If your co-sleeping baby is waking up too much, you can choose either to keep baby in your bed and work through the other steps in our plan, or you can look at the other options for where baby may sleep.
Deciding about co-sleeping isn’t as simple as weighing a short list of pros and cons. Co-sleeping is part of an Attachment Parenting style that can be rewarding for families in many ways. (See the “Baby B’s of Attachment Parenting”,) Because most parents sleep with their baby at some time in the first couple of years, in chapter 5 we will go into detail about sharing sleep with your baby and how to decide if it is the right arrangement for you.
4. All of the above. Most families play musical beds during their child’s early years and juggle bits and pieces of all of these sleeping arrangements. For example, baby may start off in a separate bed or room, then move closer to Mum sometime during the night. Remember, it’s about what’s best for you and your baby, and adapting to everyone’s changing nighttime needs.
Now let’s move on to step two.
