because the wave of nausea had hit her so unexpectedly that she’d suddenly felt vulnerable, and a tiny bit scared. It was a blip. She needed to get back on track. She’d taken control of her future. She wanted a baby more than anything. She had everything she could wish for and she’d worked hard for it – a career, a crash pad in London, a never-a-dull-moment lifestyle … But at the end of the day she was alone in the world. She’d inherited the family cottage in Cornwall when her grandma died, and dreamed up the plan of creating a family to go with it. An uncomplicated, no-ties, no-commitment, guaranteed-hurt-free designer family. No man required. She’d been raised without a dad, and she was certain that she could make a success of family life all on her own. Best of all, there’d be no false hopes and no broken promises.
The last thing she needed was second thoughts. Especially ones put into her head by a testosterone-loaded actor who’d ignored her for ten years and then popped into her life to play her nemesis – like he’d never left. Like he’d never promised to call. Like his kiss had never made her weak with spine-tingling desire …
“Aren’t you even just a bit weirded-out by the genetic randomness of it all?” His words rankled, and all the while his deep voice made her fizz like a can of shaken-up cola.
Was he incapable of letting the subject drop? She hadn’t done this on impulse. She’d thought it through meticulously. She tensed her shoulders, bristling with the strength of her resolution.
“I’m sorry I mentioned it. It’s very early days. I might not even be pregnant.” She bit her lip and reined herself in. She needed to retain a veneer of polite detachment in order to work with Alex. Instead she’d blabbed about her personal life, and things were going horribly wrong. So much for the outwardly calm, sophisticated image she normally projected in her professional life. Her feathers were well and truly ruffled.
“It’s your life. Go for it,” he said, his tone loaded with censure.
“I don’t need your blessing.”
“Look, Maggie. I’ve got to be honest with you.” His jaw clenched. “I hope Donor Guy doesn’t have a winner on his sperm team.”
“You have no right …”
“No.” He cut her off. “I have none.” He watched her thoughtfully. “I’m no expert, but a dad should come with a lifetime guarantee. When you look at your baby’s face you should know whose smile he’s going to have. You shouldn’t have to go on guess work.”
“And you’d know all about that?” Her heart squeezed. She had a photo of her dad. A teenage surfer boy with sparkling eyes, fair hair bleached streaky blonde by sun and sea salt, and a carefree smile. Apart from that the tiny amount she knew about him could be written on a square sticky note. Alex had overstepped the mark. “You’re talking out of your …”
He butted in, saving her from an expletive.
“I know more than you might think.” A note of defense in his voice warned her off asking him what exactly that meant. “If you ask me, if the insemination hasn’t worked, then you should find The One – the guy who makes your heart sing – and have a baby with him.”
“Oh puh-leeeese! My heart sing?”
“You know what I mean.”
I might if I thought he’d be along any time before the turn of the next millennium.
“I don’t believe in The One. It’s a fundamentally flawed concept.” His interference offended her. “Believe it or not, my plans don’t require your seal of approval.”
“Donor insemination might be right for some people. But not you, Maggie. You’re putting the cart before the horse.”
“Nonsense. Horses and carts are very last century.”
She fought the urge to pick at her nail polish.
“Don’t settle for second best. You deserve better than that.”
She’d taken enough criticism. She drank in his cool exterior, the hard lines of his much- too-handsome face. Opinionated, sure of himself, his objections hurt more than she dared admit. She needed Alex-proofing.
Defensive, she let fly. “You’re not in my life anymore. You don’t have any part in this – not even the right to an opinion.” She kept her tone measured. She’d die if he realized that he’d wounded her. “Don’t you get it?” She hesitated for a zillionth of a second and blasted him with the basic fact. “You’re just somebody I used to know.” A shadow crossed Alex’s face as Maggie blustered on. “As far as I can tell genes are a lottery,” she insisted. She didn’t care if she sounded smug. “It’s what you make of what you get that counts. Look at you and Nick.”
A muscle twitched uncomfortably in Alex’s cheek. “What about me and Nick?”
Flipping heck. Did she have to spell it out? She shrugged. With their talent, their hot bodies and to-die-for looks, they were the epitome of watchability, wrapped up in a package of naturally sculpted masculinity. If there were any winners in the genes lottery it was the Wells twins. They’d taken the television world by storm.
“You got lucky in the genes lottery. That’s my point. No matter what way it happens, life’s genetic bingo. Besides, my baby will be legally entitled to contact “Donor Guy” …” She made air squiggles. “…When he – or she – is eighteen, so it’s all good.”
“I respect your decision,” he said, his face hard set. “But I don’t have to like it. As I see it, your bingo game is missing an essential piece.”
She seethed. “Oh? And what’s that?”
Alex’s lips almost tipped up into a smile for half a second. “Love,” he said simply.
She cursed herself for having started this conversation. She had enough love for a crèche full of babies. It was guys she couldn’t handle.
“Thankfully, I don’t have to consult you about how to ruin my life.” She struggled to keep her cool, and out came a Freudian slip. “Run, I meant run my life,” she corrected. “What’s it to you anyway? I don’t have a problem with AI. Why should you?”
Alex’s granite expression darkened some more. With a long finger he touched the furrow between his knitted brows. “It’s irrelevant – I know. And I have no right to an opinion – I agree.” His voice dropped to a husky whisper. “I used to care about you, Maggie.”
“Well, for your information, this is my baby and nobody else’s.” She hesitated. “And if I’m pregnant …” She held back, desperate to avoid a rant. She couldn’t help herself. “And only if, because according to the clinic there may be a sperm motility problem, and I might have to try again.” She drew breath. “If it doesn’t work first time, when it does happen, I’m going to love my child for who they are on the inside.”
Alex held up the palms of his hands. “You’re absolutely right. It’s none of my business. It’s your life. I’ll butt out.” Silent for a moment he suddenly bowled her over with his elusive smile. “And I know you’ll love your baby unconditionally. Even if you get one with pointy elf ears!”
The tension evaporated. They looked straight into each other’s eyes and burst out laughing. Her insides melted.
