Grumpy Old Men: New Year, Same Old Crap. David Quantick
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2. The idea that just seeing people sing a song is not enough. So instead of seeing some people sing a song, we get some bad director’s rehash of either a film he saw when he was high on skunk, or some dancing women in their underwear smiling as the pop star walks out pretending to mumble.
3. Similar to point 1, but even more horrid, the televised live concert. Not only does this have the demerit of being out of tune, and so forth, but also it means that a) you get an audience singing along and waving their mobile phones at the camera (see MOBILE PHONES) and b) instead of seeing the band do their hit and shove off, you have to sit through all their other songs as well, which is no fun whatsoever. And – just to add injurious insult to insulting injury – they project their new video behind themselves so as to remind the younger set what they are enduring.
REALITY TELEVISION
The bastard who came up with the title Big Brother for a reality show may be more cynical than previously advertised. Because if there’s one thing that perfectly sums up your 1984-style Orwellian prolefeed culture, it’s the replacement of actual real content with made-up stuff. Newspapers and news-media stuff were originally designed to transmit information about events that had happened largely uncontrollably – wars, famines, earthquakes. Now they just tell us the adventures of someone who passed an audition. And by audition, they don’t mean a display of performing skill, they mean ‘were prepared to show off their personality disorder in public’.
In 1984, the news channels showed footage from possibly made-up wars, interchangeable names of adversaries, and randomly selected hate figures. These days I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here is our Oceania, the Big Brother house is Airstrip One, and Heat magazine is alternately the Ministry of Love and Hate Week.
REALITY TELEVISION 2
And it’s not real. Reality TV is the news – i.e. real things happening to real people in real places. Unless life is all staged for the benefit of some higher power and the world’s a stage and so forth, there isn’t anyone with a script going, ‘And cue the economic collapse of Mali!’ or similar. Whereas Reality TV is, if not completely staged (and any television worker will tell you, if plied with strong drugs, that every show is as manipulated and directed as possible), then as carefully planned as possible, from the cast (contestants) to the storyline (introducing new people and challenges).
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