not how things work. You and I both know why this is happening again, why you’ve decided to throw away everything you’ve built over the past few years. Come on, tell your wife why. Surely she deserves to know doesn’t she?’
‘Shut up, Granger.’
‘Why can’t you be like the rest of us, hey? Having to deal with things even though we don’t want to. You don’t see me reaching for the funny pills or running amok or putting my wife and friend in jeopardy! But then, you know what I think. I think it’s all just one big excuse to be that prize jackass which is always bursting to get out of you… Go on, tell them. Tell them why you’ve begun to search again.’
Cooper knew he sounded like a broken man. ‘Please, Granger, don’t do this.’
Maddie’s face was a picture of anguish and pain and hurt. ‘Will someone tell me what the hell this is about?’
‘You want to tell her?’
Cooper spoke in a controlled whisper. A mixture of pain and steely resolve.
‘Leave it. Okay…? Just leave it. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ll give you anything, Granger. But I can’t give you that… So yeah, you’re right. I can’t deal with it. I can’t talk about your daughter.’
Going straight across to the cooler in the kitchen of Onyx, Cooper took out a small carton of juice which he drank down thirstily. Threw a non-alc beer to Levi.
He felt as refreshed as he could after taking an ice cold shower which, after the showdown with Granger, was much needed. He’d put on clean clothes. His usual attire of jeans and a gray marl long sleeved top. Splashed some of Granger’s aftershave on and combed his hair and brushed his teeth and checked his hair again and then finally took a pill. Xanax. Just to get him through. Then he’d taken another one. Just to make sure.
‘You okay?’ asked Levi.
‘Yep.’
‘You wanna talk?’
‘Nope.’
‘Was Granger right? You been having to take some pills again?’
Cooper didn’t bother answering. Wondered if it was because he didn’t want to lie.
‘You were bad on them before, Coop… Have the flashbacks come back? You not sleeping again? Is the old injury playing up? You think you need to go and see that shrink again? I mean, I could come with you and all. And if…’
‘If what?’
‘Well, if you need me, I’m here.’
Cooper shrugged. ‘I’m fine. But thanks.’
Levi gave him that look. The look that said he didn’t quite believe him, but he carried on talking anyway. ‘Dorothy wants to see you. She wants you to come to dinner on Sunday… maybe you could bring somebody…’ He paused, before twisting his hands like a kid does. Innocence was sure as hell being feigned. ‘… Maybe Maddie? Maybe it would be good for you two just to sit down and talk? You know, on neutral ground.’
Cooper raised his eyebrows, shooting Levi a warning glance not to go there. He grabbed another juice. Headed to the office he shared with the others without saying another word.
Walking out into the familiar cream and orange hallway filled with photos of various planes and boats always made Cooper feel he’d stepped back into the seventies. It got him every time. He didn’t mind, hell he could live with anything, but Maddie, she’d whined like a tomcat. She’d campaigned to Granger to get it changed, even bringing in samples and color charts. But each time it came to the place being re-decorated, Granger would select the same old colors and same old photos and Maddie’s complaints would start all over again.
‘Tom.’
Cooper turned round. Readying himself for the showdown. Justified. Inevitable.
‘Whatever it is you’re going to say, Maddie, you’re right and I’m sorry but everyone now thinks you’ve left me, so it’s kind of a bit awkward explaining you haven’t.’
‘What are you talking about? You think I didn’t mean it? What is wrong with you? Are you really that arrogant, or is it you just don’t care enough to see and believe how I feel?’
‘Look, I’ll take Cora out for some ice-cream, make up for missing her birthday party.’
It was a mix between a laugh and a snort but he got it. The derision was coming hard and fast. Straight his way.
‘You really don’t get it do you? It’s over. I’m not coming back. I can’t.’
A punch in the stomach would’ve been preferable. ‘And Cora? How do you think it’s going to affect her me not being around?’
‘Tom, you’re never around anyway… You don’t deserve that little girl, but for some unknown reason she idolizes you. Only thing she talks about. Well, you and Mr. Crawley.’
‘Mr. Crawley?’
‘Her caterpillar. I think it’s dead but you know Cora, she’s insisting on keeping it in a cookie jar… Anyway, look, I don’t want to talk about Mr. Crawley. I just want to know in what universe do you think a scoop of Rocky Road is going to make up for letting her down on her birthday?’
The pounding throb above Cooper’s eyes sent pain waves down the bridge of his nose. Like a jackhammer breaking through granite stone. He knew what it was. Good old fashioned stress. ‘She can be the judge of that.’
‘She’s just a little girl, Tom.’
‘I know what she is… Listen, I was wrong, I should’ve showed up.’
‘Yes you should, but there’s nothing you can do about that now. But you can tell me about Granger. What was he talking about? What was he trying to get you to say?’
Partly to stall for time and find some plausibility, because Maddie was like kryptonite when it came to annihilating his bullshit, and partly because he had a damn crick at the base of his neck, he shrugged. ‘Who knows, Granger makes his own rules up as he goes along.’
‘Don’t lie to me Tom. I’m not stupid.’
Cornered, Cooper did what he was certain felt like second nature to most men: changed the subject. Spun it the hell round. Put the heat on her instead.
‘Look, Maddie, do you think this is going to work? Us. Here. Together like this. Is this how it’s going to be from now on?’
By Cooper’s reckoning it was at least twenty-five seconds before Maddie spoke, give or take the last three seconds which she spent cutting her eyes at him.
‘Seriously? You of all people ask me that? In case it escaped your notice I’m not just a wife. I’m a mom. I’m a damn good pilot and investigator.
